Charlie's Outback Adventure with Willy Wonka's Blueberry Gum

It was a hot afternoon when we caught that ruddy little bastard. Charlie was acting all strange. He'd been saying he wanted a Blueberry Gum from Willy Wonka, like he didn't know what it meant. Blueberry Gum is only the most expensive gum in the world. It's not even available in Australia. A man would have to be a real idiot to pay thousands of dollars for a piece of chewing gum. I thought he was just running his mouth for some wank, but he looked so determined, I decided to take him on a little trip out into the Outback to ensure that he got some sense knocked back into him.

"So you want this Blueberry Gum?" I said, pulling up outside the local convenience store with the intent of buying him whatever gum they had.

"Yeah mate," said Charlie, "I've been saving up for years."

"Well here goes," I sighed as we entered the shop and approached the counter, "get yourself something nice while I get you your rare flavour."

Charlie looked down at his two hundred dollar chequebook and then walked over to where the chocolate bars were stacked high on display. He reached up and grabbed a bar off the top shelf. "How much is this?" he asked, waving it around in front of me like an idiot.

"A hundred bucks!" I yelled at him, just about ready to hit him over the head with his own cheque book. Then I turned back to the man behind the counter. "Two pieces of Blueberry Gum please."

"What's that?" asked the man at the counter, pointing at Charlie who was still waving his chocolate bar in my face, "Is he a child?"

"He's having some trouble with his mental faculties," I told him, pushing Charlie away from me while pointing at my own head with both hands, "he's a bit retarded."

The guy at the counter gave us both a look and then went to fetch our order while we waited outside. The weather was blistering hot and there wasn't anywhere else nearby where one could wait out of sight from the public eye while they waited for their order to arrive. So we sat down next to some rocks on which someone had painted hundreds of small white emu eggs. It was supposed to look like they were peeking out from behind them but it was too far gone for that kind of thing now. You could still make out what it was supposed to be though, so we sat there waiting for ten minutes or so until our order arrived from inside by courier.

When we finally left the convenience store I noticed that Charlie had put his chocolate bar away without eating any of it. Instead he handed me one piece of the gum instead and kept one for himself. We climbed back into my car and drove off without even bothering to check if we'd paid for it first or not. All I knew was that it cost 'a thousand dollars', which really wasn't all that much money after all given how much we'd spent on getting there in the first place and buying Charlie's ridiculous snacks as well as paying for parking fees at every turn along our journey through town and back again... something that always got under my skin when visiting places such as this one - companies should charge more if they want people to park longer; not less! But never mind... all I cared about just then was making sure Charlie got his gum without any further problems ruining things before he'd even gotten started on chewing it properly...