Whispering Skies

Niwa Ishikawa stared at the blinking light on her home phone.

It had been four days since she'd seen her grandmother, and her heart was heavy as a result. It had been three days since she'd heard from her in any way, shape, or form. She felt a sharp pang in her chest at the thought of it. Grandma's 81 years old. What if she suddenly fell ill? What if she fell down and broke a hip? What if she fell down and broke something worse than that? "I could call," Niwa thought to herself. "Just to check up on her, take my mind off things for even just a second." She drew her phone out of her pocket and prepared to dial the number. The screen was still turned off, but instead of tapping the button and turning it on, Niwa just stared at the device, face blank except for a furrowed brow. Then she sighed and put the phone back in her pocket. "No," she muttered to herself. "She's fine," she reassured herself. "She's fine." But wasn't it better to be safe than sorry? Weren't most accidents preventable? And besides, hadn't Niwa been there when her grandmother almost fell into the bathtub two years ago? Didn't that mean that Niwa could have prevented that accident if only she'd been more observant?! But what if it happened again today? Wasn't it best to be safe than sorry? Wouldn't Niwa feel terrible if something happened to her grandmother now because she didn't want to bother her by calling? If I called her now, I could get an update on how she's doing, assess whether or not there's anything for me to worry about! But...no...she'll be fine...surely...But wouldn't you feel bad if you didn't check on your grandma when you thought you should have...? But...it'll make me feel worse...and besides...what if I'm overreacting? Maybe I'm just worried over nothing because I haven't seen my grandma in awhile and I miss her...but then again...what if something DOES happen? Wouldn't you regret not checking up on your grandma then? No...I'm sure everything is fine...this isn't like last time...this isn't like last time where there was no reason for me to worry other than my own paranoia....but..what if this is different...?

"Oh just stop!" Niwa exclaimed out loud, startling herself with the sound of her voice. "This isn't like last time!" She shook her head vigorously from side to side until it stung but the thoughts persisted anyway.

"But it might be..."

Niwa was 5 when her father died. It had been sudden; a heart attack while he played tennis out in Los Angeles with some friends. Her mother was overseas at the time, so Niwa had been staying with her grandmother then--her father's mother--and they were both shocked by the news when they finally received it. Her father had always seemed healthy though: he exercised daily and ate good food so how could this have happened?! He always looked so vibrant! How could this happen?!

"Maybe you're right," Niwa's mother said to Grandma one night during dinner after they returned home from visiting his grave site in LA over the weekend, "maybe we should've moved out here sooner."

"Hm?"

"LA," Mom clarified, "I think LA would be nice for us now." She smiled wanly at Grandma before returning to chewing on a piece of chicken without another word about it. Grandma sighed softly before taking another bite of rice from her own plate instead of answering aloud--the conversation had been unusual enough that it hadn't really warranted one--but inside of herself she agreed with Mom wholeheartedly: living in Japan seemed like such a waste now that their lives had been permanently altered by their loss. Something needed to change or else they'd all go mad from grief--Grandma wasn't sure which would be better: death or madness--and as much as they both loved Japan dearly (especially Grandma), maybe it would be best for them all if they moved away? A new beginning might do them some good after all, right? Still, more often than not whenever either of them mentioned moving back west during dinner or otherwise, Grandma would immediately try to dissuade them from doing so: wasn't it too soon after their loss? Hadn't they only just arrived in Japan two months ago already?? Would moving back west even make sense given how much work Dad had left unfinished here?? And how could they possibly uproot Niwa from all of her friends when only a few months ago she started going to kindergarten?? Leave all of her friends behind?? Move across the ocean again?? Wait until Niwa started school properly again before moving back west?? Leave all those behind too??

The conflict between Niwa's mother and grandmother continued to simmer beneath the surface, unspoken but ever-present. Niwa could sense the tension, even at her young age. She knew that her mother longed for a fresh start in Los Angeles, hoping that the familiar surroundings would bring some solace amidst the grief. On the other hand, her grandmother felt torn between the desire to support her daughter in her time of need and the attachment she had cultivated for her homeland.

Days turned into weeks, and the weight of grief seemed to grow heavier with each passing moment. Niwa watched as her mother withdrew further into herself, barely acknowledging the world around her. She spoke less and less, her smile becoming a rare sight. Niwa yearned for her mother's warmth, her embrace, but it seemed as though she had become a mere ghost in their lives.

One evening, as the setting sun cast a golden glow over their modest home, Niwa mustered the courage to speak up. "Mom," she started tentatively, "I miss Daddy too, but...maybe Grandma is right. Maybe moving back to Los Angeles will help us find peace."

Her mother's eyes, filled with a mixture of surprise and hesitation, met Niwa's gaze. For a moment, time seemed to stand still as the words hung in the air. Niwa held her breath, uncertain of what her mother's response would be.

"Niwa," her mother's voice quivered, filled with emotions she had bottled up for far too long. "I...I want us to be happy again too. Maybe moving back isn't such a bad idea."

Niwa's heart soared at her mother's admission. The burden of grief that had weighed them down suddenly felt a little lighter. It was as though a flicker of hope had been reignited within their souls.

And so, with their decision made, the wheels of change were set into motion. They started tying up loose ends, selling their possessions, and bidding farewell to their loved ones. Deep inside, Niwa couldn't help but feel a bittersweet mix of excitement and apprehension. Her life in Japan had been the only life she had ever known, and the prospect of starting over in a foreign land both thrilled and frightened her.

The day of their departure finally arrived, and the airport was a flurry of emotions. Tears flowed freely as heartfelt goodbyes were exchanged, and promises to keep in touch were made. However, amidst the sea of farewells, there was a noticeable absence: Niwa's grandmother.

Niwa felt a pang of sadness and wondered if their decision had hurt her grandmother in some way. She desperately wanted her to be a part of their fresh start, but deep down, she knew that her grandmother's heart was deeply intertwined with Japan. So, with a heavy heart, Niwa bid her goodbye in silence, hoping that someday their paths would cross again.

As they settled into their new life in Los Angeles, Niwa's mother gradually began to find solace in the familiar surroundings. The vibrant energy of the city seemed to breathe new life into her weary soul, offering a glimmer of the happiness they had desperately sought.

Niwa adjusted to her new school, making new friends and exploring the vast playgrounds of her imagination. The constant longing for her grandmother remained, though, and she often found herself reminiscing about the days spent in her loving presence. Occasionally, she would pick up the phone and dial her grandmother's number, only to hang up before the connection was made, a mixture of guilt and fear holding her back.

Months turned into years, and as time marched forward, the memories of Japan began to fade. Their lives in Los Angeles blossomed with new experiences, new routines, and new faces. Yet, the absence of her grandmother remained a void that could not be filled.

One evening, as Niwa sat on her bedroom floor, a photo album spread open before her, she came across a yellowed photograph. It was a picture of her grandmother, holding her hand as they strolled through a blooming cherry blossom garden. Niwa's eyes welled up with tears as she realized that she hadn't heard her grandmother's voice in years, hadn't seen her wrinkled smile or felt the soft touch of her hands.

Drifting off to sleep that night, Niwa made a silent promise to herself. She would call her grandmother the next day, overcoming her fears and embracing the chance to reconnect. Life was too short to let the memories fade away, to let the bridges between loved ones crumble.

As the sunlight streamed through Niwa's window the following morning, she picked up her phone with steady hands. With each press of the numbers, her heart beat a little faster, her mind filled with a mix of anticipation and trepidation.

Finally, the phone rang. And as she waited, she could almost hear the whisper of cherry blossoms drifting across the distance, carrying the love of a grandmother to her granddaughter.