Surfacing Desires

"I am not afraid to die."

That was my mantra.

It was something I had said to myself every day for the past year. Every morning, when I woke up and looked in the mirror, I said it to myself. When I walked out of my house, onto the streets of my underwater colony, and saw the clear blue ocean stretching beyond, I said it to myself. When I went to work at the factory, where they made the glass tanks that kept us all safe from the water outside, I said it to myself. And every night before bed, when my eyes fluttered closed and my consciousness drifted away into slumber's embrace, I whispered it one last time before falling asleep.

"I am not afraid to die."

It was something my mother used to say. She told me about her life on land when she was younger—before she married my father and came down here with him to start a family. She told me about how her parents had died in an accident when she was young; how they had been lost at sea while on a cruise and no trace of them had ever been found. She told me how scared she had been then—how much it had hurt her—but how she could laugh about it now because death didn't scare her anymore.

So I would tell myself that every day too: "Death doesn't scare me." It helped keep me calm. It helped keep me sane in this place where everything else screamed for attention and chaos tore through reality like a hurricane through a palm tree farm. The machine noises never stopped, the people never stopped moving around us like we were all just cogs in some kind of elaborate clockwork machine that maintained our very lives, and even now as I sat here alone on my bed with nothing but silence surrounding me I still could hear their screams echo into my mind like some sort of haunting ghost-memory. But if there was one thing left in this world that could make me feel safe again…

"I am not afraid to die."

My eyes met hers across the room. She was sitting by her desk, writing something down on her tablet while she listened to music through her headphones. Her name was Amberly; the same girl who joined our colony only two years ago after being shipwrecked along with some other refugees from another colony farther down coast. We didn't know anything about where she came from or what her life before looked like; all we knew were the stories she told us when we asked her questions and how friendly she seemed whenever we talked to her—or sometimes even when we just stood next to each other and watched the sunset together at the edge of our town's walled perimeter. As far as I knew, we were friends now…maybe more than that? It wasn't like either one of us confirmed our relationship status with one another (I wouldn't know what *that* meant anyhow), but we had gone on plenty of dates together over these last few months…

Amberly turned and looked back at me again for a few seconds; then she smiled and motioned for me to come over to her side of the room with a wide wave of her arm—her smile so beautiful it felt like a knife slicing through my heart while at once simultaneously granting me absolution from any sins I may have committed against existence in this world thus far…

I took a deep breath before letting it all out slowly…and then suddenly jumped off my bed and sprinted across the room towards her without thinking another thought or feeling another emotion besides pure joy for what might happen next between us in this moment together…

Amberly turned up the volume on her music player even louder as I approached—so loud that you could barely hear yourself think anymore—and pulled off her headphones so that as soon as I reached her side she could lean forward towards me with a giggle and kiss me on the cheek…

"Hi there!" She said with a smile as sweet as honey while simultaneously grabbing hold of both sides of my face with both hands before pulling me into another kiss right on top of my mouth! Electricity surged through every fiber of sweat-soaked muscle in my body as if someone had injected pure lightning directly into my bloodstream instead of blood…

"How are you doing today?" Amberly asked as she pulled away from me again; this time letting go of both sides of my face so that she didn't accidentally hurt me while also allowing us both enough space between us so that we could look each other in the eyes. All those tiny hairs on top of my head felt like they were standing straight up now, almost like they were reaching for one another with ecstatic passion for what would happen next between us!!

"I'm doing great now," I replied, my voice slightly shaky with excitement. "Especially after that wonderful greeting."

Amberly chuckled, a sound that sent warmth spreading through my chest. "I'm glad to hear that. You always bring a spark of joy to my day."

The sentiment made my heart soar. I couldn't hide the smile that spread across my face. "You do the same for me, Amberly. Every day."

We settled into comfortable silence, our eyes locked as if speaking a language only we understood. The noise of the outside world faded away, leaving only the faint melodies from Amberly's music player lingering in the air. In that moment, it felt as if we were the only two people left in the world.

A soft breeze blew in through the open window, carrying with it the scent of saltwater. It whispered promises of adventure and explored the depths of our imagination. I couldn't help but wonder where it would take us, what uncharted territories we would discover together.

Amberly broke the silence, her voice barely above a whisper. "You know, sometimes I feel like there's something missing here, beneath the water's surface. Like there's a whole world out there that we're still yet to explore."

I nodded, understanding the longing in her words. The underwater colony was all we knew, a sanctuary in the submerged depths. But the ocean called to us, an untamed wilderness waiting to be discovered.

"I often dream about what lies beyond these walls," I admitted, my voice filled with a mix of curiosity and yearning. "I can't help but wonder what it would feel like to dive into the unknown."

Amberly's eyes sparkled with excitement, mirroring my sentiments. "Let's make a pact then," she said, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "We'll explore the world together, hand in hand. No fear, no regrets. Just the two of us against the vast expanse."

My heart swelled with exhilaration and a hint of trepidation. But I knew deep down that it was a promise worth making—a promise that would shape the course of our lives forever.

"I'm in," I replied, my voice firm and resolute. "I'm ready to dive into the unknown, to face whatever challenges lie ahead. As long as we're together, I know we can conquer anything."

Amberly leaned forward, her lips grazing mine in a gentle, tender kiss. It held the promise of unity, of unbreakable connection. In that moment, our fears, doubts, and the ever-looming specter of death melted away like distant memories.

We pulled away, our foreheads touching as we gazed into each other's eyes. The pulsating beat of the music surrounded us, the rhythm of our hearts in sync with its melody.

"Remember," Amberly whispered, her voice a breathy echo. "No matter what happens, we are not afraid to live."

I smiled, feeling the weight of her words settle into my being. "Nor are we afraid to die."

And with that, we stood side by side, ready to step beyond the confines of our underwater home, into the vast unknown. Together, we would venture into the uncharted depths, unafraid to face whatever lay ahead, hand in hand, as our hearts danced to the rhythm of the ocean.