Love and Loyalty: Sehun and Chanyeol's Impossible Reunion

There was a time in my life where I hated my brother.

I used to hate him for being the favorite son. For being our father's pride and joy. I used to hate him for being the one who could do no wrong in the eyes of our family - despite the fact that he was constantly trying to do wrong, getting into trouble and causing fights with our older cousins and uncles. I used to hate him because he was a spoiled brat who had everything he wanted handed to him on a silver platter while I was left to fend for myself throughout my childhood. I used to hate him because he was selfish, always thinking only of himself, only doing things if they benefited him, never bothering to think about how it might affect others. And most of all, I used to hate him because he didn't care about me.

I hated him because he would never acknowledge me as his little brother, never treat me like he did his other siblings. He'd call me 'boy' or 'kid', never by my name, never even by anything that felt remotely close to affectionate. He'd beat me up if I got too close, and then laugh about it later with his friends, making fun of how pathetic I was for crying when he pushed me into some mud puddle or made fun of my glasses or the way I dressed or the way I walked or laughed or talked or any other number of things that were deeply personal and hurtful and made me feel terrible about myself. He'd take my food from me at dinner without so much as a glance in my direction or a word spoken in my direction; all the while sitting there looking smug and self-satisfied with himself like he hadn't just robbed his own brother of something he needed to survive. And every night when we went home together after dinner, so close yet so far apart in our lives, all I could do was stare at his back, hating him more than anything else in the world and yet somehow still finding myself unable to find the courage within myself to say anything against it.

But then, one day...I changed my mind about him.

It happened one morning during spring break right after high school graduation when we were finally able to leave Japan behind us and go on this month-long hiking trip together through Europe as a family before Chanyeol went off to college abroad and I stayed back home in Japan for college. The day had started out sunny and bright with a blue sky overhead, but then on our way up into the mountains it began raining lightly. It wasn't until then that Chanyeol finally snapped - suddenly angry at the weather for not behaving how he wanted it to behave - kicking over rocks on the ground around us and shouting angrily at them for getting in his way as though somehow they could hear him and understand what he was saying when clearly they couldn't understand a single word of Japanese being spoken around them - cursing loudly enough that people passing by stared at us with looks of disapproval etched across their faces. But instead of stopping it like she usually did when something like this happened - instead of trying to calm him down and bring him back down out of whatever deep hole inside himself he'd managed to sink himself into - Mother simply stood there watching silently as though she didn't care whether her oldest son survived this trip or not, as though she didn't have any love left within her heart anymore for her eldest child who had caused her nothing but grief since his birth.

In those moments while Chanyeol continued screaming at the dirt beneath his feet, throwing rocks down from ridges onto unsuspecting hikers below like some kind of madman from ancient times, I felt something change inside myself for the first time in years...something awaken inside me that hadn't been there before this moment occurred between us here in these mountains on our family vacation. Something strong enough that it gave me all kinds of courage that I didn't know I possessed previously within myself; strength that enabled me not only stand up against Chanyeol for once - but also knock some sense back into him before anyone got hurt on this mountain by using nothing more than words against him rather than fists like normally happened between us every time we fought each other physically. And eventually...he listened to what I said instead of lashing out violently against me afterwards as expected; listening intently while staring at me with those dark eyes full of anger as though perhaps somewhere deep inside there was still a part of him that cared about what his little brother had to say after all these years despite all evidence otherwise suggesting otherwise over this past decade since we first met each other face-to-face outside Mother's womb after she gave birth to both of us simultaneously during labor!

"Park Chanyeol!" I shouted up towards where he stood on top of an outcropping overlooking everything around us: yelling loudly enough that people passing by stopped moving forward along their path across these European mountainsides long enough to turn their heads towards us with looks of confusion etched across their faces as they asked one another what had caused this sudden outburst from someone who seemed so timid and weak beforehand as though they weren't sure if they should interfere or not! "You're acting like an animal right now! We're supposed to be here on vacation together enjoying Europe together as a family! This isn't supposed be some kind of vacation you can use however you want whenever you want it! This is supposed be something we share together! Do you understand?!"

"Leave me alone," came Chanyeol's voice from above: almost frighteningly calm considering the level at which his voice echoed throughout the air around us from up there where nobody else could see just how upset he really was underneath those stone-faced words! "Go away."

"No." Something deep within me refused that request wholeheartedly - refusing it not just because Mother had given up on her baby boy somewhere along the way during pregnancy after giving birth to two babies at once; but also refusing it because deep down somewhere inside myself where things were buried so deeply underground nobody else could see them except myself...there was still someone who loved my older brother despite everything bad he'd done towards others over these past few years when we lived together under the same roof! "Not until you promise me you'll stop acting like this."

"Why?" Came Chanyeol's voice again from above: sounding angry now despite everything said between us up until now; sounding angry because maybe deep down inside somewhere buried underneath layers upon layers of feelings surrounding both himself and other people scattered throughout his life...he didn't want people seeing just how upset he really was either! "What do you care what happens? You don't care whether or not Mom likes you anymore ever since Dad died..." His voice broke off suddenly there in mid-sentence - choking slightly with emotion before continuing again in a slightly softer tone than before: "Or whether Dad likes you or not either." Continuing harder again before asking angrily again: "Why do you even bother trying anyway? Why try talking to someone who doesn't give two shits about you anymore? Why try talking about anything with someone who doesn't even bother showing up at your graduation ceremony despite all your hard work studying over these last few years? What do you get out of pretending like we're siblings still? Huh? Answer that!"