The Mourning Star: A Journey Through Isolation and Hope

It all started a long time ago, when I was still a young man. My father had died a few years before then, leaving me alone on Earth. I had always been a bit of a hermit, and so it was no surprise that I left the planet without much regret.

I had always wanted to explore the stars, but now that I was actually on my way to do this, I found that I wasn't quite ready for it. What could be out there? Who could be out there? The only lifeforms we had ever discovered were bacteria and insects. What if space really was empty? What if I'm the last human being alive in the entire universe?

I forced myself to stop these thoughts. There was no point in worrying about such things now. If anything, it was better not to think about them at all.

I turned on my computer and began creating a map of the sky around me. It would take years to map even a small section of the sky, but this would get me started.

After some time, another thought occurred to me. Why did I have to keep looking forward? The stars are infinite, they will always go on forever, but why should I as well? Surely there are other planets out there that are occupied by intelligent life! And yet...I hadn't seen any indication of such life on the route from Earth to here. Perhaps the universe only contained bacteria and insects after all.

I decided to take a break from my work and went out onto the observation deck. Without gravity outside of my ship, it didn't feel like being outdoors at all. It felt more like floating inside of a black void filled with stars.

A thought occurred to me: what would happen if my ship suddenly stopped working? Would I die instantly from lack of oxygen? Would I drift forever through space until my body decayed? Or would something else happen?

The idea of death held no fear for me, but it seemed like such a waste to just float in space forever. At least if you're dead you can stop thinking about everything and simply let yourself fade away into nothingness...but what if you were trapped in an endless void for all eternity, barely hanging on by your wits and sanity alone?

I shook my head again. This is getting ridiculous! Here I am floating in space by myself thinking about death! Perhaps spending so much time alone has finally broken me mentally! This is no good! *Maybe* it's time for me to return home...but maybe *not*, because then I'd have to face *her*.

*Her*. Her face is etched into my memory forever; she is beautiful beyond belief and yet...so distant too! Ever since she moved away with her husband years ago, she has never answered any of my calls or letters! Even though she has never responded directly to me at all! How could she leave me like that? She must know how much she means to me! Yet somehow...she still doesn't care...or maybe *she* doesn't even remember who *I* am anymore?! But that's not possible!!! No one could forget someone as wonderful as *her*!!!