Legend of the Bald Dwarf: Makarov's Mystic Tale

"I'm telling you, I've got the perfect way to beat them!"

"No it's not! No it's not!"

"Yes it is! Look, they're all like "Let's go get Makarov there with his stupid beard and one leg." They'll walk right into that stupid trap and then we can smack them all down and take their money. That's what this game is about, right? Taking their money?"

"But..."

"Look at these stats! My character has more hit points than the rest of your party combined, and a total of *three* attacks including my signature move!"

His arguments were falling on deaf ears. The others in the party simply hung their heads and continued to slowly shuffle forward through the forest that marked the border between civilization and wilderness. It wasn't hard to find. There was a sign.

The party had been hired by a local lord to clear out some monsters near his village. The group didn't have much of a choice; they were all wanted men, having been forced out of most cities in the realm for "playing those damn games" as people put it. Every town they tried to enter had its guard ready to arrest them on sight and throw them in gaol until someone paid enough bail to get them out again. This job was the first decent lead they'd gotten in months, and they weren't going to pass up on it. Their lives depended on it.

"It's just...we need some balance," said another member of the party, huffing as he caught up with the leader. He pressed a hand against his chest, trying to massage away the aches from his long days adventuring. "You know that...you know that we can't just go running in blindly." He paused for breath before continuing. "I mean...if there is any danger we want to be able to react." He waved his arms around as he spoke, gesturing towards the trees surrounding them. "We don't want...to end up getting ambushed by something nasty." His eyes darted around nervously as he muttered under his breath: "Like bandits or something."

Makarov stopped suddenly and turned around angrily, jabbing a finger in the air towards his compatriot. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing!" he shouted angrily, pointing off into the distance where a dark spot was visible through the trees. The rest of the party stopped as well, looking between each other uneasily before slowly turning back towards Makarov who was now glaring at him furiously. "I know what you're thinking! You're thinking that those bandits over there will attack us when we get close because we seem weak!" He folded his arms across his chest defiantly as he continued: "Well let me tell you this- I'm not playing this game like your pansy characters! I'm taking charge here because if we don't do something quick nobody is going to hire us ever again because we'll be dead!" He stomped off into the distance towards the bandit camp, gesturing wildly behind him as he went: "So either come along with me or stay here! But don't expect me to save your ass when they chase you down later because I won't be coming back for you!"

The party looked at each other nervously before following after their leader. Only one person remained behind; a man wearing a wizard hat who was pushing an empty wheelbarrow filled with dice rolls across an imaginary D20 table towards where Makarov had disappeared into the woods calling out loudly: "Roll initiative everybody!"