Catastrophe at the Burlington Reactor

Nine hundred years ago, an otherwise-unremarkable man named Roger Lancaster smoked a cigarette in the bathroom of the Burlington Antimatter Reactor.

As a KGB spy working undercover as a janitor for the BARC project, he'd been instructed to cause a small amount of damage to reactor's core which would cause a meltdown, causing the reactor to be shut down for repairs and halting progress on a key piece of technology that might have allowed The Empire to develop FTL travel. Now, with his mission complete, he was ready to return home.

The only problem? He had forgotten his phone in the bathroom.

Roger sighed. He wasn't exactly sure how it had happened - he could get distracted easily - but he couldn't remember leaving it on the shelf above the sink. He entered the bathroom again and walked over to retrieve it. As he did so, he looked up at himself in the mirror. "Damn," he thought to himself, "I look like shit." His face was pale, his eyes sunken; even his hair looked thinner than usual. He picked up the phone and put it in his pocket before returning to the common room where everyone else was waiting for him to give their status reports.

"Hey guys," he said casually, "got everything done?"

A few workers responded in kind, but most were looking at him strangely - not unlike how he'd looked at himself in the mirror thirty seconds earlier - and muttering amongst themselves nervously. One worker stood up from her chair and approached him cautiously. "Excuse me Roger," she said softly, "but there's something you should know." Her face was white; she looked like she might pass out any moment.

"Yeah?" Roger replied calmly as he dropped his cigarette butt into his soda can and crushed it underfoot, "What's up?" As he spoke, one of his fellow agents rushed forward with an injection pistol and injected him with a tranquilizer dart right into his neck. Roger gasped as he collapsed onto the floor unconscious.

An hour later, Roger woke up groggily back in cell number 17 at Lubyanka Prison in Moscow. He felt cold and clammy; whatever they had injected him with had not agreed with him at all. Groaning loudly as if to prove this point, he rubbed his temples slowly before looking around his cell. Several prisoners were staring at him through their cell bars but they quickly averted their gaze when they realized that Roger was awake; only one prisoner continued to stare at him with hatred in her eyes: Esther Shriekmanovitch (née Stern), Roger's ex-wife who had just arrived from New York earlier that day as part of a prisoner exchange program between The Empire and The Republic. She was angry about being traded for her ex-husband after having successfully infiltrated The Republic's FTL research team without having compromised herself (she'd met Roger during an earlier year-long mission together in which Roger's lack of professionalism had almost gotten them both killed) and she let him know it by spitting at his feet when she passed by on her way out of Lubyanka Prison towards freedom while being escorted by two Imperial agents armed with long rifles that looked suspiciously like flintlock pistols modified with laser sights and bayonets built into them instead of barrels. Her spit landed directly on top of Roger's right shoe; however despite having just been spat on by a woman who hated him because of their past relationship, there were bigger problems facing Roger than a bit of saliva on his shoe - namely, why had things gone so horribly wrong?

Roger sat quietly for several hours trying to figure things out until one very large agent came along carrying a bucket full of water and threw it over him. Water splashed everywhere across his face causing him to cough repeatedly before regaining his composure long enough to say: "Dude... What is your problem?!" One moment later, another very large agent came along carrying another bucket full of water which was thrown over him again causing more coughing and splashing; this time though the agent spoke: "Get your ass moving" before throwing another bucket full of water over him again just for good measure before shoving Roger roughly out of door along corridor full of doors leading towards some kind of chamber filled with computers and lights which smelled like burning plastic before pushing him inside where two other men dressed in black suits with matching black ties were waiting for him standing next to what looked like giant metal plates shaped like upside-down triangles from which cables ran into a machine standing between them that was obviously some kind of teleporter judging by its shape when suddenly all three men grabbed hold of Roger firmly but not too tightly before putting earmuffs over both ears covering up all external sound as well as plugs into both nostrils making breathing difficult then finally something cool was placed against each temple which caused pain followed by intense sleepiness then there was darkness followed by intense light followed by sudden weightlessness followed by intense nausea followed by intense dizziness followed by intense fear followed by nothingness followed by nothingness again then suddenly there were three people holding onto Roger firmly but not too tightly while shouting something unintelligible into both ears while other people shouted unintelligible replies while cables were unplugged from nose and head then suddenly they let go and Roger fell forward onto hard concrete floor unable to stand because legs were still asleep so they picked him up off floor while shouting something unintelligible into both ears while other people shouted unintelligible replies then they put earmuffs back on while shouting something unintelligible into both ears while other people shouted unintelligible replies then put headphones back in while shouting something unintelligible into both ears while other people shouted unintelligible replies then placed cool thing against each temple again while shouting something unintelligible into both ears while other people shouted unintelligible replies then told him it is safe now before letting him go causing more dizziness from dropping onto concrete floor again before walking away causing more dizziness from disorientation until someone handed them back their phone which they put away into pocket before getting up off ground using wall for support which caused more dizziness from disorientation until someone handed them back their glasses which they put on face without cleaning first causing more dizziness from dirty lenses then waited patiently for several minutes until finally recovering slightly when some old guy wearing blue shirt came along carrying bucket full of water which splashed all over face causing coughing fit followed by severe headache followed by severe confusion followed by suspicion towards old guy wearing blue shirt who seemed somehow familiar until finally remembering what happened last night after waking up in Lubyanka Prison cell seventeen only things didn't seem quite right whenever got closer examined wall nearest found it covered in strange writing consisting primarily made up entirely dots and dashes arranged as letters written backwards rotated vertically horizontally upside down or sideways occasionally running into itself sometimes replaced entire letter sometimes simply added single dot or dash here or there or even replaced entire letter with longer sequence containing same sort single dots or dashes occasionally longer sequences replaced entire letter sometimes replacing entire word sometimes replacing entire sentence occasionally replacing entire paragraph sometimes replacing entire page sometimes simple substitution cipher using one letter replace another letter sometimes simple substitution cipher using one letter 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