Lou's Stone Age Odyssey

The first time I met them, they were all crouched on the ground, in a small circle. They didn't move. I could just make out the faintest of whispers between them.

"I hate you."

"You always ruin everything."

"It's not fair."

"You're such a bum."

"Why won't you get a job?"

The insults went on for so long, it felt like my stomach was trying to digest itself. I hadn't seen shrinks when I was young and now - seeing these five aliens that looked like children, but acted like adults - I felt like they were all speaking to me, even though they weren't. But at the same time, they were speaking to me in a way that no one has ever spoken to me before.

I'd been hired by the village elder - a man with a crooked back and three hands who carried himself with great pride and gravity - to watch over these five youths while their parents were away on "business". It was only supposed to be one night. Just babysit these kids until morning.

The village elder had given them tiny glasses of juice and offered me some too but I didn't want any juice. He kept asking me questions about myself and where I came from but all I could focus on was the kids, who continued whispering insults at each other throughout the whole time we talked; insults that made me feel ugly, worthless, stupid and terrible.

One kid - he looked like he might have been nine or ten years old - never said anything at all. He just stared at his feet as if he had something important to say but he couldn't ever seem to find the words for whatever it was he needed to say.

When the village elder finally finished talking about himself and asked if there was anything else I wanted to know about him or his village, those kids suddenly stopped whispering and started looking at us again. When the oldest one spoke up and said the word "food", it took me by surprise because she sounded so adult-like when she said it. But then the youngest one (who looked more like a toddler than a teenager), said "I'm hungry too," and everyone started giggling and laughing as if none of them had ever heard that joke before.

We walked to their house together but when we got there, their parents still weren't home yet so there wasn't much for us to do except sit around for a little bit and drink their juice while listening to quiet music that made my head hurt even worse than it already did.

Suddenly, one of the older kids screamed out loud: "Ugh! This is boring!" She walked over to her brother (who looked kind of like a lizard), grabbed his tail and dragged him into another room where she threw him onto an old bed while she climbed on top of him and attempted to make out with him despite his protests. He struggled against her advances, exclaiming things like: "That hurts!" And: "Let go!" And: "Get off!" And: "Your breath smells!"

Her two older sisters were watching this scene unfold from across the room while sitting on an old couch together, smoking cigarettes. One of them finally broke away from her sister long enough to walk into the room with us where she began teasing her brother by saying things like: "Don't let your sister touch you! She'll turn you gay!" And: "No touching! No touching! No touching!" Then she went over to her younger sister who appeared exhausted from the entire ordeal, rolled up her sleeves (which revealed arms covered in tattoos) and pulled her up from the bed by her arm. She then dragged her into another room where she pushed her into what looked like an old closet filled with dirty clothes. Shutting the door behind both of them, she yelled out loud: "No sex! No sex! No sex!"

It was getting late now, but no one seemed tired or ready for bed. Instead, they kept yelling things out loud at each other until someone finally shouted: "Shut up!" Then everyone went silent again as if they were waiting for something exciting to happen next. But nothing did happen, so eventually they all grew bored once more. This time they resorted to throwing rocks at each other instead of yelling, until someone eventually shouted again: "Stop it!! Stop fighting!!" Everyone just stood there, staring at each other in silence, until finally another voice broke the silence by screaming out loud: "I hate everybody!!" Chaos ensued, with everyone running over to others and starting to hit each other. It wasn't long before one person ended up bleeding badly from being hit so many times, which prompted everyone else to stop and cry, realizing the consequences of their actions.

When the children's parents finally arrived home shortly after midnight, their alien offspring were all asleep on various pieces of furniture around the house, except for one teenage girl who was crying quietly while sitting under an