Across a Celestial Sea: Alin & Flynn's Quest for Acceptance

_"This is it. The last time I see him before he leaves."_

I keep my eyes on the white and grey speck that is _The Prometheus_. It traveled more than three hundred million kilometers to get here, to the planet of Solis A, with the supplies and equipment we need to start building our colony.

For a moment, I wonder what it must be like in there. If it's full of people who are as excited as I am about this new world.

_"Not long now, Flynn,"_ Alin says from beside me.

I look at his dark skin and high cheekbones, thinking how lucky I am to have met him. We've been together for two years now and it feels like a miracle to have found love with him. When I was growing up in a small town far away from here, where half the people looked down on me because of my gender identity and the other half ignored me because I wasn't one of them, I never thought that something like this could happen to me.

A smile creeps into my lips and I can't help but look at him again.

He smiles back.

We've been through a lot together in just two short years: deaths of parents, problems with our health and finances, difficult decisions about what kind of life we want to lead in our new home... And yet when we look each other in the eyes, all that seems to fade away into nothingness.

I don't know if our relationship will work out in the long run--there are too many factors that are outside of our control--but if nothing else we'll always have those two years together. That should be enough for now.

My gaze returns to the ship again and a new wave of excitement comes over me.

It's almost time! Alin placed a ring on my finger earlier today--a promise for marriage when we're finally settled down on Solis A--and now all that's left is for us to say goodbye for now and for him to get on board of the ship with all his belongings and supplies. After that...

I try not to think about it too much because it makes me feel anxious but soon enough he will be gone from my sight forever and then it's only a matter of time before we'll meet again on this new world.

Alin nudges me gently on the shoulder. "You okay?" he asks.

I turn my head towards him and nod slowly. "Yeah," I reply softly. "It's just..."

"You're going to miss me," he finishes my sentence for me with a gentle smile in his face which suddenly makes me feel better again even though my heart wants nothing more than jumping into his arms right now and never letting go again. "I know." He puts an arm around me gently which I accept without hesitation since it feels so good being close to him at times like these when everything feels so uncertain and frighteningly big in front of us but so exciting at the same time: a whole new world waiting for us to explore, discover, settle down in... make our home! "Just think about all the things you'll see on Solis A," he continues after a moment of silence between us where we both watch the huge ship dock with its four anchor legs onto the landing platform of the spaceport which is still under construction by teams of robots who were sent here ahead of us by EarthGov some weeks ago so they could prepare everything for us humans who would arrive later with ships like _The Prometheus_. "All those beautiful landscapes you couldn't even imagine before because you'd never seen anything like them... You'll have your hands full exploring this planet while taking care your colony, making sure everyone has what they need--" He pauses briefly then adds: "--and that includes taking care yourself." He smiles at me warmly then adds quietly: "And if there's any time left over you can spend it thinking about how lucky you are to have found someone like me." His voice sounds light-hearted but there's something hidden beneath his words that makes my heart sink:  the fear that we might never see each other again after this farewell for now; that what we're going through right now might be only a little fraction of how difficult things will get once we're separated by hundreds of millions kilometers from each other; how hard some days will be without him standing beside me; how lonely I'm going to feel because he won't be there with his smile; how painful it will be every day knowing that he's alone somewhere far away from here... How lonely he must feel right now knowing he has left behind everything he loves just as much as I have done; how heartbroken he must feel knowing that there isn't anything he can do about it except cherish every memory we share together; how frightened he must feel knowing that life out there will be very different from what he knows from Earth; how uncertain life will be without any kind of support or financial security... How uncertain it will be whether or not our relationship will survive all these challenges when everything feels so uncertain already! Again! So soon! Just minutes away from saying goodbye for who knows how long! Again! Again! Again! Why does everything have to be so hard? Why does everything keep changing? Can't things just stay as they are? Can't things just remain calm?! Why does everything keep getting worse? Why can't things stay easy?! Why does everything change? Why can't things stay calm? Why did all this have to happen? Why did she die? Why did they leave? Why didn't they stay? What are we supposed to do now?! What happens next?! Is there even anything left worth living for? Is there any point anymore? Where is happiness hiding today? In what place can happiness hide today? Was happiness ever real at all? Or was happiness only another thing created by human imagination so they could live with hope when reality around them kept showing them darkness instead?! Am I going crazy?! Am I losing my mind? Am I becoming delusional?! Is sanity just another thing people create because they need an illusion to deal with their reality instead?! How much longer do I have until everything breaks into pieces?! How much longer do we have until everything breaks into pieces?! How much longer until friends become enemies?! Until enemies become friends?! Until friends disappear altogether!? What happens when everyone disappears altogether?! What happens when no one is left except myself...? Alone...? On Solis A...? On Earth...? In this life...? Who even cares anymore...? Who even exists anymore...? Is anyone even listening or caring anymore...? What's the point anymore...? What's any meaning left anymore...? What's anything worth doing anymore...? Does anyone else exist anyway...? Are they still alive too...? Do they still exist too...? Are they still alive somewhere else except myself...? Do they exist somewhere else except myself...? Do they exist anywhere else except myself...? Will *anyone* ever exist anywhere else except myself...? Does anyone recognize *anyone* anywhere else except me...? Will anyone ever recognize *anyone* anywhere else except me...? Do others care about *me* anywhere else except here...? Will others care about *me* anywhere else including here...? Is anyone even listening or caring anywhere else besides here??? Myself included??? Myself excluded??? Does everyone even listen or care anywhere else outside of themselves??? Does everyone even talk or communicate with themselves??? Will others ever learn how to talk with themselves??? Will others ever learn how [to] communicate with themselves??? Will others ever communicate at all??? Will someone please talk with ME?? It hurts... It hurts... It hurts... It hurts... It hurts so bad... So bad... So bad... So bad... So bad... So bad... So bad... Please talk with ME!!! Someone please talk with ME!!! Anyone please talk with ME!!! Someone please TALK TO ME!!! Anyone please TALK TO ME!!! PLEASE TALK TO ME!!! PLEASE TALK TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!