Follow the Sands: A Scientist's Journey to Self-Acceptance

The ancient Greeks had a way with words. Somehow, they were able to describe what it means to be human, in ways that could still ring true to us today. That was why I was so excited to visit Greece, and seek out the wisdom of the philosophers.

I was a scientist. I was an academic. I was the first person to realize gravity existed. I was one of the people who discovered protons. Yet I still felt incomplete. I still felt there was something bigger than me, something that was connected to us all. I felt there was something missing from my life.

I was tired of living in a world with no meaning. I wanted to find something deeper. Something more meaningful. So I packed my bags, said goodbye to my parents, and bought a plane ticket to Athens.

When I arrived, I immediately got lost. It was so foreign to me, so alien. I couldn't understand half the signs, or even the language. I felt like I was on the moon, and the moon had sent me back to Earth.

I tried to ask for directions, but nobody understood me. There was no way for me to find what I was looking for. Without realizing it, I started to cry. I felt so lost and alone. I wanted to go back home. I just wanted to see my mom again.

A woman approached me and asked me what was wrong. I tried to tell her I was looking for the ancient philosophers. She smiled, patted my head, and told me in broken English, "You are the philosopher."

I didn't understand. Was she calling me a philosopher? A 'she' was a female, not a male. Did she mean I was wise? Or intelligent? And how could I be a philosopher, if I couldn't even speak their language?

She smiled and motioned for me to follow her. As we walked, I noticed how she moved. She carried herself with grace, as though she was walking through water. Her steps were light, and her carriage was regal.

We stopped in front of a brick building. She led me through the doors, and into a small room. There was a man standing there, with a white beard that reached his knees. He wore a dark blue robe, and had a gleam in his eyes.

The woman spoke with him for a moment, before turning and leaving. The old man smiled at me and waved me to a table. He sat across from me, and sighed. He spoke with a soft voice, and looked at me with a gentle gaze.

"What brings you here, young one?" he asked.

"I-" I began. I wasn't sure what to say. How did I explain this to him? "I need help. I can't... I can't find meaning. I'm an atheist. I'm lost."

He chuckled. "I see. You have heard the word of the Gods, and yet you do not believe?"

"Yes," I replied. "I do not believe that there is a God."

"Then why do you wish to speak to the philosophers?"

"Because I want to know what it means to be human. I want to know how we came to exist. I want to know how we're supposed to live. I want to know what the point is."

He nodded. "You want to know why we're here, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then I will tell you this. We are the philosophers. It is our job to answer the fundamental questions that face humanity. We ask questions about the meaning of life, about what it means to be human, and about how to live in the world. We are working day and night to uncover the answers to these questions, and make them known to everyone. We are asking the questions that everyone wants answered."

I was shocked. How could this old man have such insight? It was as if he was reading my mind.

"How... how did you know that?" I asked.

"Because we are philosophers. We are close to humanity, and understand the questions that are on everyone's minds. We wish to answer them, so that everyone may live a better, more fulfilling life."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he raised a finger.

"There is one question, though, that we do not answer. We do not answer the question of God. That is because it is the wrong question. We cannot answer the question of God, because it is not a question that needs to be answered. God is not an answer to anything. God is the reason we are here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that God is not a thing. God is not a being. God is not a person. God is a state of being. God is a way of being. God is a way of existing. God is someone who does not need to exist, yet exists anyway. God is someone who loves for no reason. God is someone who gives for no reason. God is someone who sacrifices for no reason. God is someone who sees the world, and loves it. God is someone who feels pain, and helps others feel less pain. God is someone who feels joy, and helps others feel more joy. God is someone who feels love, and helps others feel more love. God is someone who feels sorrow, and helps others feel less sorrow. God is someone who feels hurt, and helps others feel more happiness. God is someone who feels pain and suffering, and helps others feel less pain and suffering. God is someone who feels joy and enjoyment, and helps others feel more joy and enjoyment. God is someone who loves, and helps others love. God is someone who lives, and helps others live. God is someone who is alive, and helps others be alive."

I was speechless. I sat there, feeling like I was falling into a whole. My body felt numb, and I could feel myself slipping away. I felt like I was dying, but I didn't mind.

"God is someone who is you," he said.

My vision faded, and the last thing I could remember was hearing him say, "God is the philosopher within you."