'Unstoppable John Lyon: A Hickley Tale of Redemption'

The first time I died was the day I found out about my powers.

I had just got off work when I noticed that a car was parked on the sidewalk. It must have been one of those parallel parking maneuvers gone wrong, because there was hardly an inch between the front bumper and the telephone pole. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to go around it. The driver must have panicked in his haste to park because he left the window down and his keys in the ignition. That's when I heard it: a loud crash of thunder and rain pelting against the roof of my apartment.

"Aw crap," I said aloud as I took off for my car. My umbrella was at home, as always. Oh well, at least it's not raining too hard yet. When I reached my car and opened the door, I saw a flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder so loud that it made even my bones vibrate-- the same rumble you feel more than hear in your body when you're standing next to a train that's pulling into a station while you're waiting for the subway platform doors to open.

That's when it happened: right before my eyes, everything slowed down and went black. The last thing I saw before this moment was my car suddenly disappearing from within my line of sight--as if someone pulled it out of existence--and then nothing but darkness all around me.

I don't remember what happened next--it wasn't until later that night that I realized what had transpired--but apparently while I was unconscious in my own front lawn where a small crater used to be, something had fallen from the sky and landed on me roughly five seconds before my car disappeared from existence. As for how long I was out for...well, let's just say until researchers figure out how to measure time using a clock that doesn't rely on gravitational shifts or light speed, we won't know exactly how long it was. But one thing is certain: it was long enough for someone to take notice and get me to a hospital in time for me to eventually wake up in critical condition with no recollection of what happened nor any knowledge of how I acquired this strange new ability.

That's when they told me about my powers--that some freak accident had caused them to activate during all that thunder and lightning--and though they were more than happy to admit their own medical incompetency in understanding why this happened, they were able to tell me one thing: never use them again. As far as they knew, this kind of destruction could have very well been catastrophic on any number of levels if they hadn't saved me in time, but thankfully...for now at least...I'm alive and kicking with superpowers beyond their wildest imagination (not like they'd ever believe it anyway).

And after two weeks spending most of my days watching TV shows about superheroes or villains fighting their way through obstacle courses or blowing each other up with laser guns or whatever else people do with their powers nowadays (hey, those people sure know how to make money)--something occurred to me: nobody needs superpowers anymore. We live in an age where technology has become so advanced that anything worth doing can be done with just a few clicks on your smartphone (heck, sometimes even Siri can get the job done faster than doing it yourself), so why would you need superstrength or superspeed or invisibility or the ability to shoot lasers from your eyes? If you wanted something done quickly without effort...well, there are drones for that now! And if you want something done without traveling or lifting heavy objects or falling off buildings or dying...well, there are robots for that now! So really, who needs superpowers anymore?

That's when I decided that if nobody needs superpowers anymore...why not use mine for evil? After all, villains get all the best lines anyway: "With great power comes great responsibility"...or "With great power comes mediocre dialogue"? Honestly, do you really think Spiderman is gonna pull off something sinister anytime soon? Or Superman? Or Green Lantern? Heck no; they'll keep saving lives and talking like they're reading lines straight from one of those 1-800 numbers at 3am (most likely because they are). But look at Lex Luthor; he might be going crazy but he knows how to throw shade better than anyone else! He uses his brains more than his fists! And who doesn't love seeing that bad guy win every once in a while?

So yeah...if you ask me...villains are way more fun than superheroes these days. Especially since us villains tend to stick together more often than not (there are exceptions though; Dr. Doom isn't really too keen on hanging out with Thanos or Galactus). True heroes tend to be loners who usually spend most of their time trying not to kill everyone around them (and hey...let's face it: sometimes