UnAssesh & His Self-Truths

"You're the best, Jimbo! But I've got to run. Meeting me in Saudi Arabia's capital tomorrow, at noon. The King wants a face-to-face. I don't want to piss him off."

Jimbo nodded and closed his eyes for a moment, deep in thought. Then he opened them, "This is your first meeting with the King?"

I nodded.

Jimbo's brow furrowed and he ran one of his hands over his long beard, thinking hard. "Hmmm... I don't like this." He leaned forward and looked into my eyes, "I don't like this at all. I think you should lie to him."

I laughed out loud and shook my head.

"What? It's not funny! I'm serious!" Jimbo said, looking insulted. You're not just an UnAssesh, you're a royal one!" Jimbo scolded me indignantly. "Think about it! You're going to meet the King for the first time and you don't even know what he looks like! What if you get lost on your way? Or if you forget what he looks like? Hell, what if the King doesn't show up?!" Jimbo sat back in his chair and stared at me expectantly.

"That's why I have security," I said, waving dismissively at him. "They'll watch every step that I take until we meet."

Jimbo shook his head sadly. "So are you saying that there's no chance whatsoever that you'd be late?" He asked quietly.

I looked away from him guiltily and bit my lower lip, unsure of myself. There was always a chance that I could be late to the meeting because of traffic or other traffic jams or something unexpected happened along the way. That's why God created phones so that people could tell each other where they were in case they got lost or delayed somehow. There was no need for lying here... right? Right?!

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The next day...

"Where is he?" The King fumed as he paced angrily around the room full of his ministers and advisors who were waiting for UnAssesh to arrive. "He should have been here twenty minutes ago! How can he be late for something so important?!" The King swore loudly as he shot a glare at one of his generals who was standing near by watching nervously as always when the King was angry or upset about something or someone missing or late for some reason or another. The general looked away quickly so as not to catch the King's ire on himself either but it was too late; the King caught him looking at him and immediately assumed that it was his fault after all because it wasn't like these generals had anything better to do than guard UnAssesh from harm every minute of every day except when UnAssesh went out to shop or eat somewhere with his family for which there were more guards anyway which meant that there were even more extra soldiers standing around doing nothing but watching other people do things that they already knew how to do perfectly well without their help anyway! (God forbid!). The extra soldiers did everything but their own jobs which was supposed to be guarding UnAssesh from harm when UnAssesh wasn't shopping or eating somewhere with his family so it wasn't like they had anything else better to do than stand around doing nothing but watch people who actually did things instead of standing around doing nothing but watching other people do things when they could be doing those things themselves instead! (God forbid!!) And now there was this problem with UnAssesh being late for something extremely important! It wasn't like it mattered anyway because UnAssesh didn't really have any power anymore except maybe over people who needed their visas renewed or wanted their taxes reduced somehow but still... still... people could see very clearly how upset UnAssesh was when he hadn't been able to do even that thing anymore during his reign so... so... maybe this problem wasn't even worth worrying about after all!!!