Nattea and the Mystical Forest

I hated being sick. I mean, I hated being sick at home. Being sick at school was fine. Teachers couldn't help but smile as they asked me if I wanted to go to the nurse's office and get a pass. Nurse Jones was really nice. She always had sweets for us. But here, in this house, it was different.

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, trying to keep myself from having to get up again and use the bathroom. My stomach had been hurting all day, and now that Mom wasn't home yet, it was worse than ever. I tried not to think about anything outside my room. Outside meant he was there. My stepfather, Darth Vader. The very thought of him made my stomach turn over again, and I swallowed hard against the bile that rose in my throat.

Darth Vader was what Mom called him when she'd had too much wine or when she'd forgotten her glasses and couldn't see well enough to see his eyes go cold when she called him that or when she'd gone way past her time limit on the computer and hadn't erased all those emails she regretted sending to everyone in the family before Darth Vader found them hidden away in her Drafts folder and went ballistic and broke her glasses so she couldn't see until he bought new ones that cost three hundred dollars because he wanted to spend as little money as possible on his wife's eye care needs but didn't hesitate to spend sixty-seven dollars on new golf clubs for himself because he knew how important it was to look good when you were playing with your lawyer friends who talked about property values and equity splits after eighteen holes even though we were only renting the house and were going to move when Darth Vader finally got around to selling it because he'd said so many times already but then he'd get mad when no one believed him anymore because we always ended up staying longer than we planned which meant we spent more money on water bottles and microwave dinners than we would have if we'd just left like he kept saying we should but which never happened because Darth Vader didn't like moving things around by himself which meant that we always stayed longer than expected which meant less money for Darth Vader which meant he got angry more often than not which meant that Mom kept calling him Darth Vader behind his back which made him even angrier which put me right in the middle of their fight cycle which wasn't fun at all.)

I took a deep breath, trying not to think about any of that stuff, but mostly thinking about it anyway. What else could I do? And then it hit me: It came out of nowhere, but suddenly I was remembering something from earlier today — something awesome!

I smiled despite myself as I thought of it again — how cool! — and then I thought about how everything in my life had been pretty dull lately since Uncle Matt died last month from cancer (he had cancer for a long time before anyone knew; Uncle Matt could keep a secret). So this memory — this cool thing — was kind of like a ray of sunshine in my life right now; you know what I'm saying?

I rolled over on my side, trying to ignore the sharp pains in my body as I remembered what happened earlier today; it sounded so cool! And maybe … maybe telling Mom about it would give us something lighthearted to talk about tonight at dinner instead of all the dark things we usually talked about with Star Wars blasting in the background as if it were a horror movie instead of a movie about rebels fighting an evil empire which is what Uncle Matt used to say whenever Darth Vader tried putting one of his stupid Star Wars movies on TV instead of something Uncle Matt wanted to watch — which was always something cheesy like Avatar or The Muppets Christmas Carol or The Princess Bride or Monty Python or whatever because Uncle Matt loved making older people laugh (which is why he was such a good dentist) — trying his best not to laugh himself at how lame some of those movies were even though he loved them anyway because they reminded him of old comedy routines he used to do with Dad (who died before I was born so I don't remember him at all) …

But anyway. Back up: What happened earlier today? Yeah! So Mom went out shopping with her friend Josie who lives down the road from us (she's nice; she doesn't ask us weird questions like some adults do) while Dad was at work (he works too much; Mom says so) and … oh yeah! Luke called me! That's right! He told me that Grandma and Grandpa were taking me out for lunch tomorrow at Grandpa's favorite burger restaurant across town because Grandpa just got a bonus check for selling more dental insurance policies than any dentist in our area except for one other guy (Grandpa says that means he makes more money than most dentists), so they're celebrating by taking me somewhere special where they can also talk business without worrying about anyone overhearing them (actually, Luke said that part; Grandpa didn't say anything since he wasn't exactly thrilled about going out with us kids since his back hurts these days). That's not all!! Aunt Becky is taking Luke for lunch too since she just started working full-time again after staying home with Joey most days last year while Aunt Becky figured out what she wanted to do next after having Joey (who's super cute by the way) but then Joey got sick last fall with a horrible virus that made him feel weak all over like every bone in his body ached whenever he stood up instead of walking around like usual which made Aunt Becky worried enough that she decided not to go back to work after all even though she needed more money than ever with two kids now instead of one kid plus herself plus Dad who still doesn't make enough money for them although Aunt Becky tells me not to tell anyone that — especially Dad. Anyway: Aunt Becky decided not to go back to work full-time even though she really wanted Luke to start kindergarten this fall because Luke has lots of energy and gets super excited when learning new things on his own without needing someone sitting beside him explaining each step along the way while Joey prefers having someone nearby telling him exactly what they want him to do step by step without making mistakes unless they tell him OK or All done OK or Good job Joey or whatever words they decide are best suited for whatever task they're teaching Joey at any given moment — no matter how long it takes — right away instead of waiting until later like Luke who'll happily sit next to you watching ants crawl around for an hour before asking you if you've noticed them yet or if you want him to point them out yourself instead even though every second counts when you're learning something new especially if you're an older sibling like Luke who's already starting kindergarten this fall even though Becky wishes he were younger because then Joey wouldn't have gotten sick last fall which means Becky would be working five days a week instead of four days plus Saturday mornings instead of just one day per week plus Saturdays now thanks mostly to Luke's awesome dad who moved from San Francisco three years ago after losing his job there due partly to global warming somehow turning San Francisco into an island surrounded by ocean water most years so it became hard sometimes for workers leaving downtown San Francisco after work everyday during rainstorms (even just drizzling rain) as well as other bad weather conditions caused by global warming calls its open arms whenever major tech companies needed engineers and programmers ready willing able able able willing willing willing able able & wanting willing & wanting willing & wanting ready able & wanting willing & wanting & wanting etc etc etc ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum … etc etc etc ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum ad nauseum … oh sorry! Sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out sometimes words slip out … oh sorry! Sometimes thoughts go places other thoughts want them too other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere other thoughts want them somewhere else other thoughts want them elsewhere …

Where was I? Oh yeah! So Luke is going with Aunt Becky tomorrow too because Aunt Becky wants him near her where she can keep an eye on him whenever he starts acting weird like Joey does once in a while (but then again Luke does too sometimes so Aunt Becky says). And here's something funny: Josie said she'd take me shopping Sunday afternoon since Grandma has plans with friends Sunday morning before lunch with Grandpa afterward so Josie volunteered herself since Josie loves shopping almost as much as Mom does even though she never spends much money on herself now that Josie has joined Weight Watchers (which is why Josie looks nice even though Josie is forty-two years old) while Mom always complains whenever Josie shops with us mostly because Mom likes spending lots of money whenever possible especially when visiting stores owned by folks who donated lots o' cash o' cash o' cash o' cash o' cash o' cash o' cash o