Olaf's Adventure: A Fifth Century Haze

"Shit." I heard a voice say. "I think he peed himself."

"No," another voice replied. "I can smell it."

"So, what do we do now?"

The first voice spoke again. "We have to take him to the infirmary. I don't know if he's had any alcohol in his system or not, but he's definitely high as a kite right now."

"But where did he get the diapers? He hasn't been wearing any of those!"

"Fuck me. Pissing his pants and sitting in his shit. This is going to be a lot more complicated than I thought."

He was right. I wasn't high and I hadn't pissed myself or shat myself in my adult diaper. I had no idea where I got the diapers from either. All I knew was that the two voices belonged to one Jim, who was Tau Kappa Epsilon president, and another unknown person. They were trying to move me from my spot on the floor where I've been passed out for hours. No matter how hard they tried, though, no matter how much they picked me up and moved me about, I never fell down or even lost my balance. It felt like my head was all wobbly, but that didn't affect anything else. I didn't feel like moving at all.

Jim grunted as he picked me up by my armpits and lifted me up onto his shoulder, holding on tight to keep me from falling off of him. The other guy walked around Jim while he was carrying me, looking at me with disgust on his face as he tried to figure out what was wrong with me when Jim spoke again.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Jim asked him over his shoulder as they left our dorm building and headed towards the student health center located in the administration building across campus.

"I think he's just really baked," the other guy replied after thinking about it for a second.

"Dude! What if he OD'd? Jesus Christ! We need to call an ambulance!"

"Calm down man! He might just be tripping balls and acting weird!"

Jim looked down at me as they continued walking towards the health center while muttering to himself under his breath, "Well, we're definitely getting fucked if he dies."