Rush Cooper and the Unexpected Rainfall

"Great, just great," I thought to myself as I dragged my wet and stinky self through the village.

I had just been walking through the market when it happened. It was only a few seconds after my last pee break and I had a full bladder so I didn't think twice about leaning against the wall of one of the shops to let it go. After all, how many guys have had an accident in their pants because they were too embarrassed to just pull over? It's not like this is some sort of abnormal situation. What could go wrong?

Well what *could* go wrong is that you are in the middle of a Bronze Age village, with absolutely nothing to change into or use for toilet paper, and you're wearing your favorite pair of Vans with no laces! This was bad enough but when you add to that the fact that it's raining and you are now soaked head to toe in pissy stinkiness, you have yourself quite a fucking mess on your hands my friend.

If there's one thing that sucks worse than being in an embarrassing situation though it's being in an embarrassing situation with no way out. That is why I decided to approach the market stall I had just peed behind and ask if I could use their outhouse. That might sound weird coming from someone who is covered head to toe in his own piss, but what else can you do right? Also, besides my Vans (which are also soaked) I'm dressed pretty well. My jeans are practically brand new and my t-shirt looks great even after being washed in piss twice today.

Turns out the shop owner was unphased by my appearance and even more so when I explained what happened. He brought me back inside his shop, gave me a clean towel to wrap around myself, and showed me where their outhouse was located. Before he got back behind his counter again he even cracked open a bottle of juice for me and said he'd be happy to do business with me any time I wanted to return! Needless to say, I tipped him well (so much so that he even gave me extra change).

With my embarrassment finally over I made my way back toward the edge of town where everybody seemed to be gathered. When I saw why they were all here though I wished they weren't going to see me after all. A group of men had tied up four other men together at the base of a large tree and were preparing them for some sort of public execution. They were beating them up pretty bad before they tied them up and now they were taking turns doing more damage while everyone watched and cheered on. The four tied up men looked like they were barely conscious but still alive, which is good because if they weren't then that would just be another embarrassing thing for me to deal with as well (you know...because then I would've been forced to urinate on four dead bodies).

I'm no hero by any means but watching those poor bastards get beat up like that reminded me that there is nothing that makes you feel like more of a pussy than needing help from strangers at least when it comes to peeing on yourself because you're too afraid not to look like the biggest wuss on earth when you take care of business . So many times have i seen someone have an accident because they were too scared not to look stupid while doing something as simple as peeing outside so it would be hypocritical of me not help these guys as best possible (plus...i mean...how bad could these guys really be if they're getting beaten up in front of all these people?). So without looking back once i jumped down off my board and ran toward them hoping against hope that nobody would notice what was going on underneath my towel (that's how much i suck at lying btw...every time i try i end up saying something stupid like "i'm JUST going over there TOO take a piss!").

When one of them saw me approaching he actually tried to call me off but i couldn't stop myself now so went toward him anyways ignoring his pleas for mercy. The man who was closest to him noticed this however, turned around towards where i was running from and shouted something funny sounding in Arabic at his buddy next to him. They both looked at each other laughing then over at where i was running with arms flailing around trying desperately grab somebody's attention while half-naked with my ass wiggling around aimlessly behind me, as if they knew exactly what i was doing there in the first place (which...let's face it...they probably did.).