Alexander and the Ghostly Portrait

I can't believe they think I'm him. It's ridiculous! He was obviously old and bald. He had a long beard. And that hairline! No one has a receding hairline like that anymore. How do they not see this?

It's been two weeks and they still haven't acknowledged it. They keep calling me "Marcus." I don't know if they're trying to be funny or if they think I'm stupid, but it's getting on my nerves.

I guess I should be flattered that he looks so much like me. But I'm not sure how flattering it is to look like someone who died hundreds of years ago. It's not as though he was a movie star or something back then.

I try to pretend I don't notice them talking about me, but sometimes it's hard not to listen in on the conversations that are happening all around me in German, French, Italian, and even some English.

"Well he certainly looks like Marcus," one woman says.

"The resemblance is uncanny," another agrees. "Think the family's just trying to make money?"

"Maybe," the first replies. "But who wouldn't want such a beautiful painting of their ancestor? And according to the article in the paper, he actually speaks five languages fluently." The second woman laughs, clearly impressed by this factoid. "And the boy is only eighteen years old." She adds the last part under her breath and both women laugh heartily at what must be another private joke between them.

We're leaving tomorrow morning for Italy and then Greece. The whole family is going hunting for my original tomb with a psychic medium they've hired named Sophia or Sofia or something like that... or so they say anyway. They've been talking about it all week! I wish they would shut up about it already!

I hate them all so much! Why won't they leave me alone?! Can't they see that I'm right here? They're so rude! What kind of people talk over someone who's sitting right next to them? Not you, because you're not really here are you? Of course you're not! You're just a figment of my imagination created in order for me to deal with my own mental illness after being exposed to too much sun during my trip to Italy... aren't you? Yes you are! So why doesn't anyone else notice you? Why don't these people notice how tan I am from Italy when it's snowing outside at home? Because no one else is convinced I traveled there either... because apparently their eyesight sucks and their brains are small and stupid just like their ancestors' were when it came time for them to be buried in the ground for all eternity... because otherwise why else would they act this way? Why else would they think you were Marcus when you couldn't possibly be him without being dead which means you would have to be an actual ghost which means you'd have to be haunting them instead of vice versa which means none of this makes sense because ghosts don't exist and yet here we are so clearly we do or we wouldn't be here together right now wouldn't we? *sigh* It's going to take hours before Mom finally notices us leaving tomorrow morning and wakes up everyone early enough so we can get on the road before noon so let's go finish packing before she drifts off back into sleep again where she'll sleep until 11 o'clock Saturday morning when we arrive in Rome--and yes maybe it makes more sense for me to pack up her things since she's incapable of doing it on her own but that doesn't mean she shouldn't wake up early enough for us all to leave on time does it? Because otherwise we might miss out on seeing everything we want while we're in Rome because Mom might decide she wants us all to stay home and explore the city instead which would be wonderful except then Dad might start thinking of ways we could all get lost together, which would also be wonderful except then all our phones would die because Mom forgot her charger at home which would be terrible since Dad always forgets his phone charger too--and then what will happen if Mom needs help finding her way back home again once she gets lost because Dad left his phone charger at home too? No one will be able to reach us! No one will know where we are! We could get kidnapped by terrorists! Or ISIS could sneak into our hotel room and chop off our heads while we sleep! This is awful!! What if Sophia decides not to come along with us after all!? What if she changes her mind halfway through travel!? What if she thinks we're terrible people for taking off for Rome without even bothering to ask first!? She might turn into a witch and curse us with green vomit instead of blessing us with rainbows! That might sound silly but as I've said before--ghosts don't exist and neither do curses because those are things that happened centuries ago while saints like Marcus lived long enough ago that praying to him will only bring good fortune into your life like winning lotteries or finding treasures in your backyard or getting married to a prince or princess or someone wealthy who will shower you with gifts--which is exactly what happened back in ancient times when people prayed to St. Marcus instead of investing their money wisely or learning how money works... but just wait until Sophia sees how poorly behaved everyone is towards each other on this trip! She won't stand for it once she realizes how horrible everyone is towards each other--she'll probably send every single person packing back home forever--especially once she finds out about how horrible our parents were towards each other when Dad took off for America twenty years ago--how could anyone expect Sophia not to find out about that soon enough especially considering how bad Mom was treated after Dad left... but now Dad thinks Mom never loved him--that Mom was cheating on him behind his back with Marcus because she was too busy mourning the death of her brother instead--well guess what Father Superstitious: SHE WASN'T CHEATING ON YOU AND SHE DIDN'T LOVE MARCUS ANYMORE THAN SHE LOVED YOU!!! Are you listening now father?? Does your heart have ears??? Then why can't you understand????

Mother always told Marcus he had such lovely eyes. She used to stare at him lovingly whenever he was near her. Before he died, she said goodbye loving him more than any woman ever loved man because he was such a beautiful soul inside despite his hideous face outside... well what does any of this matter now? Now he's gone away from us forever... now he no longer has eyes filled with love.. now he no longer sees anything at all... now his face is covered in dirt.... probably worms crawling into his nostrils and mouths.... maybe even snakes slithering down his throat..... hopefully he can remember how much Mother loved him anyway.... hopefully even though he can no longer see anything at all.... hopefully even though his body has turned cold.... hopefully even though Mother's ghost hasn't visited him since his burial.... hopefully even though Mother never visits anyone anymore.... well hopefully Marcus remembers why Mother loved him so much anyway despite everything that happened.... hopefully somehow despite everything.... hopefully somehow still....

But no matter what happens.... nothing will change...... Mother loves Marcus still..... Marcus loves Mother still.....