Stellar Secrets: Love Under Renissance

feel a little sad when you're happy?

That's what this felt like to me.

I loved being with him like this, but I also wanted to pitch again.

Jesse was so strong and warm and his big hands were all over my back and hugging me, rubbing my shoulders and holding me against him. He smelled really good too, like pine trees and… Jesse. That's what he smelled like, just Jesse. And I wanted to keep breathing him in forever, but they put somebody else in to pitch instead of me and I had to let go of Jesse's soft arms around me and stand up with him and watch while they did stuff that didn't interest me very much at all anymore because I didn't have Jesse's arms around me anymore.

"What's wrong?" he asked later when we were walking home together after practice had ended for the day.

"Nothing," I said and kicked at a pebble on the sidewalk as we walked along side by side holding hands as we always did when we were alone like this together after practice or after school or anywhere where nobody could see us touching each other and think anything bad about us being friends or making fun of us for being gay or whatever other nasty things people might say if they knew what we were doing together with our hands because they don't understand love even though love is just love whether you're gay or straight or whatever else people say about it being wrong or right or different than being straight because it's not any of those things it's just love between two people who are meant for each other no matter what anybody says about it being wrong or right or whatever else they call it that isn't true because people are just mean sometimes when their hearts aren't full of love and kindness like ours are when we touch each other like this when nobody can see us except each other, which is the only person we want to be with anyway.

"I'm not sure if he understood everything I was saying but his expression seemed sympathetic, and I considered that maybe he did understand. Even though he loves me back just as much as I love him, he doesn't talk about feelings very much.

Our lives revolved around baseball. Jesse, having perservered through the expectations of an abusive father, and myself, forever working on my pitching skills, our shared love for the game strengthened our bond further. We played on opposite teams throughout our childhood, from Little League to NCAA: Varsity Division. Now, we have graduated college, and we're living together again in Fur.

Today will mark our first game together since returning, and I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions - happiness overshadowed by fear of what others might think if they knew how much we meant to each other. But in the end, all that truly mattered was our connection and the love we shared.

As we made our way to the baseball field, hand in hand, memories flooded my mind. The faint laughter, the playful banter, and the countless hours we spent practicing together were all etched into my heart. We had come so far since the days of Little League, where our love for the game first blossomed.

The field was bustling with excitement as fans settled in their seats. The atmosphere was electric, with anticipation hanging in the air. I could feel the weight of expectation on my shoulders, the pressure to perform well. And yet, in that moment, I realized that my greatest support was right beside me, holding my hand tight.

We stood together, our eyes surveying the familiar sight of the baseball diamond, its lush green outfield and perfectly manicured infield. The gentle breeze carried the scent of freshly cut grass, mingling with the rich aroma of hot dogs and popcorn from the concession stand. It was a lingering fragrance of nostalgia, reminding me of the simpler times when our love for the game consumed us completely.

As we walked closer to the dugout, the chatter of our teammates filled the air. They greeted us with smiles and friendly banter, unaware of the deep connection Jesse and I shared. It was our secret, our bond, tucked safely away from prying eyes. We had become masters at hiding our love, shielding it from a world that still struggled to accept what we knew to be true.

But today, as we stepped onto that field together, I couldn't help but feel a surge of courage within me. It was as if the personal victories we had overcome to be together had instilled in me a newfound sense of bravery. I wanted to break free from the shackles that society had placed upon us, to embrace our love openly, without fear or shame.

As the game commenced, I took my place on the pitcher's mound, my heart pounding in my chest. I focused my gaze on the catcher, trying to block out the distractions and the secret we held. Gripping the baseball in my hand, I took a deep breath, finding solace in the familiar texture against my skin.

With each pitch, I poured my soul onto the field, releasing years of bottled-up emotions. The ball flew through the air, cutting through the boundaries of what was expected of us. My teammates cheered as I delivered strike after strike, their words of encouragement blending into the rhythm of my heart.

And then, in a moment of pure serenity, I caught Jesse's gaze from the corner of my eye. He stood in the dugout, his eyes filled with pride and love. It was a silent affirmation that we were not alone in this journey. In that instant, all my fears melted away, leaving only the love that had brought us here, to this very moment.

The game came to an end, our team emerging victorious. We celebrated with our teammates, their jubilant cheers echoing through the stadium. But amidst the joy, I couldn't help but feel a surge of something deeper, a profound sense of gratitude for the person who had stood by me through it all.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm glow over the field, Jesse and I walked hand in hand, our steps echoing the rhythm of our hearts. The weight of secrecy no longer burdened us; instead, it felt like a shared secret, a symbol of the unbreakable bond we possessed.

"I'm proud of you," Jesse whispered, his voice as gentle as a summer breeze. "You pitched like a champion today."

I smiled, squeezing his hand tighter. "Thank you. But I couldn't have done it without you by my side."

Jesse pulled me into a tight embrace, resting his chin on the top of my head. In that moment, I realized that our love had always been the driving force behind our success — in baseball and in life.

As we walked off the field, our love, once hidden in the shadows, now shone brightly like a beacon. And with every step, we vowed to continue defying societal expectations, to live our lives authentically, and to fearlessly love one another, knowing that the power of our love could conquer any obstacle that dared to stand in our way.