Forbidden Blood

Yeh jo main likh raha hoon, isko koi aadmi parh kar mujhe kabhi maaf nahi karega. Main jaanta hoon. Lekin agar main na likhoon, toh yeh baat mere andar sadti rahegi, aur main us se pehle hi mar jaunga. Mera naam Rafiq hai. Umar pachpan saal. Lahore ke andar, purane shehar ki ek tang gali mein, mere paas ek chhoti si dukan hai jahan main taale, chabiyan, aur purani ghadiyan theek karta hoon. Yeh kaam mujhe mere baap ne sikhaya tha. Log kehte hain haath ki safai Allah ki nishani hai. Mere haath saaf hain. Main cheezon ko kholta hoon, andar dekhta hoon, aur phir se jor deta hoon. Zindagi aisi nahi hoti. Zindagi ko tum kholte ho aur andar sirf andhera milta hai.

Meri behen ka naam Nasreen tha. Do saal mujh se badi. Uski shadi us waqt hui jab main sirf pandrah saal ka tha. Uska shauhar, Karim, ek bori wala tha. Boriyon ka karobar. Paise the uske paas, izzat bhi thi, lekin marne se pehle woh apni biwi ko ek hi cheez de gaya. Ek beti. Zainab.

Zainab.

Ab jab bhi main yeh naam sochta hoon, mera haath apne aap dukan ke counter par rakhi chitkon wali chabiyon ki taraf barh jata hai. Main unhein uthata hoon, tolta hoon, phir wapas rakh deta hoon. Aadi hai yeh bhi.

Zainab ki umar jab athara saal ki hui, toh Nasreen ne mujhe phone kiya. Woh Lahore se door rehti thi, Multan ke paas ek chhote se qasbe mein. Karim ke marne ke baad usne wahan hi rehna chuna, kyunke uske susraal wale uske ghar ke andar hi rehte the, aur aurat ko akela chor kar nikal jana uski fitrat mein nahi tha. Nasreen ki awaz phone par hamesha thaki hui lagti thi. Jaise koi bhooli hui cheez dhoondh rahi ho jo kabhi mil hi nahi sakti.

"Rafiq," usne kaha. "Zainab ko tumhare paas bhej rahi hoon. Do mahine ke liye. Yahan uske liye kuch nahi hai. Aur tumhare paas shehar hai. Woh dekh legi, samajh legi."

Main chup raha. Phone par khamoshi bhi ek awaaz hoti hai. Nasreen ne is khamoshi ko suna aur samajh gayi.

"Woh tumhari bhanji hai," usne kaha. "Khoon ka rishta hai."

Khoon ka rishta. Jaise khoon kabhi rishton ka mohtaj ho.

Zainab Lahore aayi ek sardiyon ki subah. Bus se utri toh usne apna bori si bag kandhe par latkaya hua tha aur sar par ek halka dupatta. Main usay lene gaya tha bus adday par. Woh mujhe pehchan nahi rahi thi, aur main usay pehchan nahi raha tha. Ek lamhe ke liye hum dono ajnabi ban kar ek doosre ke chehre dekhte rahe. Phir usne kaha, "Mamu?"

Uska chehra Nasreen jaisa tha. Bilkul waisa hi. Wahi aankhein, wahi naak, wahi honth. Lekin uski aankhon mein woh thakan nahi thi jo Nasreen ki aankhon mein thi. Uski aankhon mein kuch aur tha. Bhookh. Woh bhookh jo cheezon ko dekhne ki hoti hai, jismein sharm nahi hoti.

Main usay apni gaadi mein bithaya. Purani Suzuki. Woh baithi toh usne khirki se bahar dekha, aur Lahore uske saamne se guzarta raha. Imaratein, bheer, shor, galiyon mein daurti hui zindagi. Usne kuch nahi kaha. Sirf dekhti rahi. Aur main sochta raha ke Nasreen ne usay kyun bheja. Kya woh jaanti thi ke woh kya kar rahi hai? Kya maaon ko pata hota hai? Shayad pata hota hai. Shayad isi liye woh raat ko der tak jaagti hain.

