A Hopeless Love in Susie Yang's China

I am a bit of an emotional romantic. I know this because people often tell me so. Some of those people are my friends and some of those people are my family. Sometimes they even mention it in the same breath as my tendency to be a bit overly dramatic or altruistic.

This is not something that bothers me. I do not see myself as a melodramatic person and I don't think that my emotions are inherently out of place for someone my age. Yes, I may cry at movies or on birthdays or during really beautiful sunsets and no, I don't think that's particularly strange. What is so wrong with showing your true feelings? Why should I have to hide who I am just to fit in with everyone else?

And so when I met JJ, I didn't try to hide from him the fact that I was looking for something more than anything else in life. A soulmate. Someone to share the ups and downs with. Someone who would understand me and my passions and never make me feel like my feelings were out of place. Someone who would encourage me to chase my dreams instead of holding me back just because he had his own set of dreams.

We dated for two years before we broke up. The reason it didn't last longer was simple: our ambitions were just too different. He never wanted to leave his hometown while I dreamed of seeing the world. He couldn't see himself settling down into a long term relationship while all I could think about was marriage, babies, and home ownership.

He told me that he loved me but that he wasn't in love with me and that we needed to break up if we were going to be happy with our lives moving forward. I hurt for a long time after the breakup but eventually moved on. And then one day out of the blue he messaged me on WeChat saying that his life had changed and maybe we could get back together again because he'd finally realized what he wanted most in life was to share it with me.

I was excited at first but then started getting suspicious when things didn't seem right. How did he have time to change his entire life around overnight? And why did he suddenly start talking about all these crazy plans like wanting to move overseas and settling down later if now he wanted to travel all over the country? And what about all these new friends who kept popping up in his social media? And... oh God...

The worst thing about all this is how obvious it was once it hit me, like a brick wall running into head-on while walking through an open field wearing rose-colored glasses: JJ wasn't trying to get back together with ME; he was trying to get back together with MY personality! He had broken up with ME because of HIS personality! And now here he was trying to use MY personality like a dress-up doll! He wanted MY personality without ME - because after two years of dating, he just didn't want ME anymore!

Well, it wasn't going to work this time! Not this time! This time I was going to show HIM what MY personality really looked like! This time HE'D be chasing ME! So here I am, sitting across from him in this little noodle shop near People's Square waiting for him to show up for his lunch break from work (which is where he told me we'd be meeting) trying my hardest not let him know that *I* am actually sitting across from him under false pretenses - pretending like *I* am his new personal assistant named Xiao Ping when in reality *I* am actually Qiang Jiong, his EX-GIRLFRIEND - sitting here IN THIS DRESS AND MAKEUP and very bad wig watching him eat noodles across from ME!

I'm doing OK so far... All right, maybe there are a few tears rolling down my eyes but other than that, everything's fine! No one has noticed anything yet! But if JJ does notice anything weird happening with this "Xiao Ping" character then hopefully nothing will stand out because it's always been part of *MY* personality to be overly dramatic when upset - especially if you're someone who breaks hearts left and right like JJ did!

Oh God... here comes JJ now...