Music From the Stars: Kamil's Epic Journey

The air was so cold it hurt to breathe. The darkness was so thick it felt like some of it had been rubbed off on my skin and clothes, leaving a dirty stain that would never wash out. And the smell was foul like a vat of spoiled meat and rotten eggs. I had seen nothing but the same infinite blackness for days, but even in my sleep there was no reprieve from the heat. My dreams were filled with hellish images of fire and brimstone, covered in the stench of forgotten corpses.

The damned don't deserve any better. That's what they say in church when they're trying to scare you into being good. "They had their chances, but they went to Hell instead," they say, their voices full of pity and disgust. Their eyes are full of pity too as they look at me, a cripple who lost his legs in that terrible accident years ago. They remember every time I've fallen down the stairs or have tripped over something I didn't see; they hear every curse word I mutter under my breath and remember every time I've been rude to them or acted stupid because of my fear or confusion over how things work these days. Yeah well fuck them! They're not the ones who have spent the last ten years in this wheelchair, slowly going crazy from boredom, overhearing conversations about things you'll never be able to do or understand because you can't walk!

There was silence again. Or rather there was stillness, except for the faint whirring sound of my motorized wheelchair, which I hadn't bothered to turn off when I got here hours ago. It took me hours to get here—hours through that horrible place where everything is hot and smells bad and feels like it is trying to eat you alive—but there was no way I could ride that stupid horse again after falling off yesterday! The horse is what brought me here in the first place three years ago; it was my punishment for making fun of one of my father's patients when he told me he still kept a horse out back, just like people did centuries ago. As if he could ever afford to feed something like that! But he did have one, because his mother gave him one before she died. And so every day after school he'd walk across our yard and through the gate on foot, and then ride that thing around our field for hours until his clothes were soaked with sweat and water droplets glistened on his hair like diamonds in the sunlight. He'd always wave at me when he passed by; otherwise he'd just stare straight ahead as if he were riding through enemy territory instead of his own backyard, as if someone might jump out at him at any moment and try to steal his horse while he wasn't looking.

I don't know why I made fun of him; maybe because now it looked ridiculous when people had phones and computers everywhere, or cars that drove themselves...what use would anyone have for an old-fashioned thing like a horse anymore? Even for us kids on crutches it seemed weird to go running out into a field after school just to ride around on some dumb animal that wasn't even fast enough to keep up with any real transportation device nowadays! I thought all those kind words were just pity, but now I realize that maybe he really liked riding around on that horse more than anything else in the world...

No...I don't want to think about him anymore…I want to forget about everything for a few minutes so I can focus on something else...something new...something exciting…

I looked around at this strange new place where I found myself; it seemed so big! And there were strange creatures everywhere trying to talk at once before suddenly going quiet again just as suddenly as they began talking! This must be that "music" everyone seems so interested in these days...it almost sounds like they're struggling with each other…

They all looked so funny too—they all had big round bodies covered in fur with four short legs underneath them: two per side making them lopsided when they walked around on their hind legs talking excitedly at each other. Every now and then they'd pick something up from one of their houses (which are shaped differently than ours) and then run over to another house where someone would take whatever it was from them before giving them something else in return before saying a lot of words back at them excitedly before going back inside their house again. Why are these strange creatures called "people?" You need people for some things—like building houses together or working on farms—but otherwise these people didn't seem very useful at all...

I saw some people walking around outside some houses carrying long sticks with large round objects attached at the top; sometimes they'd hit these objects against buildings or whatever was standing nearby before picking up pieces from whatever fell down afterward and taking them back inside their house with them! What strange creatures these are...do they think they're beating each other up?

I looked around again only this time things looked different somehow; there were fewer people outside now and many more houses seemed closed tight than before: some even had closed doors right next to open ones with no difference between them whatsoever! In fact most doors looked closed except for the one right next door which happened to be open...

Aha! That's why nobody's talking anymore—they're all inside their houses where nobody can see them behind those closed doors! Maybe they're embarrassed about something? But why would anyone be embarrassed about living somewhere you can close your door? Do people just not want others walking by their houses anymore? Is privacy such a big deal nowadays?

Maybe if I listen closely enough I'll be able to hear what's going on inside those closed doors...I couldn't understand much today but maybe later on today will be different? Everyone keeps telling me about how great music is but then nobody wants me listening when its being played...

But how can I hear anything without opening this door? If only my legs were not broken then perhaps I could lean closer without having to move this chair...but if only wishes were horses then beggars would ride! Oh what am I thinking?! What good would wishing do me?! It's not like wishes are any good anyway—my father told me that wishes don't make things better no matter how hard you wish for them since you never get what you want anyway no matter how many times you wish for it like those silly fairy tales used to tell us years ago when we were young children who still believed in magic...he said wishes only make things worse, especially because we always end up wishing for things we don't really want deep down anyways since we're too afraid or lazy or stupid or simpleminded to really figure out what we really need instead or what would really make us happy if we ever got it in our hands instead...but does anyone really know what makes them truly happy until after they've gotten whatever it is they wanted all along? Whatever happiness means anyways...? If only wishes came true then people wouldn't complain about how boring life is anymore because everything would always be new and exciting every single day forevermore thanks to magic wishes granting whatever impossible thing a person wants most in life meaning reality would start seeming boring by comparison causing everyone everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere forevermore now suddenly otherwise therefore somehow sooner or later eventually hopefully eventually sooner later soon eventually someday soon someday later someday soon someday later someday faster sooner earlier sooner sooner earlier sooner sooner earlier faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster than anybody ever imagined even someone half-dead like me could likely rise above reality itself if only wishes came true then maybe even someone as useless as me could find himself living a happy life again too instead of being stuck shaking his head sadly at church service whenever people throw fake money into collection plates labeled "For Church" as if throwing money away is somehow helping God help poor cripples like me get better instead...if only wishes came true then maybe life itself wouldn't seem quite so bad anymore either since wishes bring happiness wherever else life might be duller than death thanks to magic wishes granting everything under the sun ensuring reality seems boring by comparison causing everyone everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere forevermore now suddenly otherwise therefore somehow sooner or later eventually hopefully eventually sooner later soon eventually someday soon someday later someday soon someday later someday longer sooner earlier sooner sooner earlier sooner sooner earlier faster faster faster faster faster faster faster faster fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast fast faster than anyone ever imagined even someone half-dead like me could likely rise above reality itself if only wishes came true then maybe even someone as useless as me could find himself living a happy life again too instead of being stuck shaking his head sadly at church service whenever people throw fake money into collection plates labeled "For Church" as if throwing money away is somehow helping God help poor cripples like me get better instead...if only wishes came true then maybe life itself wouldn't seem quite so bad anymore either since wishes bring happiness wherever else life might be duller than death thanks to magic wishes granting everything under the sun ensuring reality seems boring by comparison causing everyone everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere everywhere heavens space universe galaxy solar system planet country city state town village city town state house house home abode home family farm field work work job job business