Caracol Baby Dreams

The following morning I called out to Ellen as usual when I awoke, but she didn't answer back like she usually did when she got up early too to feed our birds or meet with some other friends before school started again soon after winter break ended last month. As far as I knew, we only had one family pet: Jordan, my cat who liked to sleep on top of our clothes drying rack on sunny days like today so he could soak up any warmth he could get without having to move from his spot. He seemed startled when he heard my voice calling for Ellen and jumped down from his spot on the clothes rack, dashing out of sight down the hallway toward Ellen's room where I assumed he thought she would be getting ready for school later that day if not already awake by now as always every morning since she was just about to turn 12 years old last week at the end of January.

My mind raced as I hurried along behind him down the hall toward her room and then stopped short in front of her closed door … what if she was sick? Or hurt even? Maybe we should've stayed home from town yesterday because...oh no! Maybe she fell? She was known for climbing on things around us while we were shopping or visiting friends at their homes instead of playing with other children at social gatherings like most girls her age did these days! What if...? How would I tell Rick? My husband wasn't quite himself lately since his father passed away last summer and now with Ellen being gone too… Oh God! This isn't happening! Please don't let this be happening!

I pushed open Ellen's bedroom door with Jordan right behind me and found her still asleep in her bed, but wrapped up tightly in blankets just like she had been yesterday morning when I had first seen her face peeking out from beneath them as I woke up next to her in our bed downstairs before rushing off to work myself! Why? Why had she done that?

And then all at once everything became crystal clear to me...my little girl wasn't sick or hurt or anything bad at all; rather...she'd done this because...because...she wanted to feel close to me somehow during this time when both Rick and myself were still grieving for his father who passed away last year almost exactly one year ago today! She wanted to pretend in some way that we hadn't lost him so heartbreakingly young but rather that he'd lived long enough for both of us parents - Rick especially - to enjoy seeing his grandchildren grow up right alongside him instead! Both Rick and myself knew better though - we knew better than anyone else how precious life really is even though we'd never talked about that openly with each other until now - not really - but rather we'd kept it locked away inside us where no one else would ever know about it.