Juanita and the Killer's Game

"Hey Juanita, are you okay?" She couldn't remember how long she had been sitting there, staring at the open fridge. She knew something was wrong. It didn't feel like she was hungry. She felt shaky and tired. Like she needed to sleep for a week.

She looked over at her friend Elena, who was leaning against the doorway, her hands on her hips. Elena's skin was dark chocolate, her hair jet black and straight down to her waist. Her eyes were an even darker shade of brown and when she looked at you, she made you feel like you could tell her anything. Right now, though, she just looked worried.

"I'm fine," Juanita said as she slowly closed the fridge door and turned around to face her friend.

Elena frowned. "You don't look fine."

"I told you I'm fine! What do you want? We're going to be late!" Juanita tried to smile but it felt more like a grimace than a real smile. "We have to go meet everyone at the bus stop."

Elena walked over and put her arm around Juanita's shoulders. "Do you want me to drive? You look really tired."

Juanita shrugged away from Elena and moved into the living room where they had been unpacking boxes earlier that morning. Her stomach lurched as she took in all of their grandparents' things: paintings of Spanish landscapes and santos, a large wooden crucifix with Jesus hanging on it, an old glass cabinet filled with porcelain dolls dressed in traditional Spanish costumes, a basket full of green olive oil soap wrapped in bright orange paper along with some pumice stones that would probably turn Juanita's skin orange if she used them, a small statue of Mary holding baby Jesus up towards heaven with his tiny hand stretched out as if he were about to give God a high five... Enough! The walls were covered in stuff! Next thing she knew they'd be unpacking their grandmother's dresses and those awful platform shoes that smelled like dead fish when it rained...

Trying not to think about their grandma with all of these things around them, Juanita opened one of the boxes they had stacked next to the couch where they sat while they watched telenovelas together. Her fingers clutched onto an old cassette tape labeled "Los Hermanos Moreno". She thought that maybe they could listen while they drove down to San Diego tomorrow afternoon for their parents' anniversary party. They hadn't seen her parents or any of their relatives since before...the accident. Their poor nana wasn't doing so well and Juanita thought this might be the last time they would see each other before she went...well...she didn't know what all happened once someone died but she did know that he wouldn't be coming back when Nana passed away; everybody knew that much for sure. But Nana was getting old and sometimes forgetful so maybe when it happened she wouldn't even notice him leaving – she would just keep talking about him as if he were still alive but then after a while when people kept telling her he had already gone to Heaven with God, she would probably accept it eventually because Nana was always smart like that; after all those years teaching school no wonder! Oh God! Would Nana see him? Would he wait for her? Would he stay with her? Or would he leave right away? And if so why? Why would he leave before Nana got there? Why didn't he wait until Nana got there too? Wasn't Heaven supposed to be perfect? Where nobody ever got hurt or sick or sad ever again? Why did evil exist then if God created everything? Maybe that wasn't true either... Maybe evil always existed somewhere in another realm and maybe God only stopped it from getting here by creating Heaven because otherwise we'd all be living in Hell forever...But if that was true then why did our parents get killed? If evil didn't exist here then why did evil have to enter our lives by hurting them? If there was no evil then why did our mother get raped by bad men who killed our father before his body could even go cold on the ground after putting up a fight that saw blood spill all over our own front lawn? If there is no evil then why does life suck so bad sometimes?! If there is no evil then why does my heart feel like it's about ready to explode every time I try to take a breath?! If there is no evil then how am I supposed to make it through each day without breaking into pieces?! If there is no evil then what did I do today that could possibly punish me tomorrow?! If there is no evil then why do people die?! Why can I see death everywhere I look?! How can anyone live this way without being crazy?! What kind of world has this become where every single person is living in fear?! Where everyone walks around as though they are carrying heavy rocks on their shoulders all day long?! Where everyone can see darkness lurking behind every corner waiting for its chance to attack again!? What kind of world has this become where two young women who have never raised their voices at one another can sit together trying not to cry by packing up their dead grandmother's house because their nana isn't well enough anymore to live here anymore!? What kind of world has this become where we have to decide whether or not we'll put our grandmother in some place where they'll watch over her while we drive down south without even knowing if we'll ever see her alive again!? What kind of world has this become where people kill other people because they are unhappy!? Where peace doesn't exist even though we're surrounded by all these beautiful things! What kind of world has this become where children grow up watching adults struggle under heavy boulders every day and never learn anything about love!? What kind of world has this become where adults struggle under heavy boulders every day and never learn anything about kindness!? Where love doesn't exist even though we're surrounded by all these beautiful things! What kind of world has this become where people hate one another because those people believe different things than the first group does!? Where peace doesn't exist even though we're surrounded by all these beautiful things! What kind of world has this become where everybody wants money but nobody wants happiness!? Where peace doesn't exist even though we're surrounded by all these beautiful things!" She slammed the box shut and pushed it off the coffee table onto the floor as tears began streaming down her face. Elena picked up the box and set it back on top of the pile before wrapping her arms around Juanita again.