Mere ghar mein ek chhota sa kamra tha uske liye. Deewar par purana pankha, ek khat, ek mez. Main ne usay wahan utara. Woh bag kholne lagi toh main ne darwaze se bahar jaate hue kaha, "Nashta neeche milega. Aath baje."

Woh sar hilaya. Bas.

Pehle hafte mein usne ghar ko dekha. Mere kamre ko dekha. Meri kitaabon ko dekha. Meri dukan ko dekha. Woh meri dukan par aayi ek din, aur chabiyon ke dabbe ko khol kar dekhti rahi. Usne ek purani ghadi uthai, usay kaan se lagaya, aur phir muskurai. Pehli baar.

"Yeh chal rahi hai," usne kaha.

"Kabhi kabhi," main ne kaha.

"Kabhi kabhi chalna bhi chalna hota hai."

Woh yeh keh kar hansi. Uski hansi mein kuch aisa tha jo mujhe Nasreen ki yaad dilata tha, lekin kuch aisa bhi tha jo mujhe Nasreen ki yaad nahi dilata tha. Main usay dekh raha tha. Main jaanta hoon ke main usay kaise dekh raha tha. Ek mard apni bhanji ko aise nahi dekhta. Lekin main dekh raha tha.

Doosre hafte mein woh raat ko der tak jaagti. Main ne ek raat dekha ke woh seerhiyon par baithi thi, ghutnon mein sar chhupaye hue. Main ne poocha, "Neend nahi aa rahi?"

Usne sar uthaya. Uski aankhein surkh thi. "Mamu," usne kaha. "Yahan sab kuch kitna bara hai. Ghar. Sadkein. Log. Sab kuch bara hai. Main chhoti si hoon."

Main uske paas baith gaya. Seerhi ki teesri seedhi par. Us se ek seedhi neeche. "Bara hona zaroori nahi," main ne kaha.

"Phir kya zaroori hai?"

Main usay jawab nahi de saka. Isliye ke main khud nahi jaanta tha. Isliye ke main us waqt sirf yeh jaanta tha ke uske baal uske chehre par gir rahe the, aur woh unhein kaan ke peeche nahi kar rahi thi, aur main yeh nahi chahta tha ke woh kare.

Teesre hafte mein Nasreen ka phone aaya. "Kaisi hai woh?"

"Theek hai."

"Tum theek ho?"

Main chup raha. Is baar khamoshi ne kuch aur kaha. Nasreen ne suna. Aur is baar woh nahi samjhi. Ya samajh gayi aur jaan bujh kar anjaan bani rehna chahi.

"Rafiq," usne kaha. "Woh tumhari bhanji hai."

"Pata hai mujhe."

"Toh?"

"Toh kuch nahi," main ne kaha, aur phone kaat diya.

Us raat main so nahi saka. Main apne kamre mein leta raha, chhat ko dekhta raha, aur sochta raha ke main kya kar raha hoon. Main pachpan saal ka aadmi hoon. Meri behen ki beti mere ghar mein hai. Main usay khaana deta hoon, kapre dhota hoon, aur raat ko uske baare mein sochta hoon. Yeh galat hai. Yeh bilkul galat hai. Lekin galat hona kisi cheez ko rokta nahi. Main yeh jaanta hoon kyunke main ne zindagi bhar galat cheezein hoti dekhi hain aur unhein rokne ki koshish nahi ki.

Chauthay hafte mein woh mere kamre mein aayi. Raat ke barah baje. Main jaag raha tha. Woh darwaze par khadi thi, aur usne kuch nahi kaha. Main ne bhi kuch nahi kaha. Woh mere paas aayi, mere bistar ke kinare baithi, aur usne apna haath mere haath par rakha. Uska haath thanda tha. Sardiyon ka haath.

"Mamu," usne kaha. "Main jaanti hoon."

"Kya jaanti ho?"

"Sab."

Main usay dekhta raha. Woh mujhe dekhti rahi. Aur phir usne apna dupatta utaar diya. Bas. Itna hi. Ek chhota sa harkat, aur meri poori zindagi do hisson mein bat gayi. Pehle jo kuch tha, aur ab jo kuch hai.

Main ne usay roka nahi.