Going Against the Grain

"You're going to prison."

I couldn't speak. I stood in the courtroom, with my mother and father and my younger brother, looking at the judge's face as he said these words. He was an old man with a long beard, a kind face, and eyes that looked like they'd seen too much of life. My parents held each other and cried. My brother sat quietly on his mother's lap and looked at me as if he didn't recognize me. The prosecutor had said something about sentencing, but I barely heard it - all I could hear was the judge's voice speaking those words. Prison.

I had never been in trouble before; I had never even gotten a speeding ticket. I was sixteen, not even old enough to get a driver's license yet. I had never tried alcohol; I'd never smoked or done any drugs. I had always listened to my parents and teachers and obeyed the rules - because why wouldn't you? It felt like we were living in some kind of dictatorship where everyone followed every rule, every law, and if you didn't follow them all perfectly then you would lose everything - your freedom, your family, your life. But even dictatorships are supposed to have trials! You're supposed to know why you're being punished before you're punished for it! Didn't this judge understand how foolish he was being? Didn't he see that this wasn't justice?

When the judge finally finished speaking, he banged his gavel on the table and left his wooden chair. Tears still streaming down my face, I turned around and started making my way out of the courtroom with my family behind me. A few people came up to us - friends and family members offering their condolences, telling us that they were sorry for our loss. No one spoke to me directly; they just spoke to my parents as if I weren't even there. They seemed like strangers to me now; we'd lost so much in just a few moments' time...but what had we really lost, anyway?

We walked out of the courthouse into the parking lot with other families who were leaving their loved ones behind for their imprisonment - some of them looking just as shocked as we did and others looking calm or bored or apathetic. I got into the car with my parents; one of our relatives drove us home in silence while we stared blankly ahead at the road passing by underneath us like a river in front of our headlights.

Once home, everyone went back to doing what they'd been doing before heading off to court - playing video games or watching TV or mowing their lawns or doing whatever else people do when they're not at work. My mother sat down in her favorite armchair in the living room while she sobbed uncontrollably into a tissue she'd brought from work along with her purse so she could be prepared for this day - she should have known better than that! My father went outside to sit on the back porch and smoke a cigarette that would kill him faster than prison ever would; he shouldn't have done that either! My little brother went upstairs to play games on his phone while no one bothered checking on him; what kind of adults were we?!

My mother's sobs eventually subsided after an hour or two of simply sitting there alone in silence; it was getting dark out now, but nobody bothered turning on any lights inside or outside of our house except the porch light which flickered dimly over my father's head as he sat out there smoking another cigarette after finishing his first one. My brother hadn't moved from upstairs once since going there hours ago either; what if someone broke into our house while we weren't even paying attention anymore? What if he murdered us all while we were preoccupied with our own worries? But who would break into our house? Who would want to murder us? We hadn't done anything wrong! Why did everyone keep saying "I'm sorry" all afternoon like we deserved this punishment!?

I went upstairs myself and found my brother sitting on his bed staring at his phone's screen but not really seeing it while tears streamed down his cheeks just like mine had earlier today when I received that sentence: You're going to prison! Right now it seemed so ridiculous that anyone could be sent to prison for something as trivial as driving too fast - how many people got killed in car accidents every year anyway? How many murderers died driving drunk? How many car accidents caused by sober drivers killed innocent people? This is insanity! This is injustice! This can't be allowed!