Commander of Chickenclad Armies

The commander rode into camp on his horse, tired from a long day of riding through the countryside. The sun was setting behind the mountains and the birds were settling down for the evening as he dismounted and walked over to his tent. He took off his armor, laying it on a nearby log, and flopped onto his bedroll.

“Sir!” called out a voice from outside the tent. His lieutenant walked into the tent, with a scroll in his hand. “We have received word of an enemy encampment near the village of Tilly-Lolly. They are reputed to be led by a young woman named Lolly-Pop who may be using magic to feed her troops. We must strike before they can attack us!”

The commander sat up, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “Lolly-Pop? That sounds like some kind of candy or something. Are you sure she isn't just delicious? You don't want to miss an opportunity to eat her!” The lieutenant looked at him, confused.

“No sir I do not believe she is edible in any way,” replied the lieutenant, raising an eyebrow. The commander stood up and stretched, then began to put on his armor while listening to his lieutenant's report. As he finished putting on his armor he turned back to look at his lieutenant.

“So what else did this letter say? Are there any other lovely women we should keep our eyes out for?” He winked at the lieutenant who again looked puzzled by this statement. “Any other women who might give us a little... relief?” The lieutenant shook his head slowly, still confused. “Relaxation? Good fun? Not all women are bad you know! Well... maybe some are... but others are quite pleasant indeed!”

“I do not understand your meaning sir but I do not think we will find any women in this village. It's full of chickens!” The commander stopped what he was doing and looked at his lieutenant with a confused expression. “Well... I mean it's part chickens and part people but most of them seem to be chickens that wear armor and carry swords so I think we should treat them as chickens rather than humans if that's alright with you sir!” Before the commander could respond they heard a sound outside their tent flap which sounded like clucking mixed with an angry cawing sound followed by what sounded like a chicken being hit with something sharp and loud squawks of pain mixed with human screams and finally two thuds as whatever had hit the chickens fell to the ground with them lying dead next to it. The soldiers standing guard outside were busy pulling out arrows and taking aim at where they had last seen whatever had attacked them so they hadn't seen anything except the end result. They continued shooting towards where they thought they saw something until their sergeant yelled at them to stop shooting because nothing was attacking them anymore. After yelling at them he went over to inspect what had attacked them finding two dead chickens lying by three arrows embedded in their bodies, obviously shot by one of their own archers trying to attack whatever had made those noises since no one else was around when it happened except for him and the commander who only heard it from inside of their tent but hadn't seen anything since he wasn't looking outside until after everything had died down again after all that noise.