Summer of Secrets and Lies

A tear rolled down her cheek.

Hermione looked into the mirror, at her dark brown eyes that held a hint of sadness, and at her pale skin dotted with freckles, the same skin that had started to look like a death mask since she had left for home. She sighed, running her fingers through her hair, before reaching for her brush.

She didn’t want to go to the ball. She wanted to stay in bed, under the covers and feel nothing except for the warmth of Draco’s arms around her waist as he slept next to her. She wanted to forget about raising her wand at Bellatrix Lestrange that night and how she would have pulled the trigger if it hadn’t been for Luna stopping her by throwing herself between Hermione and Bellatrix. How they had placed a charm on Bellatrix so that she couldn’t move or speak even though she was still alive and Hermione knew that there was a chance that they had killed Bellatrix just by doing so. She wanted to forget all of this because she knew that no matter what happened she would remember everything with perfect clarity and how she would never be able to get those memories out of her head ever again.

But most of all, she wanted to forget about Draco.

She didn’t want to think about how he had been taken away from her when they were finally together. How it felt like someone had stabbed her with their hands instead of with their wand when his father had told them that he needed to go back home because his family thought he was dead. How it felt like someone had ripped her heart out of her chest when he said good-bye to her without so much as an apology or a kiss. How it felt like someone had thrown acid onto all of the happy memories she shared with him when Draco’s house elf told them about his kidnapping right before the Battle of Hogwarts started and how Draco had told them that he loved Hermione and not some mudblood by calling himself Mudblood instead of Mudblood Granger.

