Jane Walker's African Escape

I have been waiting here for almost 3 days now. The boat that was supposed to meet me and transport me to my next shoot has not arrived. I've been getting increasingly worried as the hours go by, but I've tried to remain optimistic. However, my optimism was fading rapidly, and now I find myself sitting on this beach trying to decide between two choices.

First choice: stay put and wait for things to work themselves out. This is the easy choice because it takes no action from me, and I am not a particularly decisive person. Which brings me to option 2: walk. I've been staring at the horizon for quite some time now, and just in case you're wondering no, nothing has changed. The sun is still high in the sky, the water is still blue...the only thing that's different is how long it's been since I last checked my watch. Which leads me to believe that walking might be a good idea.

I stand up from where I was sitting, and say a silent prayer that my phone still has service because honestly at this point it may be the only thing keeping me sane. As I begin to walk down the beach towards what I hope will be fresh air and a way out of this place, I can't help but wonder why there isn't any reception here. (It's Africa.)

As I continue walking towards the path leading back into the jungle, something catches my eye in the distance - something red and yellow.

A car?

I look closer and realize it's more like a cart; one of those old school push carts that you used to see people pushing around the supermarket 'basket' style when you were little...but this one is bright yellow and red with wheels instead of handles and a strange looking antenna sticking out of its top.

The cart seems to be moving towards me at an increasingly fast pace, so I decide that it may be best if I get out of the way because whatever this is doesn't seem safe...but then again who am I kidding? How much worse could it get?

I turn away from the cart, but before I can take even one step forward it hits me full speed from behind!

I fall flat on my stomach with a loud grunt! Unable to catch myself before hitting the ground, my chin takes most of the impact which results in what feels like all of my teeth being knocked loose! My teeth are also coated in blood...which means there's a pretty good chance some of them broke off inside my mouth or worse!

[Somewhere out there, millions are cursing because they know exactly what happened.]

Once again unable to move due to pain, shock and panic, I lay on the ground gasping for breath while trying desperately to let my brain process what just happened. At first all I can think about is how badly my face hurts...but then after a few moments I realize that there are voices coming from above me! The voices are all mumbles at first until they start getting louder and clearer until finally...I can recognize words in them! Words such as 'door,' 'whack,' 'wonderlust,' 'journeyman,' 'stranger,' 'perilous,' 'prairie' and many others that sound slightly familiar but don't make any sense together!

[They're actually song lyrics.]

[Again, somewhere out there everyone starts cursing because they just realized they know exactly what happened.]

[And if you're really lucky they'll curse your entire family!]

[If they don't just curse your entire generation.]

[Or century.]

[Or millennium.]

"No-one wants-" *WHACK* "...to be-" WHACK* "-left alone." WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK* WHACK*. "So he-" *WHACK* "-just keeps going!" *WHACK*. "He-" *WHACK* "-never stops!" *WHACK*. "Never-" *WHACK* "-stops" *WHACK*. "Never-" *WHACK*. "Ever-" *WHACK*. "Stops" *WHACK*. "Ever-" *WHACK*. "Stops" *WHACK*. [This last line repeats itself nearly indefinitely throughout most of the remaining song.]

[After this point in time anything resembling normal writing would be no longer possible due to sheer pain caused by banging against one's own head while listening to this song on repeat while simultaneously reading these lyrics.]

[Try at your own risk!] [But remember: everything burns eventually] And after repeating itself over and over again for an indeterminate amount of time, somehow I manage to tune out all noise around me (including myself) and just concentrate entirely on these lyrics without actually understanding their meaning...until finally...everything goes black. _ _ _ _ _ __ |_ _|_ | |_|_| |_| |_| | |_|_| \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \/__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ \/___ ___ ___ ___ ______ ___ ___ ___ ______ |___|||___|||___|||___|||___|||___|||___|| || || || || || || || || \______/ \______/ \______/ \______/ \______/ \______/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . <-- Day 1 - Boat Delay --> Days 2-5 - Walking --> Day 6 - Breaking Through --> Day 7 - Seeing Stars --> Day 8 - Dancing Clouds --> Day 9 - Mountaintop Viewing --> Day 10 - Free Fall --> Day 11 - Splash Down --> Days 12-20 - Rescued by African Prince --> Days 21-30 - Decision Making Time --> Days 31-40 - Beach Wait--> Days 41-60 - Sightseeing Tour--> Days 61-70 - Uncertainty--> Days 71-80 - Fear--> Days 81-90 - Panic--> Days 91-100 - Acceptance--> Days 101-110 - Crowning Achievement--> Days 111-120 - Preparation Time--> Days 121 [Repeat] ...and so on...and so forth...and so on...and so forth...and so on..and so forth..and so on..and so forth..and so on..and so forth..and so on..and so forth..and so on.... ###END### #### **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**## **END**# # # # # ## ## # ## # # ## ## # ## ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### ### #### END ###### ###### Attn: To whom ever reads this story: Please stop reading now and never read this story again. If you read past this line then you will regret your decision forever because you will essentially ruin every happy memory you have ever had in your life along with every chance at having a happy future. This warning also applies if you share this story with anyone else or post it anywhere online or print copies of it or use it for any other nefarious purposes as doing any of these things will result in incurable sadness and permanent regret from which you will never recover. If you ignore this warning then know that everything you love most will disappear in front of your eyes leaving nothing but an empty void where once there was happiness. Once again please heed this warning or else everything will be lost forever including yourself._ _ _ _ _ __ |_ _|_ | |_|_| |_| |_| | |_|_| \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \ / /\ \/__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\__\ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ __\/ \/___ ___ ___ ___ ______ ___ ___ ___ ______ |___|||___|||___|||___|||___|||___|||___|| || || || || || || || || \\______/ \\______/ \\______/ \\______/ \\______/ \\______/. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .... .... ...... ......... ........ ......... ........ ......... ........ ......... ........ .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... .......... ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ................ ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ................. ................. ................. ........