Farting His Way to Freedom: Ernest's Wild Missions

The rain was pelting down on Ernest Jones. He looked up at the dark sky and pulled his hood further over his head. He began to run again, but he realised that running wasn’t going to help him. He had already been running for a long time, and he was exhausted. His leg was aching, and he couldn’t move any more. It was either risk being caught by the police, or risk getting wet.

Ernest knew that it wouldn’t be long until the police found him. He could see their headlights in the distance behind him. They were slowly gaining ground on him, and if he didn’t find shelter soon, they would catch him. Suddenly, he saw something up ahead on the path. It was a small shack, which looked like it belonged in a fairy tale. It had a white picket fence around it, which was covered in ivy, and there were even several gnomes outside with pointy hats on their heads. There was smoke coming out of the chimney, and there was also a light on inside.

Ernest decided that this shack would be perfect for sheltering from the rain! He ran towards it as quickly as he could manage with his leg. When he got to the front door of the shack, he pushed it open and went inside. He stood there dripping wet in front of an old man and an old lady who were looking at him curiously. Ernest smiled apologetically at them both, before removing his hood and shaking himself all over the room in order to get rid of most of the water from his jacket.

“Hello there!” said Ernest cheerfully when he had finished shaking himself off “I do hope you don’t mind me intruding like this! I seem to have gotten myself lost while I was out walking my little dog today…”

The old man just kept staring at Ernest intently with piercing blue eyes, while the old lady started to giggle gently at Ernest’s excuse for breaking into their home so late at night with no invitation. She stopped giggling suddenly though when she saw how serious her husband looked as he continued to stare at Ernest through narrowed eyes without saying anything back to him.

“Well anyway… where are my manners? I should introduce myself… My name is Ernest Jones! Its nice to meet you!”

Finally, after much encouragement from his wife, who seemed desperate for conversation to continue between them all, The Old Man spoke up:

“I don’t know what kind of game you think you are playing young man… But you have some nerve trying to fool us like that! You can drop your pretence right now because we know perfectly well who you really are! Your name is NOT Ernest Jones… Now what do you want here in our home? What do you want with us? And why did you break into our property in order to get here? You just wait right there while I get my gun… I am going to teach you some manners once and for all… You just wait there young man… Don’t move! We won’t let you hurt us anymore than you already have! You just stay right where you are until we decide how we are going to deal with you… We will decide what is best for all three of us... Just wait there.. Until we have decided what needs doing.. Go on.. Get yourself dry by the fire…. Make yourself comfortable…. We can talk about things in a minute…. Oh yes.. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable…. We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable.... We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…. Make himself comfortable.... We can talk about things after we decide what needs doing.. Get himself dry by the fire…."