Discovering Love in Europe

When I was eight years old I started to get these feelings that made me feel really weird.

I felt sad and happy at the same time, I felt so confused and somehow scared too.

I didn't know what those feelings meant or why I would feel them.

I did not understand them, but they were so intense that they seemed to occupy all my thoughts.

They would even wake me up in the middle of the night and make me cry.

I got really scared.

So scared that one day I asked Luiza's mother if she could talk to me because I was feeling very worried about something.

She listened to me intently and then said: "Darling, what you're feeling is called 'love'.

You are experiencing a very strong feeling for someone."

"But who am I in love with?" I asked, confused.

"It's okay," she said smiling, "you don't have to be sure right now, but it's very normal to feel this way as a child."

Luiza was my best friend. We always played together and we liked all the same things: going out playing with friends, spending time with our families and eating chocolate-covered strawberries on Sundays after lunch.

When Luiza went away for the summer with her family, I missed her so much that it hurt my heart. I couldn't eat or sleep, and kept thinking about her all day long. It made me cry a lot because whenever I thought about her all I could see was her beautiful face and hear her laughing when we were having fun together; except there was no sound, only images in my head.

But being alone at home all by myself also gave me a lot of time to think and often those thoughts were about Luiza too; particularly how much I wanted to have a girlfriend just like her - someone who could understand me perfectly without using words, someone who would always be there for me when I needed her and someone who would never leave me alone even if she wanted to go play with other kids sometimes.

One night while lying awake in bed thinking about these things again - because they had been on my mind all day long - it suddenly dawned on me: maybe Luiza is the person I like? Maybe Luiza is the one I'm in love with? It sounded silly as soon as it entered my mind but it made so much sense! It made my heart beat faster thinking about it because if that was true then maybe she feels the same way about me too?

The next morning when Luiza returned from holiday we met at school as usual and from that moment on everything seemed different between us... She had known beforehand that we would be going back to school together so our first encounter after two weeks apart was inevitable; but instead of acting as though nothing had happened between us she hugged me tightly and kissed me on each cheek before saying: "Arla? Is that you? You look amazing!"

My whole body tingled as if a million butterflies were fluttering inside of me when she hugged me like that; so tight that it almost hurt. Her lips tasted sweet - like strawberries - and her hair smelled like vanilla flower blossoms just like always; but this time there seemed to be something more in that scent... something new, something exciting!

For days after our reunion at school our friendship regained its former intensity like nothing had ever happened between us; we spent every minute together, laughed a lot and enjoyed each other's company just as much as before: except now every time Luiza looked at me (which was often) or touched me (which was even more often) I felt these strange feelings inside of me which were very similar to what I used to feel before she went away for the summer holiday.

As weeks passed by however, those moments became less frequent until one day they completely disappeared... Instead of behaving like two lovers Luiza began treating me just like before: playing with other children at recess, going off alone with whoever she liked most during playtime etc... At first this made us argue more than usual but eventually it brought us closer together again because instead of getting angry every time she left for another group at recess or afterschool we would smile at each other knowingly instead as though sharing a secret joke; which made us laugh even more than before.

As time passed by however, those smiles became less frequent too until one day they disappeared altogether... When this happened something strange happened within myself too... Suddenly everything got darker around us both when we were together or apart; my heart seemed to ache more than usual whenever I saw her or when she wasn't there anymore; every breath-taking smile or laugh from hers seemed less colourful than before until eventually everything around her seemed greyer than usual too... As if somehow life itself had lost some of its magic and excitement.

After some time however things somehow returned back to normal between us again: laughter was back colour was back life was back although nothing had changed between us both besides her returning back from holiday again! This time however things had changed for real between us both... Although everything appeared exactly the same as before - including our jokes about people around us and our playful antics - there was now an invisible wall which separated us both from everyone else around ourselves... A wall which none of our friends could pass through no matter how hard they tried! This invisible wall made things confusing for all of them because although they could still see us both laughing playing joking etc... They could not hear what we were saying anymore nor understand why there were times when we stopped doing any of those things suddenly either!