Ragna's Wild Revenge

It was a cold night. I went to the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender gave me a glass of frothy ale. I took a sip and turned around to look at the people in the bar. There were a few people sitting alone, some couples, and a man sitting next to a woman I had never seen before. They were chatting quietly, but when I turned my head to look at them they immediately stopped talking.

"Hey Dagny," I said, "Do you know that girl? She's beautiful."

"No...I don't think so."

The two strangers kept looking at us while they talked in hushed voices. Dagny shrugged and turned back to the bar. We sat there for a while, drinking our beer, when a couple of guys came up to us and asked if we wanted to play some pool with them. We got up from the barstools and followed them over to one of the tables in the corner. We played for a little bit, but then I noticed that one of the guys had his hand on Dagny's ass. I felt my face turn bright red with anger. I threw my pool stick down on the table and walked out of the bar, slamming the door behind me.

When I got outside, it was raining hard, thunder crackled overhead, and lightning streaked across the sky. The rain wanted me to go back inside, but I ignored it and ran down the street toward home in my white dress shoes. The rain only made me angrier as it trickled down my back and drenched my shoulders and hair.

I saw someone standing under an umbrella in front of one of the shops along the street. It was him! Bergljot! He had broken up with me six months ago because he thought that he might be gay after all (even though he'd been married twice). Oh! I was going to kill him! And her too! That blonde bimbo was standing next to him under her own umbrella and smiling at him knowingly!

I marched toward them angrily with my hands clenched into fists at my sides as thunder rumbled overhead again. When I got close enough, Bergljot finally realized who it was and dropped his umbrella as he scrambled away from me, running down the street in his black trench coat just as fast as he could go. His girlfriend shrieked and ran off after him with her yellow dress flapping around her knees like tiny wings.

I reached into my purse for my wand, pulled it out, pointed it at Bergljot's pants leg and cast "Panties!". A purple cloud flew out of my wand and hit Bergljot's pants leg right where his thigh started underneath his coat tails connected with his crotch where they were hidden by his fly under his trench coat all way down to his feet where they disappeared into his shoes just as he tripped over them in startled surprise causing him to fall flat on his face against the wet pavement covered with cigarette butts crushed gum wrappers pieces of paper food containers empty liquor bottles pop cans plastic bags on which he skidded along on his stomach for about ten feet leaving a trail of small wet stains all behind him until he stopped sliding when he accidentally bumped into another guy who'd just been walking along minding his own business on his way somewhere else not knowing that Bergljot was following behind him like a gigantic cartoon elephant leaving a huge muddy puddle behind him causing said guy who now found himself wearing Bergljot's pants all wet from being dragged through puddles full of trash juice chewing gum spit mud coffee ketchup mustard blood drool snot sweat spit phlegm semen wads of pussy hair pubic hair tampon inserts cotton balls douche liquid toilet paper pubes foot hairs toe hairs ass hairs nose hairs hair everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere forever always forever until someone picked up Bergljot's clothes (which were still attached to Bergljot) carried him home threw him on the bed spread eagle tied each limb securely to four corners of said bed put blindfold over Bergljot's eyes headphones over Bergljot's ears turned music up full blast set alarm clock for tomorrow morning then went to sleep did same thing tomorrow morning set alarm clock for day after that set alarm clock for day after that set alarm clock for day after that set alarm clock for day after that etcetera etcetera etcetera until eventually Bergljot died from thirst hunger starvation boredom loneliness suffocation strangulation AIDS syphilis chlamydia gonorrhea crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crabs crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torturous slow painful brutal awful death torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture torture tort- *STOP*