Space-Western Quest at 2nd Century BCE

"Chris, I was thinking about it and I'm not sure I want to go to this bar."

"Nonsense, Fia. We've been planning this for weeks. You're going to have a good time and then you'll have a great time and then you'll have the best time of your life."

"I don't know Chris. This place sounds dangerous. I saw what those guys did to Krister when they took his boots."

"Yes well...that's just Krister's fault. He doesn't take care of his things like he should."

"And why aren't we wearing our boots?"

"Because we're too tired to put them on."

"But why weren't we wearing them before? Why weren't we wearing them at all?"

"Well that's just what we do here in space, Fia. We don't wear our boots until we're ready to hit the town."

The duo had been walking for nearly an hour now with no sign of a bar anywhere in sight. The sun had set long ago and their stomachs were starting to grumble. "Chris, are you sure you know where we're supposed to be going?"

"Of course I do, Fia. The guidebook said it was just down this road here so I figured it'd be easier if we just walked there instead of taking the shuttle or something like that." They continued walking down the dirt road with Chris leading the way as usual. Suddenly out of nowhere a low rumbling sound started reverberating through their legs. As they looked around they noticed small tremors running up and down the ground beneath their feet. "What the hell is that?" Chris asked while jumping up and down trying to keep his balance as the ground shook violently beneath him. "It's probably nothing," Fia responded while trying her best not to fall over while maintaining her balance on her two feet. "We're probably just--BAM!" She was cut off mid sentence as a large metal pike erupted through the ground between their feet and pushed them both back in opposite directions into nearby trees, pinning them against them with its sharp point through their chests, rib cages, and abdomens. After a moment another pike erupted from the ground further ahead of them pinning one of each of their arms against another tree on either side of the road. "Uhh Chris I think we need to get home now," Fia managed to squeak out while looking toward Chris whose eyes were wide open with terror as he stared towards her but whose mouth was held firmly shut by the pike protruding from his throat. Almost immediately after she finished saying those words two more pikes erupted from the ground pinning each leg against another tree on either side of the road effectively immobilizing them completely as a group of four men walked out from behind some bushes in front of them brandishing various weapons from swords and axes to crossbows and rifles before stopping in front of their immobile forms with smiles on their faces as they inspected their work, occasionally poking or prodding at one or both of them with whatever weapon they happened to be carrying at any given moment. As if all that wasn't bad enough one particularly large man walked over and stood directly in front of Chris' face with a big smile on his face before leaning forward and biting off his nose with his teeth leaving nothing but a gaping hole where it used to be as he spat it out onto the ground beside him before turning around and walking back to join his friends again who were still inspecting their work while laughing hysterically at Chris' misfortune while his blood dripped down onto him from above along with theirs from above Fia which was met with similar laughter by those observing it happening right before their eyes as several people walked away from their tree stumps toward their immobilized bodies finally revealing themselves as Krister, Inger, Niklas, Hans, Petteri, Neil, Michael, Svennis, Hannes, Stephanos, Rainer, Manuela, Vassilios, Henrique, Pedroso, Fernandoo, Marioo-ooohh s*t! Gotta go! Got shit to do! See ya later!