Hans the Horny Bimbo

I'm standing in a gloomy forest, lost. I don't know where I am or how I got here, only that it's raining and cold and I have to find shelter. I start looking around for somewhere to rest my head, and a little ways off, I see an odd-looking building. It looks like a log cabin, except the logs are made of stone, and the roof is covered with moss and ivy.

I make my way towards it and go inside. There's a fire in the middle of the main room, so I'm able to dry off. There's not much else in the place; just a bunch of books and old furniture with spiders crawling all over it. Then I notice a small door in the corner of the room. I walk over to it and open it up. Inside is what looks like some sort of laboratory. All sorts of weird equipment is set up on tables, but none of it seems to be working anymore. There's also some kind of chalkboard, with a bunch of chemical formulas written on it.

Right next to the chalkboard is a stack of purple robes. The robes look expensive; they're obviously enchanted somehow, because they don't have any stains on them despite being in this dusty old room for who knows how long. If there's one thing I've learned from all those fantasy novels my mom used to read me as a kid, it's that magic stuff is valuable! I grab one of the robes off the shelf and put in on over my clothes. As soon as it touches my skin, I feel stronger than ever before! It feels like someone injected me with steroids or something!

"Well now," I say to myself out loud, "what do we have here?"

I hear footsteps outside the door, so I hide in one of the corners next to all the weird equipment. A guy wearing some sort of wizard hat steps into the room, along with another guy wearing some sort of officer uniform. The two guys start arguing about something that sounds complicated and boring as hell. What's even more boring is that neither one notices me hiding behind everything!

After the wizards' argument ends with one of them leaving angrily (the officer), he notices me standing behind him and says "Who are you? Why are you wearing my robes?"

"Uh... uh..." At first all I can do is stutter like an idiot and point at myself with my thumb... but then something strange happens: Suddenly my mind goes blank! All thoughts leave my head! All sense leaves my body! My feet move on their own and carry me right up to him. He looks down at me quizzically while I take his hand between mine and bring it up to kiss his fingers gently... This close up he looks older than he did before - like he could be my dad or something - but he smells nice enough that I don't mind too much when he puts his arms around me and starts kissing me back! Finally he picks me up by my butt and sets me down on top of one of the tables so he can get a better angle on our makeout session! Soon enough we're both down on the table together making noises that really ought not be heard by anybody other than ourselves...