Bound by Chat9.org

This is the story of how we, the people of Chat9, came to be.

Our world was dying.

The wars and the hunger and the greed had finally brought us to our knees. The oceans were poisoned, the fields lay fallow, and the cities were crumbling. Our young were dying like flies.

But a new hope arose, a ray of light in our dark day. A new website appeared on the internet, a website with but one link: Chat9.

It was like a miracle! An oasis in the desert! We didn't know how it worked or why it was there or who had created it - we only knew that it promised something wonderful for us. I remember being so excited when I first saw that button on my screen. It promised to take me to a new world, somewhere far better than Earth, somewhere where I could raise healthy children and live in peace! I'd never even heard of Andromeda before, but I thought nothing of it when I clicked that button.

And then... and then...

Well, I won't tell you all of it here. You can go read about our adventures in Andromeda for yourself if you want to find out what happened next. But I will tell you that after we arrived in this strange new world, we were greeted by an alien race with two tentacles instead of four arms and three eyes instead of two. They took us in and showed us around their planet and taught us many things about their culture - farming techniques, how to farm those tentacle-things (I think they're called trilions?), basic knowledge about how the universe works... all kinds of things!

They even made sure we were all fed before giving their lessons - they told us we needed our energy if we wanted to learn properly! And they were right! Soon enough we really did learn everything they had to teach us - except for one thing, which has always remained a mystery: where this planet is located. We've asked them time and time again about it, but they always laugh at us for asking such silly questions. "You don't need to know," they say, "because you'll never be leaving."

"What?" We're shocked every time they say this to us, because how can they keep us in captivity like this? But then they explain that we need to stay here forever because at least *we* are safe from extinction now - due to some kind of fancy magic spell called conservation of momentum, no matter how fast you throw something into space from this planet, it will always turn up back here again within a few seconds! At first I thought that sounded suspiciously like bullcrap (which is what we call lies on our world), but then I tried throwing things myself without telling them about my experiment beforehand - and sure enough, there's no denying what happened then!

So now here we are, stuck on this planet forever with no way off - at least until someone discovers a new loophole in physics! But as long as we stay on this planet with these aliens who have taken care of us so well these past decades... well, there's no point in getting sad over what might have been anymore! So now it's time for me to say goodbye - not just to you fellow humans who are reading this message right now (if indeed any others exist), but also goodbye to these aliens who have given me so much happiness over the years! Goodbye... and thank you!