The Tomb of Vicky's Insults

I had one of those nights. You know, the kind where you're out with your buddies and you get a little bit drunk and maybe say things you regret. I guess that's why Vicky was mad at me.

I thought it was okay though; I hadn't been too mean about it. It was just a joke, right? It wasn't like I said anything bad, like "You'd be so much hotter if you lost weight" or something like that. And I didn't even say anything to my friends, I just said it to her, because she was right there next to me when we were talking about it.

So it wasn't that big of a deal, right?

Apparently it was a pretty big deal. Because after I left the bar, Vicky caught up with me on the street outside and started yelling at me for saying what I did. She kept getting in my face and telling me how awful whatever I said was and how everyone was looking at me now. She called me all sorts of names, but mostly "fatty", which really got under my skin. Not because she called me fat, but because she was wrong about one thing: nobody else heard what I said. But there she was calling me public enemy number 1 for making fun of this girl who nobody else even knew existed 2 minutes ago.

Look, if it was going to be an issue between us, then fine - we didn't have to be friends anymore. But at least could she let me go home in peace? No - she followed me down the street all the way to my house! Then she kept calling my phone until I blocked her number and turned off my phone. Finally I went inside and went to bed... and then she showed up outside my window! She started throwing rocks at the glass to wake me up! What kind of psycho does that?

Okay... so apparently, Vicky is super strong and can fly and stuff. That's why she's such a good superhero and doesn't need a boyfriend like the rest of us losers do - she can take out any bad guy all by herself (if you believe her). Well, who needs powers anyway - probably just some stupid genetic thing that makes her stronger than other people or something. So what if she can pick up cars - so can lots of guys! And who cares if she can fly - so can certain birds! Not that many people can say they've seen Vicky fly; but lots of people have seen birds flying! But whatever... girls are so sensitive these days, nobody ever gets complimented anymore without them crying their eyes out over something we didn't even mean in the first place! Seriously... What's wrong with saying somebody looks cute in a dress or something? What's wrong with telling somebody they look nice today without trying to hook up with them? We're not animals! We can say nice things to each other without wanting sex every time! Why has no one told this girl that? Or does everybody think she wants sex from everyone too? Really not fair...

Anyway... So yeah... then Vicky turned into some sort of dark shadow-thing in front of my window and crawled halfway through the window until some of her blue clothes were hanging out the bottom like drapes or something... see... here's a picture: [link]. And then she kept threatening me while standing up on top of my bed breathing down on top of me in her awesome blue outfit with her red cape blowing in the wind as her hair blew back behind her (it looked pretty cool actually)... anyway... So yeah... *cough* *cough* ... um.. look at the picture above this paragraph again if you want to remember what happened next! Oh wait... maybe you don't want to remember so keep reading below this sentence instead!! Okay good!! Now we're all on the same page again!! Thank goodness!! Anyway... So yeah.. yeah.. well in case you forgot here's another picture: [link] - See how scary that looks?? Good!! Hopefully that'll remind you not to talk shit about Vicky ever again!! Yeahhh.. well anyway.. Anyway.. um.. So yeah.. so yeah.. well anyway.. eventually I got tired enough of her face being all close to mine that I figured maybe if I pretended not to notice for long enough maybe she would leave or something.... So yeah.... Eventually Vicky gave up trying to get my attention with all these threats and stuff (um.. anyway.. if you're curious why doesn't Vicky just use her powers instead of crawling through a window why don't you ask yourself??) and finally left through the window again while calling me an asshole as usual (that certainly made sense considering all those times when boys have thrown rocks through windows shouting "bitch" after doing exactly what Vicky did). But whatever.... what are you gonna do? Girls are crazy these days! Just ignore them and they'll go away eventually! Hope your night goes better than mine did tonight!!

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