She didn’t want to think about how they hadn’t seen each other since then, even though they lived only miles apart from each other at this point. She couldn’t bear seeing him again because every time she did, it hurt too much. It hurt seeing him being happy with Pansy Parkinson while she was practically dead inside because dying wouldn’t hurt quite as much as seeing him so happy with someone else while she cried herself to sleep every night in an empty bed surrounded by four walls full of memories of him where he called her his love and wrapped his arms around her waist or grabbed her hand or kissed her cheek or ran his fingers through her hair or whispered softly into her ear because no one else could hear what he was saying to just his Hermy-pie or his beautiful girl or his angel or whatever silly nickname he came up with for her that day and yet none of those silly nicknames compared to my love which sounded so much better than Pansy or pervio which sounded infinitely worse than Hermione Granger which was why it made hearing him call Pansy those nicknames hurt so much more than hearing him say Mudblood Granger over and over again and especially more than hearing him tell everyone else in Hogwarts who would listen how much he hated mudbloods after all despite how many times Hermione tried explaining that mudblood was just another word for Muggleborn witch which didn’t make any sense because why would anyone hate themselves but sometimes being a Muggleborn just meant being born into a family who were witches and wizards while living in a non-magical household which wasn’t anybody’s fault but rather something you got born into, especially if you were born into a magical family yourself which is why Hermione couldn’t blame Muggleborn witches and wizards for hating muggles because Merlin knows that Hermione wasn’t too fond of muggles either after watching Voldemort torture Harry all summer long only for Harry to survive almost miraculously in spite of having nothing but love and friendship surrounding him while all she had were empty words said by people who would rather let Voldemort win than admit their own mistakes but still blaming muggles didn’t make sense either because why would anyone hate themselves? But before Hermione could get back on track, Draco kept talking about blood purity and allowed Pansy to call Hermionie a mudblood but not once did he call Hermione his love which hurt more than anything else but not nearly as much as watching his back as he walked away from both Hermione and Pansy without looking back because no matter what, Hermione still loved Draco Malfoy even if he was an idiot who didn’t deserve someone like Hermione Granger after all even if doing so made people think less of Hermione herself which made thinking about Draco even more painful than thinking about everything else combined when Hermione wondered if it really was worth loving someone who didn’t love you back anymore but thinking about not loving Draco anymore made thinking about everything else even more painful than thinking about loving Draco which is why there were days when Hermione wondered if dying wouldn't hurt quite as much as living sometimes because no one deserved this kind of pain after all but then other days there were days when Hermione wondered if maybe she should grow up already even though there were moments where it seemed impossible after all especially when the Battle Of Hogwarts ended with innocent lives lost including Luna who saved both Hermione and Bellatrix's life the night before during their last encounter with Death Eaters during their mission only for Luna's sacrifice during the Battle Of Hogwarts not only save them but also save many lives including Harry Potter's own along with Neville Longbottom's whose parents had died fighting Voldemort years earlier against no one's surprise but at least Neville Longbottom's sacrifice meant helping Harry Potter win the battle once again although everybody still expected Michael Corner's mother Antonia's death during the Battle Of Hogwarts meant Michael Corner would never recover from losing both his parents during battle especially considering how hard Michael Corner had worked on defending Hogwarts from Voldemort's forces alongside Neville Longbottom during the Battle Of Hogwarts making Michael Corner an unlikely hero himself whereas Marcus Flint didn't do anything special during either battle besides acting like an ass towards both Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom whom Flint blamed for Cedric Diggory's death therefore dying during the Battle Of Hogwarts alongside Theodore Nott meaning Theodore Nott took Flint's place in Slytherin House making Severus Snape look like some sort of hero while also making Barty Crouch Jr look like an even bigger hero alongside Sirius Black whose death during the Battle Of Hogwarts meant Sirius Black's sacrifice would never truly be appreciated considering how many people hated Sirius Black anyway including Ron Weasley therefore making Ron Weasley look like a hero just because everybody hated Sirius Black however nobody expected Sirius Black dying during battle meant Remus Lupin might die too therefore making Remus Lupin look like some sort of hero despite everyone knowing exactly what kind of person Remus Lupin really was which made mistaking Peter Pettigrew for Remus Lupin seem logical especially since everyone thought Peter Pettigrew died years earlier only for Peter Pettigrew turning out alive changing everything including making everyone think less of Sirius Black afterwards since everyone liked Peter Pettigrew better whether they realized it or not whereas Harry Potter won everyone over by defeating Voldemort himself causing Ginny Weasley showing everyone just how selfless Ginny Weasley was by giving up on Harry Potter thereby winning everyone over despite Ginny Weasley having been jealous over Harry Potter betraying Ginny Weasley years earlier therefore proving Ron Weasley wasn't wrong after all therefore winning everyone over including Luna Lovegood whom Ron Weasley surprisingly respected ever since they became friends in first year while Ron Weasley mocked Luna Lovegood relentlessly before becoming friends due to Luna Lovegood being friends with Ginny Weasley despite Ron Weasley liking Ginny Weasley therefore making Ron Weasley question why he ever liked Ginny Weasley in first place leading him onwards towards falling in love with Lavender Brown whom helped convince Ron Weasley fall back in love with Hermione Granger thereby saving them both from eternal misery caused by one another while also saving both Harry Potter from falling deeper into depression caused by losing two best friends along with surviving the Battle Of Hogwarts therefore proving Professor McGonagall right all along then again Professor McGonagall wasn't exactly surprised considering how intelligent Professor McGonagall always considered Miss Granger anyway since Miss Granger graduated early alongside Mr. Malfoy from Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry joined Dumbledore's Army along with Mr. Malfoy acting as Miss Granger's second-in-command which eventually lead up towards Miss Granger falling in love with Mr. Malfoy despite knowing Mr. Malfoy cheated on Pansy Parkinson then again Miss Granger still loved Mr. Malfoy regardless otherwise Miss Granger wouldn't keep asking herself questions wondering whether Mr. Malfoy cheating on Pansy Parkinson changed anything between them after all wondering whether Mr. Malfoy cheating on Pansy Parkinson meant Mr. Malfoy actually loved Miss Granger otherwise wondering whether Miss Granger cheating on Mr. Malfoy once meant Miss Granger could cheat on Mr. Malfoy multiple times until realizing what a stupid question that was considering cheating once meant you cheated; it didn't matter if you cheated once or 10 times; you cheated regardless therefore meaning cheating once shouldn't change anything between them so long as neither one cheats again whereas Miss Granger still loved Mr. Malfoy regardless otherwise missing him everyday especially since neither one saw each other since graduation day nevertheless missing each other everyday although neither one admitted it openly somewhere deep down Miss Granger knew missing Mr. Malfoy everyday meant missing more than just Mr. Malfoy himself meaning