Intergalactic Streets of Harley Quinn

*Caretaker*

The crowd around us was a mix of Lowgens and New Men, all squeezed together in a vast hangar. I could already feel the sweat beading up on my skin. This was going to get hot.

I couldn't see the two who had started it, but they were clear enough. One was a pudgy guy in a suit that looked like he'd been rolled in a mudpuddle. The other was someone from the Vathe family, really tall and gaunt, with big ears and no hair. I don't know what he was doing here; you don't usually see them outside their own territory.

The Lowgen spat on the floor, as if clearing his throat for an important announcement. "You are not welcome here," he said. "This is our territory. You should go."

"We're from the Vathe," said the tall one. His voice was reedy and high-pitched, like someone had taken his lungs and tied them in knots so he couldn't breathe good any more. "We're not afraid of your little gang." The crowd murmured at this; there were some grins as well, but most people just seemed nervous or afraid. I guess they knew how these things went down.

"Oh yeah?" The Lowgen smiled wide enough to show off his whole mouthful of teeth, which were brownish grey and crooked as fenceposts after a tornado runs through your yard. "Well then why don't we just see how tough you are?" He reached into his jacket and pulled out a gun that looked like something out of a movie: all long barrel and shiny black grip and cylinder thingy underneath where I guessed the bullets would shoot out from. He pointed it right at the tall guy's face, who did nothing but stare back for about three seconds before reaching beneath his shirt to pull out another gun just like it and pointing it at the Lowgen's head, except it was black instead of shiny black, so that it blended in with his skin.

They stared each other down like that for what felt like forever - people all around us were frozen in place by fear or shock or whatever else - before finally both men slowly lowered their guns away from each other's faces, still staring hard while they did so. I swear this happened in slow motion because I could hear every tiny sound from each of them: the creak of leather straps as their fingers loosened around the grips, the soft shlick of metal sliding along metal as the barrels moved away from one another's faces (I'd never realised how much sound guns make). Then came that awful moment when one man would fire his gun when he thought he had time to aim better and take out his enemy before being shot himself; that moment stretched longer than any person should have to stay alive during a shootout, until finally both men let themselves collapse against their own shoulders with sighs of relief, holstering their guns at the same time while keeping those hard stares locked together like they wanted to see if they could catch each other reaching for their gun again while they weren't looking. Once they'd finished putting their weapons away and were sure everyone else wasn't gonna start shooting right away (which there wouldn't be because everyone was frozen in place), they both grinned like idiots again at each other before turning around sharply to glare at everyone behind them who hadn't even twitched while all this went down.

"Don't try anything funny now," said Tall Man loudly to everyone behind him. "We just wanna talk to these guys." He gestured towards us with his head without taking his eyes off anyone else who might have tried anything funny now that he'd made it clear that he didn't care if anyone got killed or not during this exchange of chatter between important folk like himself and others who were clearly either too stupid or too scared to be trying anything funny themselves - which meant that only I was left watching him do all this talking without moving my head or using words myself or actually responding at all since everything seemed pretty straightforward anyway even if I didn't understand exactly why these two had come here now to begin with or what they thought we were gonna do about it...and why were we even here? To fight? To leave? To talk? Should we draw our own guns? What would happen if we did? And...when would this whole thing be over already?

*Gravity*

The barkeep glared at me from behind the counter with eyes big enough to swallow me whole if she wanted to - which she probably did since she ran this place for herself anyway and didn't need me getting into her business - but I ignored her entirely now that my first drink had arrived: some weird blue drink with foam on top that looked more like cleaning fluid than something meant for humans to drink anyway. It tasted better than it looked though: fruity and tangy somehow even though there wasn't any fruit inside it that I could tell except maybe lemons but who knows what kind of fruit they used here on Tarrena because their planet hardly ever gets any sunlight so maybe oranges grow bigger over here? Or maybe they use lemons because they taste bitter like lemons do back home on Earth so...yeah okay whatever I'm digressing again because once again I've gotten distracted thinking about stuff instead of drinking my damn drink already! So anyway this blue drink tastes fine even though it looks disgusting (so does everything else in here so what does it matter?) except maybe for the bubbles which tickle my nose when they pop but whatever I'm getting used to them by now since apparently bubbles tickle noses everywhere you go in space so maybe that's normal for everywhere but Earth where you barely ever get bubbles unless you pour yourself some soda water or something which is basically the same thing except without any bubbles so...yeah okay nevermind I'm digressing again!

But anyway this blue drink tastes fine but apparently it doesn't agree with me because soon afterwards my stomach starts bubbling up inside me as if something was trying to escape through my bellybutton along with all its guts and intestines but also like someone was injecting poison directly into my bloodstream instead of into my veins so suddenly everything starts spinning around me very fast until suddenly everything stops spinning entirely leaving me slumped over sideways on my stool until finally everything starts spinning again only...it doesn't spin anymore it just keeps going faster then faster then faster until eventually everything goes black because apparently now I've passed out cold on my stool even though everything feels kinda floaty instead of sickly or dizzy anymore so maybe passing out wasn't such a bad idea after all! But whatever maybe this blue drink isn't agreeing with me today after all since last time hadn't given me any problems whatsoever! Maybe next time will be different! Maybe next time will be better! Maybe next time will be funner! Maybe next time will have less bubbles! Maybe next time will have pink paper umbrellas sticking outta the top instead of green ones! Maybe next time...well whatever whatever whatever maybe next time will be awesome anyways!! So cheers!! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers!! Cheers!!! CHEERS!!! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!!! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEERS!!! CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *END*