A Journey of Self-Acceptance: Thema in Ancient Egypt

She wasn’t sure when the longing began, but she knew it was a long time ago. For as long as she could remember she had been intrigued by women.

She had seen them at the market, with their mothers or wives, and they had always seemed different to her. She would see the way they held their shoulders back and how they walked like they owned the world. Their voices were low and husky, never shrill or weak like that of most women. Thema had always found herself drawn to them and the feelings hadn’t gone away over time.

She even tried to speak to one once. She thought if she could just talk to one, then maybe she could figure out what it was about them that kept drawing her in. But just as she had reached out to touch one, one of her mother’s men grabbed her and dragged her away. He told her that men don’t touch other men at all unless they want to be beaten senseless. And he didn’t want to beat Thema because he liked her, so she should just keep her hands to herself from now on.

Thema didn’t want the man to beat her for touching a woman, but she couldn’t quite understand why he wouldn’t want to beat a boy for touching another boy either. It didn’t seem fair at all and ever since that day Thema couldn't stop thinking about it. She tried speaking with another servant girl once, but that only ended up with Thema being yelled at again, this time by the girl's mother who didn't like "her kind."

It was just easier if she just kept quiet about everything and hoped no one ever noticed how she felt about women and how that made her different from everyone else around her. Her parents were good people and all, but they were very religious and that meant no same sex love was allowed in their house. And even though Thema knew part of what they said made sense, especially after that day with the other servant girl's mother who had raised hell about it when Thema's mother found out what happened, there was still something inside of Thema telling her that it wasn't right not being allowed to love whomever you wanted too.

She knew people had feelings for others who weren't the opposite sex sometimes too; she'd heard stories of men lusting after each other when they were drunk in taverns or at festivals after a hard day's work was done. But those same people would always have their heads chopped off in the morning if someone found out what they did behind closed doors after everyone was asleep where no one could see them doing those things with each other.

So Thema kept quiet about her feelings for women and instead focused all her attention on focusing on pleasing others around her in hopes that maybe one day someone would notice all the good things about herself instead of what made her different from everyone around here and accept that into their life as well.

But that didn't happen at all because no matter how hard Thema tried to be perfect for everyone else around her no matter where she went or who she spoke with there was always something wrong with whatever it is she did or said every single time until it started making her feel worthless and hopeless no matter how hard she tried not too. It got so bad at one point that she considered throwing herself off a cliff because she figured if nothing else ever worked out for her in this life then maybe death would finally give Thema what she really wanted; love between herself and someone else who wouldn't judge her or make fun of any part of who she really was deep down inside where no one could see it except for herself alone in private whenever no one else is watching or listening right next to her without ever passing judgment on anything or anyone around them without giving anyone else permission to do so either because whether you're a man or a woman you're still human first and foremost before anything else is allowed on this earth before everything else starts happening outside your control which is probably why some people thought God hated gays so much because humans are supposed to have free will first before anything else gets shoved down their throats against their own will as well like how some people think God hates women too which is also total bullshit because regardless of gender you're still human first which means you're supposed to be free from judgment from anyone else before anything else gets shoved down your throat against your own will as well which shouldn't happen at all because gender doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with humanity which means gender shouldn't play any part whatsoever in the way we treat each other either while we're alive on this planet Earth together as humans first before everything else gets shoved down our throats against our own wises just like how some people think God hates gays too which is total bullshit because it shouldn't matter if someone's gay or straight or bisexual or pansexual or transgender or gender fluid etcetera etcetera... People need to start acting more like humans first before everything else gets shoved down our throats against our own wills instead of being judged based on whatever we are born as whenever we shouldn't be judged based on anything but humanity alone which is what makes us all human beings together in the first place instead of being treated any differently than anyone else who isn't subject too like so many people think God does in life which is total bullshit because treating someone any differently than anyone else shouldn't happen at all because otherwise it turns into discrimination which is totally stupid since you can only discriminate against someone if you know something about them that no one else knows yet otherwise you'd be unknowingly discriminating against every single person living on this planet already which makes no sense whatsoever especially since there are over 6 billion people living here already alive today along with an estimated 100 trillion more people expected to be born between now and when we die which means discriminating against anyone period should never happen anywhere under any circumstances no matter where you go or where you live on this planet Earth because otherwise we wouldn't be treating each other fairly anymore which means we wouldn't be treating each other like humans first anymore either before everything else gets shoved down our throats against our own wills instead of being treated fairly first without judgment based on anything but humanity itself alone while we're still alive here together as human beings without any differences whatsoever between us without any judgment whatsoever towards anyone whatsoever regardless of gender sexuality religion etcetera...

In fact I've decided I'm going to go write about this idea somewhere so everyone can read it when my mother finds me dead here hanging from this tree branch up above my head instead from jumping off a cliff into the ocean below after writing all of these thoughts down here myself in my journal before deciding I'm going to end my life instead now sooner than later now whenever I just remembered earlier today while working in service at court today while serving food at a feast thrown by Pharaoh himself during his 60th birthday celebration today earlier today when I saw Kheta the older servant woman walking through Pharaoh's court house kitchen area earlier today seeing Kheta walk through here standing next beside me helping me carry platter after platter over my shoulder after platter balancing precariously along my spine up into Pharaoh's banquet hall seeing Kheta helping me carry platter after platter up into Pharaoh's banquet hall knowing Kheta has been working here longer than I have seeing Kheta helping me carry platter after platter up into Pharaoh's banquet hall knowing Kheta has more experience than I do seeing Kheta helping me carry platter after platter up into Pharaoh's banquet hall knowing Kheta knows more than I do seeing Kheta helping me carry platter after platter up into Pharaoh's banquet hall knowing Kheta has always been stronger than I am...