Auku's Exponential Escape

As I was lying on the surface of the water, drinking in the sun with my eyes closed, something smacked me across the face.

*What in god's name was that!?* I thought to myself. I opened my eyes and looked around.

I couldn't see anything, but there it was again! Something hit me in the face again! That time I felt it against my belly too! It was a terrible pain! My eyes shot open now, hoping to catch whatever this thing was doing this to me.

When I opened my eyes and found my bearings, I saw what had done it. A giant purple balloon was floating a few feet above me. It had just struck me again. *What is that?* I wondered.

In the next moment, the thing began to make a noise ... not just any noise either. To say it best, it sounded like a farting whale. An extremely loud farting whale! A giant purple balloon farting whale!

I could feel myself being lifted into the air by some unseen force as the bubble continued to expand and shrink violently right above me. The whole one-sided fight between it and whatever was inside went on for quite some time.

After what seemed like an eternity of THIS nonsense, I decided to act. Either this thing was going to kill me or calm down, so I might as well try something before pushing up daisies at sea.

"Uh... hello?" I said nervously into the bubble. "Are you alive?" No response from the other side of the bubble ... nothing at all actually, so I tried again with louder volume and more confidence: "Hey bubble! Are you alive?!" As if on cue, it began to shrink down right where my voice came out of.

I began thinking about how stupid of an idea this was when suddenly ... "Yes." What? "Who are you?" It asked in a slow yet powerful voice that seemed to come from all directions at once ... no wait! There were words behind it! This wasn't telepathy; this thing could talk! What kind of creature would have such a large head?! Where is its body?! How large must its lungs be?! "Where am I?!" It said again, sounding slightly irritated at my silence ... which didn't last long because now I knew how to answer him without asking any questions myself. "I'm Auku!" I replied quickly before he could ask again but only got an annoyed groan in response ... luckily for me though he soon realized that he hadn't given his own name yet so he did: "I am Kairon." His voice changed immediately after he finished saying his name, becoming mellow and thoughtful instead of angry or annoyed. *Kairon? Kairon who?* I wondered silently as he spoke again: "How do you intend to help me?" He asked seriously while shrinking down below waist level and getting even closer to me than before ... then almost instantly started growing back up when he finished talking and let out a gigantic breath through his mouthparts which stopped right above my face like an upside-down cumulonimbus cloud ready to spit acid rain on everyone below, only instead of acid rain it released farts that made a strange whistling sound as they exited his butt-hole via his mouthparts as well as jet propulsion making him fly even higher into the sky than before all while he continued talking: "If you can get me under control then maybe we can figure out-" But suddenly he stopped talking and started making another strange noise ... this one sounded less farty than before but still sounded exactly like a whale blowing bubbles underwater or whatever you call that noise whales make anyway (it's different from a regular blowhole blow) but this time it shook the entire ocean around us so hard that Auku began falling onto his back (he never floats though) while Kairon kept flying higher and higher into the sky until finally stopping near where the sun used to be (but not directly over it because that would kill us) and letting out one final big fat burp-style fart before putting himself back into whatever position he normally does when not expanding or contracting because all creatures need to rest sometime after all, even purple balloon whales with mouths for heads who can talk and fly using their own farts for jet propulsion!