Journey Towards Freedom: Emira's Story

I look out of the window. My reflection stares back at me, drained of its colour, looking as empty as I feel. The leaves on the trees have already begun to turn red and yellow, but I can't remember what it feels like to be happy. They are just colours that don't mean anything to me anymore.

Outside I see the people walking past my house. A woman pushing a pram, two kids running after each other while their parents try to keep up, an elderly couple strolling hand in hand. It looks like a normal neighbourhood if you don't look too closely.

I used to dream about getting married one day and having children, my own little family.

What happened?

There is no place for dreams in this life anymore. They are all gone - I killed them myself with my drug addiction. All that remains is a dirty mirror and a house full of memories that hurt so much that I can barely stand it. Sometimes I think that that's what keeps me going, those memories. If I stopped remembering them then maybe I would stop feeling regret and pain over what's left behind. Maybe then I would just fall asleep forever and not wake up again. But where would be the fun in that?

All this time spent thinking about the past has made me forget about the present for a moment and someone is knocking at my door - which means trouble for me! Even though I have been clean and sober for months now there still is quite a lot of drugs in my house and the dealers trying to sell them know they can get money from me if they threaten to tell social services if I refuse to buy their shit.

I prefer not to answer their calls when they call so they usually show up unannounced instead - but that's exactly what happens today as well: no phone calls first, just knocks on the door followed by threats through the door as soon as it opens.

Too bad there is no-one in here who would answer it except me... Well actually there is someone. As soon as one of them leans his head against the window pane to look inside he will see her lying on the sofa and he'll probably be frightened by her dead eyes staring back at him from under dark eyeliner black like night sky with only a few stars shining through. Oops...

I knew one day she'd end up like this! How could she not seeing everything going on around her?! There was nothing we could do to protect her! Not even me...

It hurts so much seeing her like this, it makes me want to break down sobbing! She was always such a lively little girl, always smiling - how did she end up this way?! What did we do wrong?! It was just such a long time ago...

We had finally made it - we had escaped from our home country where nothing ever seemed to work out despite us trying everything we could think of! We were finally leaving for Europe where everyone told us it was possible for people like us - poor immigrants seeking asylum - to make something out of ourselves! With good luck we might even be able to stay there permanently one day! So much hope we carried with us!

As soon as we arrived at our destination city however things went downhill fast: Our visas didn't allow us to have jobs or own property meaning we had no way of earning money legally while also being unsafe because our documents were questionable at best since they were forged and bought illegally in our home country by some guy who called himself a "consul" but was probably just another crook making a quick buck off desperate people like my family and myself! Everyone said we should flee immediately before immigration found out because they'd deport us if they caught us then they'd send us back where we came from where people were dying every day because of greediness of foreign powers controlling our country!

Some people offered help but most didn't seem very interested in helping poor refugees; most seemed more interested in exploiting us instead because there were plenty willing to pay money for sex or drugs which meant many people made good money off our desperation! Some even threatened violence against my mother when she refused them sex after some wanted her money instead because otherwise she wouldn't get any drugs so she wouldn't have enough money left over for food either!

My father got into heavy fights with these men trying to protect her, but he ended up losing his job thanks to injuries sustained from one fight too many and then he got sick after getting into another fight protecting another immigrant woman from rape explaining that if men couldn't get sex from women then maybe they'd leave everyone else alone instead! But nobody cared about his explanations - our landlord kicked us out without paying rent telling us he couldn't afford paying rent when his customers weren't buying as much anymore because many immigrants were leaving now that winter was approaching: The cold weather was too much for them even though they paid less than everybody else so he needed more customers paying more both cooking drugs and selling them which wasn't possible with all these immigrants running away before winter hit too hard! We had nowhere else left to go but into shelters run by churches offering help, food, water and safety using donations from charities collecting funds mostly from rich European countries whose citizens didn't want poor immigrants there stealing their jobs so their governments sent money back home helping their unfortunate brothers abroad instead so long as those same poor immigrants stayed far away from where those rich Europeans lived so that's why those foreigners thought we should stay away too sending money instead until someone figured out how to solve our situation once and for all...

The memory fades away slowly as day turns into night even though somehow it seems like yesterday... Everything felt hopeless back then yet somehow we managed living through whatever life threw at us every time seeming miraculously free from danger dodging bullets flying left, right and center during riots sparked by racial hatred between natives hating immigrants *and* immigrants fighting each other because some believed they deserved better lives than others more than others while others believed they deserved worse lives than others more than others... Who knows? Life sure was strange back then...

Until today anyway when everything suddenly changes again: The doorbell rings making me jump up startled because usually nobody rings the doors anymore unless they want something from me or my family although usually they don't ring doors anymore either since nobody answers anymore either... Well almost nobody...

"Emira?" An old voice asks outside causing me jump up startled again since nobody has called me by name in ages except people who want something from me or my family although usually neither do those people anymore either since nobody answers anymore either... Well almost nobody... "You're still alive? Just barely though..." Those are probably words of concern although mostly those are probably words spoken in mockery knowing why Emira turned into Emira after all especially considering how *many* times *many* people tried preventing her from turning into Emira most failing miserably however others succeeded nearly every time save for one or two occasions when she miraculously survived near death anyway turning into Emira anyway which just proved how strong survival instincts can be sometimes causing immense pain suffering grief anger frustration sadness depression loneliness fear emptiness confusion despair self-hatred shame isolation guilt disgust regret anger devastation numbness apathy emptiness hope despair hopelessness hope loss love hate lust need desire want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need want need wannt wannn wannt wannt wannt wannn wannt wannt wannn wannn wannn wannn wannn wannt wannt WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111ONELEVENONEONELEVENONEONELEVENFOUREVENFOTWOONETWOFOURTHREEFOURFIVEFIVESTHREESIXSEVSIXSEVESEVENEIGHTEIGHTEIGHTNINENINETENNINETENNINETWELVETHIRTEENTHIRTEENFOURTEENFIFTEENSIXTEENTWENTYTWENTYTWENTYTWOEEEEEEEEEEEEEERTWOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSSTSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....!"

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