Guardians of Annihilation

"So how did you kill a god?"

"Well, it's not so much killing as it is banishing them, but one of the gods had been getting a little too friendly with my youngest daughter, who was fourteen at the time. I can't have that, so I called him out to meet me and when he did, I challenged him to a duel on my own grounds."

"And you won?"

"Yes, and then I banished him."

"But how did you do it? What weapon did you use?"

"Well the thing is, I didn't use any weapon. I just kicked him in the balls."

The older man grinned wide with pride. He looked to his young companion for similar reaction. The younger man just stared blankly back at him. His eyes were narrowed and his mouth pursed like he tasted something sour. "Well...how hard did you kick him?"

The older man chuckled. "I guess pretty hard. It felt good at the time anyway." He took another long pull from his mug of ale and wiped his beard with his sleeve. "The look on his face though! Oh now that was something special!" He laughed some more, deep belly laughs into his chest and through his nose until he was hocking up phlegm and spitting it into his sleeve. He then wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand and polished off what remained in the mug with a loud slurp. "It was priceless," he said smiling fondly down into the empty mug, recalling the moment vividly in his mind.

The younger man leaned forward expectantly. He was wearing a scarf around his neck that was fraying badly at both ends. It ended up looking more like an old rag than a scarf. It was pulled down low over top of a pair of thick black rimmed glasses that were framed too large for his face giving him an owlish appearance. His hair stuck out in all directions giving him a wild mane like appearance that somehow combined emo with Einstein's hair style while still managing to make him look smarter than Einstein ever did. He had a small goatee below a chin that jutted out prominently and gave him an almost cartoonish look.

The older man cleared his throat loudly and shifted in his chair before continuing on with the story: "Well, we met each other in between our two camps where I'd set up the duel site, but this guy didn't really think ahead very well because he never thought I'd show up for our duel in person, let alone start things off by kicking him square in the nuts!" The old man laughed heartily again, causing some nearby patrons to glance over curiously at them as they both sat laughing away in their corner booth.

"So yeah...he takes my kick right square in those jewels of his and doubles over right there on the spot! Then he falls right there down onto the ground! Now...I'm not supposed to say this either, but there is something I've noticed about these gods whenever they get themselves into situations where they're suddenly done wrong...they don't seem to know where their pants went anymore! They all seem to be avid nudists, so taking off their pants doesn't seem like anything unusual to them anymore because they do it all the time when they travel around. So whenever they find themselves in unexpected situations such as being kicked square in those balls of theirs...they find themselves suddenly naked!"

The older man chuckled heartily again, causing some nearby patrons to once again glance over curiously at them. The younger man smiled politely as the older continued on with his tale: "So yes...this guy lying there completely naked while staring up at me wondering what happened is hilarious! But then, he starts screaming in disbelief because he can't believe what I had just done!"

You see, these gods aren't used to being treated roughly like normal people are, so when they meet someone willing enough or strong enough or dumb enough (or maybe all three!) to act towards them like normal people treat one another, then they get all shocked about it!

So yeah, this guy starts screaming in shock while waving all four arms about like crazy, trying desperately to find his pants which hadn't gone anywhere actually. I had just kicked them further behind me when I jumped into things earlier, before starting my little dance routine down onto my enemy below me, which had consisted mostly of various kicks aimed squarely between those heavenly orbs and knees aimed straight for the groin area!" The older man finished laughing long and hard, causing some nearby patrons to finally lose their patience, having grown tired of hearing him erupt with laughter repeatedly throughout the night. Regardless, the two men continued enjoying their conversation, knowing that they'd have many more amusing stories to share as the night wore on.