Lissie's Caribbean Mission

It was a beautiful day on the planet Earth. The sun was shining, people were walking along the streets and talking to each other. It was the perfect day to make a giant potato salad.

Unfortunately, it was the year 1742 and the Earth had no potatoes. It had never had potatoes. Not for the past thousand years. The people of Earth had never even heard of potatoes. They couldn't have made a potato salad if they wanted to; they didn't know what one was.

"We have to stop the space pirates," said Captain Cabbagehead, pointing at his screen with a shaking finger. "They're stealing our space potatoes!"

"But we don't have any space potatoes," said Lady Liberty, staring sadly at her own screen. "Or any normal potatoes."

"Our forefathers brought them from their home planet," said Cabbagehead, "but now they're gone! Stolen by those horrible space pirates!"

"Oh my," said Lady Liberty, who hadn't heard about the forefathers yet because she wasn't really from around here, "this is terrible news."

"We will defeat those pirates! We must restore America's honor! We must defend freedom and liberty! We must fight for--*pah*" Cabbagehead spat out another rotten tooth and fell over in his chair.

Fortunately for him, that won't be necessary anymore because there is about to be a very decisive battle that will decide everything: if America wins, then everything will go back to normal and Americans can grow potatoes again; if America loses, then Americans are doomed to not growing any potatoes ever again while being pilfered by space pirates who seem to enjoy doing so very much indeed.

"Ahoy!" shouted Lissie as she stepped out onto the deck of her ship - her father's old ship that she had renamed "The USS Independence". She looked down proudly at her beloved landmass below her and waved at it several times with great enthusiasm before turning around and whistling loudly at her loyal crew. Below them on the ground stood thousands of people waiting in anticipation - all of them cheering loudly as well. Now this crew ... Well, Lissie didn't exactly like some of them very much - there were some of those fat ones who kept eating all the food and hiding it behind their backs - but she knew that they would do their best anyway. And besides, she liked this particular crew more than most of the others because almost all of them were children who did exactly what she told them to do without questioning anything first - which is not something that you often find these days ... Although maybe it's just because most children are stupid? Anyway, whatever it was they were good at following orders and Lissie appreciated this greatly as she always enjoyed being in charge. "Alright everybody!" she yelled with all her might as she turned around again and pointed at Earth excitedly with her right hand while raising her left fist into the air triumphantly: "Everybody let's set sail!" Then she turned around once more and pointed at Earth again ... Maybe she wouldn't be needed on board after all?