Unbound Babyhood

"I can't believe you're doing this, mom."

"Well, I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for you. You *looked* like a hot mess in that poster."

"Mom, I was trying to convey resiliency and hope, not the fact that I needed a shower."

"That's what happens when you stay out too late. At least your hair looked decent today." She pauses her appraising eye-roll to look at me. "Speaking of which, why don't we get you some highlights? You know that always makes you feel better. And maybe some lip gloss? You look like you haven't had a date since college."

"Mom! I work! That's why I don't have time for all that stuff!" And why it looks like I haven't had a date since college.

She just continues on like she hasn't heard me. "And maybe we can pick up some new clothes for you. It's been years since we did any shopping together...you know, as mother and daughter!" She gives me a forced smile that makes me want to throw her into the nearest wall. But then again, my mom is never more terrifying than she is when she's being nice to you.

I watch her rummage through my closet as she continues talking about how my wardrobe is an embarrassment to our whole family. She pulls out an old t-shirt of mine and turns it over in her hands before dropping it back inside the closet and moving on to the next one. Her voice gets quieter as she moves farther away from the door and I can barely hear her move onto the next set of drawers.

I take the chance to scope out my room for any possible exits. The only one I can see is the one mom is blocking with her body, but if worse comes to worse there are two windows on opposite sides of my room that lead to adjacent porches, both of which would get me outside without having to physically pass mom or sister Astrid, who sits on my bed reading a magazine with a bored expression plastered across her face.

But then again, they're watching TV and probably wouldn't hear me open either window anyway so back down on the floor with the rest of them I go. Mom emerges triumphantly from my closet carrying another shirt and holding a pair of pants in her other hand. "We'll start with these," she announces loudly after making sure everyone was paying attention - Astrid straightens up immediately while our dog Rex puts his head back down on his paws and continues snoring happily - "Now go put them on." She holds out one hand expectantly while pointing towards the bathroom with her other one. Pointing towards *my* bathroom where my things are still piled up in a corner waiting for me to clean them up so I could actually use the bathroom again on my own terms instead of at their command - where do they think I am going?

"Mom! What are you doing?" I whisper urgently as she reaches forward to grab my arm and yank me towards the bathroom door. She shushes me impatiently and keeps pulling until I'm inside and she has closed the door behind us. She takes out her phone and starts punching in numbers even though no one else can hear us in here anyway and says in a low voice over her shoulder as she types: "You need some new clothes." As if that wasn't obvious already by now. "This is just something little we can do together to start getting your life back on track..." Now that sounds more ominous but whatever; it doesn't matter because then she steps forward towards me and begins fiddling with something around my neck that wasn't there before...and then it dawns on me what's happening and all I can do is stare dumbly at this mother of mine who hasn't really loved me even once ever since I left home for college which was 4 years ago now - how strange it must be for both of us to find ourselves here after all these years...