Courage and Hope: The FBI Agents' Romance

The first night Emily and Tara went on a date, there was no dinner. They sat at a bar, sipping their drinks and pretending to make small talk.

It was hard to tell who was more nervous. Emily had been in this position before - many times before - but she never got used to it. The whole situation felt so out of place, so unnatural. She was an agent for the FBI. A federal agent of the United States government. This was not normal behavior for a federal agent of the United States government. Emily Prentiss simply did not do things like this.

But then, sitting next to her old friend, drinking cheap beer and trying desperately to avoid eye contact, Tara did not seem much better suited for this situation either. Although she was more accustomed to dating than Emily, the two women had known each other for years - practically since the beginning of their careers - and had never seen each other in this light before. Tara Lewis did not do things like this either.

"So," said Tara finally, forcing herself to say something that would break the silence between them, "you're still with Reid?" When Emily looked up from her drink and gave her a quizzical look, Tara hastily added: "I mean... you're still... together-together with Reid? I know you guys have been married for a while now..."

Emily nodded slowly, taking another sip of her beer before answering. "We're still together."

Tara nodded back in response, then turned her head to look at the clock on the wall by their booth. It read 10:15 pm. "How long has it been?" she asked quietly, shifting in her seat until she was turned towards Emily rather than away from her entirely. "Since we've talked?"

Emily sighed softly and took another drink from her glass before responding: "A little over five years." She could feel Tara's eyes on her as she spoke, watching as she set down her glass and reached into her purse for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "You really haven't changed much..." Emily mused as she lit one up and blew out a stream of smoke into the air above her head where it quickly disappeared behind someone else's breath. "Not many people still smoke these days..."

Tara smiled sadly at the compliment and bit into her lower lip as she watched Emily smoke in front of her with no sign that it bothered her at all. After several minutes had passed in silence - though they both seemed much longer - Tara spoke again: "I'm actually surprised you haven't quit yet."

Emily laughed softly as she replied: "I thought about it once or twice... but I just couldn't bring myself to do it." She paused briefly before adding: "Too many bad memories."

Tara glanced away from Emily's face to study hers more carefully as she responded: "Yeah..." Then suddenly, as if realizing what she had said aloud, Tara's eyes widened slightly and she blushed deeply as she began fumbling with words to change the subject:

"So..." Emily started before Tara could say anything further, "...how is Reid anyway?" Tara shrugged awkwardly before responding: "He's good... He's working on his doctorate right now." She paused briefly before adding: "He says he wants to start his own psychiatry practice when he graduates... I think he might be smoking some of your cigarettes too." Despite everything that happened between them - everything they had said - there was still a hint of warmth in Tara's voice when she spoke about him and though Emily knew how hard it must have been for Tara to even speak about him in the first place after everything that happened between them five years ago... there was also something new in the way Tara spoke about him now that made Emily wonder if maybe there wasn't something else going on between those two now after all... but then again... what did it matter anyway? Why would it matter? Both women were married... both women loved their husbands very much... none of this should matter anymore... but somehow it always seemed to find its way back into their lives no matter how hard they tried to ignore it all... Five years ago they'd fought over Reid because both wanted him for themselves - one woman losing out on him because another woman wanted him too much... but now they were both married against their own wishes and both regretted ever leaving their respective partners so they could be together instead only to realize later that they couldn't stay away from each other any more than they already had no matter how hard they tried... There were so many questions left unanswered between them... so many secrets kept untold... So many unspoken feelings lingering under the surface that neither woman dared bring up because they would only bring up too many painful memories from five years ago when it all fell apart in the end anyway ... nothing lasted forever after all... no relationship could survive through everything life threw at you without some scars left behind somewhere along the way... But these were two women who were willing to fight for what they believed in no matter what anybody else said or thought about them... two women who were willing to risk everything for happiness even if that happiness meant risking happiness itself every time because without risk there would never be any reward at all... And sometimes love just wasn't enough to get you through life alone after all no matter how strong your convictions were or how well intentioned your goals might have been... Sometimes love just wasn't enough to save you after all ... Sometimes love just wasn't enough....