Jatha's Martian Quest

“I don’t care how much you hate it. I don’t care how much it costs. I don’t care if they all laugh at me. I want the best, and I want it now.”

The salesman looked over his ledger and replied, “Sir, this isn’t a pencil sharpener. You can’t just walk in here and expect us to sell you the most expensive one we have. We have to consider your needs and price range. If you need something bigger and more expensive than what you have now, then we can help you. But if you just want the biggest thing on our shelves, then go down to Walmart.”

Jatha Jiarum felt his face grow hot as he clenched his fists. This was only the third store he had visited today, yet he had already been denied in twice before. He hadn’t even made it into the building of this place before being sent away for “not meeting their minimum requirements.” Now this…this thing was denying him in the parking lot! “You don’t understand what I need! You see these scars? They are from my battles! My enemies – they will not be happy when they see me with such a little stick! They will laugh! And if they laugh then they will come after me again! And I will be buried beneath their bodies once more! When that happens, I don’t want my family to find me with a little pencil sharpener sticking out of my chest! That is why I need something big and powerful enough to defend myself against them! Only then can I go home and rest peacefully knowing that no one will ever laugh at me again!” Jatha shouted as loud as he could, hoping someone would hear him and take him seriously. His cheeks began to ache from all of the shouting, but he didn’t care; there was too much riding on this for him to let anything stand in his way.

As Jatha calmed down, a voice spoke up from behind him; “Look kid, do you have any idea where you are?” When Jatha turned around, he saw what looked like a fat man dressed up as some sort of space marine with a helmet that covered his entire head except for his eyes and mouth. Jatha couldn't speak, so he just stared blankly at this strange man with his hands on his hips and his legs spread out like some sort of cartoon character waiting for someone to laugh at him instead of answering his question. The man continued anyway; “This is an airsoft store, kid. And even though we sell some real guns here too, some people might get the wrong idea when they see somebody walking in here dressed like you are dressed right now. Don't ask me why somebody would dress up like an alien or whatever else you're supposed to be dressed like by looking at those scars on your face because I've got no idea either." The man paused for a moment as if waiting for Jatha to say something back to him before continuing; "But for what it's worth, those scars look pretty cool."

Jatha blinked several times as he tried to process everything that this strange fat man had said to him over the last few minutes. Finally, Jatha replied; "Oh...My friends...they are the ones that gave me these scars." As Jatha explained himself further, the fat man became more interested in what he had to say until finally revealing himself as Fawfel Casalum, owner of Casalum's Airsoft Gun Shop & Barbershop and offering Jatha a job working at both places whenever he wasn't out hunting for aliens or whatever it was that he did with his time off work each week. Before leaving for work each day though, Fawfel always made sure that Jatha had plenty of time to practice with all sorts of weapons from pistols and rifles to grenade launchers and rocket launchers; whatever Jatha wanted Fawfel made sure that he had it by the end of each day so long as it wasn't too big or bulky or heavy for Jatha to carry wherever it was that he went each day after work ended for him each day outside the shop.

Eventually though after about three years of working together every weekday afternoon & evening, Fawfel received word one morning that a new shipment of 12-guage shotguns were scheduled arrive sometime during lunchtime on Thursday afternoon at exactly 1:32 pm local time according to UPS who were sending them out on route 920-863 which happened to pass right past Mr G's Space Pizza Palace directly across the street from Casalum's shop & barbershop where both men worked every day doing their jobs mostly without incident despite occasional complaints from customers who were always convinced that neither place was really open anymore due to how empty either place felt whenever either man wasn't hard at work doing whatever needed done while they were there working alone through lunchtime every afternoon starting at 11:30 am until 3:30 pm every weekday afternoon except Tuesdays when Fawfel closed shop early so that both men could watch The Walking Dead together live every week beginning promptly at 8 pm Pacific Standard Time when CBS began broadcasting episodes new episodes in case anybody wondered why Fawfel insisted upon closing shop early every Tuesday evening since opening shop back up 20 years ago soon after moving into town following an argument over who was going to win Super Bowl XXXVIII between New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady & Carolina Panthers linebacker Luke Kuechly only days after arriving in town back in 2002 where Fawfel had chosen Brady while Jatha sided with Kuechly but eventually learned not to argue with Fawfel once football season arrived every year since then otherwise Friday nights were usually quiet unless something important was happening locally or nationally where both men would often find themselves discussing whatever news was trending across social media networks until suddenly realizing that the next episode would begin in 30 minutes unless they hurried up & finished editing whichever video clips were being shown during each commercial break on YouTube before switching things over to Facebook Live where somebody might share something interesting before cutting things off again & returning back over to CBS where they would sit down together & watch TV until going home from work early on Tuesdays so that they could catch The Walking Dead live every week which meant getting home as early as possible around 6 pm local time (no later than 6:30 pm local time on Mondays due tonight) so that both men could have dinner together before watching TV together on Tuesdays during otherwise quiet evenings except for Mondays during which both men would get home around 7 pm local time instead so that they could enjoy dinner together before settling down in front of their DVRs (Fawfel) or their computers (Jatha) starting around 7:30 pm local time & catching up on whatever shows happened along during Monday nights while also checking Twitter/Facebook/Reddit along the way (Jatha), or simply watching TV while getting ready for bed soon after dinner ended instead (Fawfel) just in case something interesting turned up worth tweeting about within seconds after saying goodnight (Jatha), or posting something onto Reddit once dinner ended (Fawfel), or spending another hour or two reading Reddit before finally heading upstairs toward bed (Jatha). Either way by 11 pm local time both men were usually tucked snugly into bed next door neighbors sleeping soundly under blankets near windows overlooking parking lots across streets filled with cars parked facing walls inside driveways outside homes watching lights across roads flickering through trees overhead sipping hot drinks with warm hands under covers pulled tight beneath blankets pulled tight under noses staring out windows wondering what tomorrow might bring assuming nothing interesting happened online overnight while resting comfortably knowing better since nothing interesting ever happens online anymore nowadays except when somebody shared something interesting across social media networks online which nobody does anymore because nobody cares about anything anymore these days except everybody cares about everything nowadays especially politics since nobody actually cares about anything anymore yet everybody cares about everything anyway meaning watching television during dinner has become pointless nowadays because people are spending so much time paying attention online instead which means businesses should probably start taking advantage now before everyone forgets how technology works altogether meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably increase by Sunday night if not sooner ahead of Election Day 2018 meaning everybody needs smartphones right now if only because smartphones are basically everywhere these days meaning smartphone sales should probably