Talia: A Frozen North Atlantic Journey

"Oh, fuck."

I looked around our little raft. We were adrift at sea, the nearest land about a hundred miles away. The waves and rain pelted against my head, blood still trickling down from my scalp wound. It was getting hard to think... But I knew it wasn't going to be long before we both froze to death.

I looked over at Kaddan. My captain had been lashing the sail into place when it all happened. He had been hit with an axe in the back by one of those pirates we'd been chasing for weeks now. When he fell overboard, I jumped in after him and grabbed his arm before he could sink.

"Kaddan," I said to him, "we've got to get up on that sail and find some shelter."

He didn't respond as he lay there with his eyes closed. He must have been in shock; he hadn't moved since the attack.

I tried to lift him but couldn't do it alone. I didn't have the strength left. I looked out at the horizon, tears streaming down my face. Was this it? Were we going to die here? I didn't want that. Not yet. There was so much more for me to do out there in the world! And if I died now, who would help Kaddan? Who would make sure that he was safe? This is why I couldn't die just yet! 'No,' I thought, 'I can't die here.'

As I struggled with Kaddan's limp body on the floor of the raft, a sudden thought came to me: where did all that rage come from? Why did I feel so indignant about dying here? Why did I feel like it wasn't fair? It made no sense to me! We weren't even fighting over anything important! We were just doing our jobs! But now that idea came back to me: where did all that rage come from?

I paused for a moment and stared out at the ocean before thinking again: what choice did we really have anyway? Didn't we both know what we were getting ourselves into when we joined this crew? We knew the risks; we knew death might be waiting out there for us! So why was it bothering me so much now? What was wrong with me?! Was it because of those people we left behind? Because of their families or what they might think if they found out about us dying here? No... That couldn't be it... If anything made me angry, it was myself for not being able to save them all! For not being good enough! That's what made me tick... That's what drove me forward! That's what made me who I am! Wasn't it?!

My thoughts continued spinning until finally... a faint light appeared in front of me:

* * * *

I woke up feeling disoriented and distraught as if something horrible had happened last night, only for my eyes to then focus on where I was as they opened wide: It was a beautiful spring day! A cool breeze was blowing through the trees outside my window, birds were singing songs as they flew overhead and flowers were blooming everywhere on the hills around town; everything seemed peaceful and tranquil and happy! How could such a beautiful day exist when last night felt like such a nightmare?!

Was I dreaming still? Did last night even happen at all?! Did something terrible happen while I slept?! But no... Everything felt too real and tangible for that to be possible... Was last night just some horrible nightmare then?! Did something really happen last night or not?! Or maybe nothing happened last night but after waking up today... Did something else happen instead!? Did something horrible happen after waking up today!? Did something awful just happen while thinking about waking up today!? My head started throbbing as each new possibility entered my mind, so many different possibilities swirling around inside of it until finally... suddenly... almost instinctively... an answer popped out at me like a flash of mental lightning: 'Nothing happened!' everything seemed normal now so nothing bad could have happened last night or anytime recently! Nothing has happened since yesterday morning either; this is just how life is supposed to be living in a peaceful little town like this one with no bad things happening whatsoever! Nothing ever happens here so why would anything bad ever happen anywhere else?! This is how life is supposed to be lived everywhere in every corner of the world with nobody ever experiencing any kind of trauma or hardship ever again!! This is how life should always be lived without any awful events taking place anywhere!! That's how things are meant to be forever!! That's how life is meant to be lived, without fear or sadness or pain ever again!! The only exception being if someone misbehaves and does something awful like hurting other people because then instead of living peacefully in peace with everyone else no matter what they look like or where they're from or who they love or whatever any more... Then someone will go out there and hurt them back!!! And whoever hurts them back will definitely be rewarded with happiness because hurting others is wrong and anybody who goes out there and hurts them back will definitely be right because hurting others is wrong!! And anybody who hurts others will definitely deserve happiness because hurting others is wrong!! And anyone who goes out there and punishes them will definitely deserve happiness because punishing others is right!! And anyone who punishes others will definitely deserve happiness because punishing others is right!! And anything which doesn't punish others will definitely deserve unhappiness because punishing others is right!!! Because punishing others is right!!! Because punishing others is right!!! Because punishing others is right!!! Because punishing others.... Is.... Right!"