400 Miles To The Unknown

"I'm not sure what you want me to do about it."

"We want you to fix it!"

"It's a machine. It doesn't need fixing. It needs more parts."

"You're the inventor. You designed this thing. Fix it." The two men in suits stepped closer, their eyes never leaving mine. I had no idea they were going to be this pushy. This was supposed to be a simple meeting. They wanted me to build them some kind of robot or something, and when I told them it would cost them a lot of money, they said that wasn't an issue. They said all I needed was the design schematics and my own time and materials, and that I would be well paid for my work. But now they're acting like I'm supposed to fix the damn thing whenever it breaks down? And how am I supposed to fix it if I don't know what's wrong with it? And why in God's name would anybody pay me money for that?!

"I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong with it! That's what diagnostics are for!"

"There is nothing wrong with it! It has been fully tested, and there is no problem!"

"Then why did you send me the diagnostics results?" To hell with diplomacy, let's play hardball here. "If there's nothing wrong with it, then what are you wasting my time for?"

The two men shared a look, then one of them put his hand on my shoulder and guided me over to the wall on the other side of the conference room, where a large photo hung showing off... whatever the hell that thing was. It looked like a dinosaur, but only if dinosaurs had legs jutting out from their necks rather than bodies and neck spikes instead of tails. All in all, it looked more like the weaponized lovechild between a warthog and a pterodactyl than anything else. "Do you see this?" One of the men pointed at one of the dinosaur-things shown in the photograph. "This is our product." He tapped his finger against one of its eyes - red like blood and glowing bright - before moving his hand to another part of its body. "And here..." He tapped his finger against another eye - green this time - which also glowed brightly at him, "...are its sensors." Finally he moved his hand over towards one last eye - blue this time - which did not glow at all when he tapped against it. Instead, he continued moving his hand up until he was tapping against a metallic helmet-like device held on by straps around whatever passed for this thing's neck and shoulders. "And here we have our product's operating systems." He tapped against one of these metallic devices before looking back up at me once again. "Everything that makes this creature operate can be found within those three components." His partner nodded along as he spoke, giving his own bits of exposition as well: "From their eyes we gather information about our customers' emotions; from their sensors we gather information about their surroundings; from our product's operating systems we gather information about everything else they might be doing while they visit us." That last sentence gave him pause before he continued: "And, though we most certainly do not condone such behavior, some unscrupulous individuals have been using our product for illicit activities..." He trailed off before shaking his head briefly before continuing: "But we digress! Our point is that your invention makes use of all three of these components!" He gestured towards himself and then towards his partner as he finished speaking: "We are those parts! This is our company! And if you do not resolve this issue then we cannot sell our products anymore! Do you understand?!"

They were serious about this damn thing being so important that people wouldn't buy from them if it was broken? Well screw them: If they think I'm going to start working on their damn toy just because nobody wants to buy from them now, then they've got another thing coming! Besides: They haven't even paid me yet! If they expect me to help sell their stupid toy so much that people won't buy from them otherwise, then shouldn't they at least pay me first?! Then again... I guess that might make things worse considering how pushy these guys are being about paying me at all... No matter: Either way things aren't looking good right now... All right fine: Maybe I can try fixing this thing... Not really my area of expertise or anything, but hey maybe they'll drop some big wadges of cash on my lap afterward... Make sure you don't tell Sarah about any of this though: She still thinks she can get away with hiring her rich boyfriend instead of getting married to you like she should have done... Maybe this will convince her otherwise.