A Renaissance Revival For Danny

The doctor was a kindly fellow.

I think he said his name was Doctor Schell of Suhl. He wore the traditional white and black robes and had those funny little round spectacles, which I remember from my history class. He spoke in a very kind way, often smiling at me and asking me to please do this or do that so he could see if there was anything wrong with me. After every test he would stroke his beard and then tell me what he thought might be wrong with me. Every time I smiled at him and thanked him for his diagnosis.

At first it was things like a bit of dust in one eye, or a bit too much lemon juice on my breakfast bread (which I only had once). Then we moved on to more serious diagnoses like anemia, mumps, the flu, and even gout. Every time I just nodded and thanked him for his diagnosis. He seemed to get happier with each diagnosis as if he had found out something new about himself rather than about me.

My favorite was when we finally got to the last diagnosis (or so I thought) - the one where he explained that there were two perfectly good kidneys in my body, but that they were both sitting exactly upside down! This upset him so much that he started to cry right there in front of me. I tried to comfort him by saying that it really didn't matter because they worked just as well as they ever did, but apparently this upset him even more because he cried harder than ever before! Seeing how upset he was made me want to cry too so I tried not to laugh at all while he cried like a little baby on my bed sheets!

After what seemed like forever, the doctor finally managed to stop crying long enough to ask if I wanted some tea or chocolate drops instead of water for lunch - at least I think this is what he asked because I couldn't hear him all that well through his sobbing. The next thing I know we're downstairs eating chocolate drops and drinking tea together! He told me lots of stories about his life as a doctor in Germany back before the Great War when everyone used to take their medicine in the morning with hot chocolate like us now instead of swallowing it down dry the way people do now! He told me about his mother who never had any teeth until she was thirty-four years old! And then suddenly - bang! - there's a knock on the door and it's you walking into my room carrying some big machine that looks just like yours Doctor Schell! Only...only it doesn't work at all because instead of helping people it hurts them instead!

I don't think anyone saw you turn it off right away instead of hurting me like you were supposed to because the next thing I knew you were trying different levers and buttons on your weapon until you found the right one - which happened to be right next to button number five. But you pressed it anyway because you must have been really bad at following directions since Doctor Schell had told you not to touch anything else but button number five! You pressed button number five anyway and then there was a horrible noise from your weapon followed by an awful smell filling up my room as if someone had farted loudly inside of it. You dropped your weapon then picked up my own doctor's bag from where it had fallen on the floor beside your feet, opened it up, stepped inside, closed it behind you and vanished.. leaving just a puff of smoke where you had stood moments before!

Doctor Schell had fainted dead away when your weapon arrived but after a few minutes he woke up again moaning softly under his breath about button number five. Believe it or not, I helped him up off the floor (which wasn't easy since he weighed almost as much as you do) and together we went downstairs where we ate another piece of delicious chocolate together before going back upstairs again so Doctor Schell could look at my upside down kidneys again. We spent most of our afternoons watching the birds outside my window together until one day we heard footsteps hurrying down the hall towards us! It was you Doctor Aaronson walking briskly into view waving some papers around in your hand with an angry expression on your face. You stopped when you saw both myself and Doctor Schell sitting peacefully together enjoying each other's company over some chocolate drops..