Rising with the Waves

Joanne watched the waves roll in and out, each one washing away the pain.

"You can lose everything but the sea."

It was an old saying. Something her father used to say. It had always made her smile. He'd lived on a beach in Ireland, where he'd left her mother when she was only two years old. Joanne had never understood why he would leave his wife and child behind, but he'd said one day she would. And she supposed it was true. He'd moved to America with his new wife, and Joanne hadn't seen him again until her twentieth birthday, when he'd shown up at her doorstep with a small gift. A keychain with a tiny claddagh charm and a note that read "You can lose everything but the sea." She smiled as the waves rolled in and out, feeling like he was watching her from somewhere nearby.

She looked down at her left hand; five rings on each finger - one for each of the men she'd loved enough to marry - all gone now, except for one. Her fingers were adorned with diamonds and sapphires and rubies and pearls, but there was one ring that stood out among them all: a plain gold band that had been worn by three generations of women before her. Her mother's wedding ring. The woman who had left Joanne's father in Ireland so long ago because she couldn't take care of Joanne alone. Joanne had promised herself that she wouldn't make the same mistakes as her mother, but here she was: a forty-one year old woman with five dead husbands who sat on the beach by herself every night waiting for someone to walk into her life who would love her enough to marry her and then pass away, giving her an excuse to wear her mother's ring again.

Joanne sighed as the waves rolled in and out once more, watching them crash against the rocks below as they broke into foam that turned into mist as it hit the air. It reminded her of when they were growing up together back home in Dublin when they would sneak out after dark and run through puddles just to see their little sisters' faces light up as they splashed through the streets covered in misty rainwater. They would laugh together as they raced through puddles left by passing cars, putting their hands over their mouths to stifle their giggles as they ran away from any adults who might think they were misbehaving outside at night without permission.

"We should go back inside now," Joanne said as she pulled herself out of the memory and back into reality. She cleared her throat into the palm of her hand to chase away the lump that had formed there before turning back towards Ginny's house to face whatever punishment awaited there for sneaking out without permission this time around. They would probably slap them both on the hands or something similar, while telling them what good girls they were, so they didn't feel guilty about punishing them just then. However, maybe if they were sneaky enough this time, perhaps no one would notice until tomorrow morning? Maybe no one would wind up getting hurt?

Joanne didn't know how many times she had thought these things before, remembering how easily those thoughts could be crushed by some random adult walking past on the street who didn't understand how hard it is not having parents around sometimes, or worse yet by someone who blamed *them* instead of their caregivers for daring to live without supervision. She turned from Ginny's house and faced Manhattan Beach again as she tried not to think about anything else but the beauty of the night, full of clear skies and gentle ocean breezes.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she pushed aside memories of those other nights when people hadn't noticed her and Ginny's secret escapades despite trying so hard to be quiet. Then, how those same people suddenly found out anyway because someone felt like ruining everybody's night by pointing fingers at them instead of looking at their caregivers who might actually be responsible for letting little girls sneak off during the night.

Joanne looked down at her feet where sand met grass at water's edge as tears began to fill up in her eyes once more. She reached down and wrapped both arms around herself while rocking slowly on her feet, trying not to break down crying right there in front of everyone. Nobody ever noticed how hard it is not having parents around sometimes or maybe how hard it is living without any family whatsoever. If someone had noticed all those times when people weren't being allowed inside because somebody got mad enough about Joanne sneaking outside during the night, perhaps someone would have bothered looking closer at why they were angered so often. Maybe somebody would have bothered noticing sooner that she needed someone else looking after her instead of feeling guilty about their own circumstances. Maybe then somebody would have helped fix things before everything got too messed up to repair.

Joanne tilted her head upward towards the sky while tears rolled down her cheeks as sobs racked her