Defying the Stars: Enjok's Flight for Freedom

"If you love someone, let them go."

She said. I rolled my eyes at her and told her that was a stupid saying. She laughed and replied with a grin, "No, it's not! It's true."

I didn't believe her. How could it be true? I had never loved anyone in my life and no one had ever loved me. If love existed, it would have been nice to have some experience with it. I had heard the term bandied about in school, thrown around like a ball by the nerds, who were always talking about their crushes on girls they'd never even met. But I knew better than to believe that they really loved these girls; they just wanted to get laid and thought that professing love was the best way to start a relationship. I didn't want to get laid; I wasn't interested in that sort of relationship. All I wanted was a friend, someone who understood me and whom I understood in return. Someone I could hang out with and talk to whenever I felt lonely or needed advice or just wanted to hear someone laugh again.

I'd found such a person in Jungmi Han, but when she left for college at Seoul, she was gone forever. We wrote each other letters every day for nearly a year, but eventually we grew apart as time passed. Maybe she didn't think about me anymore; after all, that's what happens as time passes. You forget about people when you lose contact with them. To be honest, though, I think that was a good thing; my only hope of being happy is if Jungmi doesn't remember me anymore because then maybe she'll forget how sad she used to be when she was around me and thus will be able to find someone else who can make her laugh again without feeling guilty about not thinking of me first. It's not fair for me to ask anything more than that of her right now. After all, it's not like we're really friends anymore anyway; we're really just two people who used to know each other once upon a time and still write each other letters because we don't know what else to do with ourselves now that there is no one left to care if we live or die...

...well, there is still one person left who still cares if I live or die: my father. He cares so much about his son Enjok's well-being that he believes the government is plotting against us for whatever reason he can come up with next. You see, Dad has always been paranoid since before I can remember; but ever since Mom died last year from lung cancer (not caused by the government), his paranoia has reached its peak: now he believes the government poisoned her along with thousands of others so they could save money on medical costs by experimenting on those same poor souls in secret labs hidden deep underground where they test dangerous chemicals and viruses on innocent people without anyone knowing until the victims show the first signs of sickness themselves! And he thinks they're going to kill him too someday soon because he knows too much! Damn government bastards are everywhere!

But Dad won't leave us alone; he keeps telling us how we need to leave this house before it's too late if we don't want to end up like Mom! He says that every time he sees us outside walking around doing things normal families do without so much as a word of caution from him. When had he become so paranoid? Wasn't it bad enough Mom was sick and dying? Did he honestly believe his own wife couldn't be trusted anymore?! If anything, she probably knew more than he did about what was going on here in South Korea. And yet Dad refused to see this or listen to reason or anything else for that matter...he was just stubbornly convinced that everyone was out to get him and that only he knew what was good for his family rather than actually seeing any proof himself...it left him blind...so blind...even more blind than Jungmi Han or Mom were before they went blind themselves...maybe even more blind than Daeryun Park...but at least Daeryun Park saw something in me worth accepting despite our differences...he gave me hope when there was nothing left but despair...and now I'll give back by telling him there is nothing left here worth saving because this place isn't home anymore without you here and Mom behind closed doors crying herself awake every morning wondering why she couldn't have done more while Dad yelled at her because he knew what would happen when she would inevitably pass away either way...it's not fair...not fair at all...but if you love someone, let them go...