Red Journeys: Salla's Quest on Mars

A loud clank could be heard as the hatch closed behind me. I felt the sudden change in pressure that startled my ears and broke my concentration.

The lights turned on immediately, revealing a small room with a few seats and cabinets filled with supplies. I took off the helmet that protected me from the pressure of the environment and looked at my surroundings. Everything seemed to be working just fine.

I checked my watch to see how much time had passed since I first awoke on this mission. It had been 183 days so far; approximately 45 days until rendezvous. I was excited to return home, but also anxious about what would await me after a long absence.

The only one who knew about this trip was my boyfriend, Rylan, who was left back on Earth. We mutually agreed upon it before the launch - he didn't want to leave his job and I didn't want to leave him behind. We were both hesitant about it, but I knew there would be nothing left for us if we stayed together back on Earth. The two of us were devouring each other alive, trying desperately to make things work, but something stronger than love was sinking our ship's stability into uncertainty. Our situation was not uncommon, but that didn't make it any easier for the two of us.

I fell for Rylan when he saved me from drowning in the ocean during one of his trips to Miami - a little more than a year ago. Coming from a broken family and having struggled to get by on my own ever since I moved out of my parent's house at 18, I wasn't planning on falling in love anytime soon; especially with someone who lives across the planet from me.

Rylan broke through all barriers that I had built around myself over the years and exposed everything that I believed to be true about myself: self-worthlessness, abandonment issues, low self-esteem... But most importantly he showed me what true love really is; both when it is reciprocated and when it isn't.

I'm not sure if I'll ever feel like going back to him after this trip; whether or not he is still waiting for me or if something else has already happened while I've been gone for so long -- even though "long" was just 45 days and "gone" was just to another planet -- but somehow I knew deep inside that no matter what happened or what choices lay ahead of me, this new adventure would help me find clarity and direction in life again. And perhaps find myself on the way as well.