Sensory Overload

The first time I noticed Chilchuck's ears twitch, I was watching him pick a lock.

We were in the lower levels of the dungeon, the kind of damp stone corridor where the walls sweat and the air tastes like copper and old bones. The rest of the party had stopped to argue about the map. Marcille was insisting we'd taken a wrong turn at the last junction. Senshi was ignoring her entirely, scraping moss off the wall with his knife and muttering about vitamin content. Namari was cleaning her axe with the kind of focused attention that meant she was too tired to care about anything else.

I was supposed to be keeping watch. I wasn't.

Chilchuck knelt in front of a rusted iron door, his lockpicks moving inside the mechanism with tiny, precise clicks. His ears, those long, pointed things that stuck out from his messy brown hair like afterthoughts, were doing something I'd never seen before. They were swiveling. Independently. Like a cat tracking two different sounds at once.

The left one angled toward the corridor behind us. The right one tilted toward the door.

I forgot about keeping watch.

"Your ears are moving," I said.

Chilchuck didn't look up. "They do that."

"No, I mean they're moving separately. At the same time. I've never seen that before."

The lock clicked open. Chilchuck stood, brushing dust off his knees, and finally looked at me. His face was doing that thing it did when he couldn't decide if I was being weird or if I was being weird and also stupid. It was a very specific expression. I'd seen it a lot.

"Yeah," he said. "That's how ears work."

"No, human ears don't do that. Mine don't do that." I reached up and touched my own ear, as if to confirm. It stayed in place. "Yours are like an animal's. Like a rabbit or a fox. They can hear things from different directions at the same time."

Chilchuck stared at me for a long moment. Then he turned and walked through the door.

I followed. Obviously.

The room beyond was a storage chamber, long abandoned. Crates and barrels lined the walls, most of them rotted through, spilling their contents onto the flagstones. The air was thick with the smell of decay and something else, something sharp and chemical. I sneezed.

"Bless you," Chilchuck said automatically, already moving to check the crates.

"Your ears," I said.

"What about them."

"They're still moving. Even when you're not paying attention. They're tracking things."

Chilchuck pulled a rusted knife from one of the crates, examined it, and tossed it aside. "That's what they do, Laios. They hear things. I don't control it. It just happens."

"Can you hear things I can't?"

He glanced at me. That expression again. "Yes."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that Namari is still arguing with Marcille about the map. Like Senshi found something he thinks is edible and is trying to figure out if it'll poison us. Like there's water dripping somewhere about fifty feet below us, which means the floor might be unstable. Like you haven't bathed in three days and you're standing too close."

I blinked. "You can hear all that?"

"I can hear the water. I can smell the rest."

I looked down at myself. I knew I was dirty. Dungeon crawling does that. But I hadn't thought I smelled that bad. "Is it really noticeable?"

Chilchuck's ears flattened against his head, just slightly. A tiny movement, almost imperceptible. If I hadn't been watching so closely, I would have missed it.

"Yeah," he said. "It's noticeable."

I should have apologized. I should have stepped back. That would have been the normal thing to do. But I was already thinking about something else.

"Can you smell other things? Like, more than a human can?"

Chilchuck's jaw tightened. "Why are you asking?"

"Because it's interesting. I've never met a halffoot before. I've read about them, but the books don't really go into detail about the senses. They mostly talk about the height and the feet and the..." I trailed off, realizing I was about to say something that might be offensive.

"The feet," Chilchuck said flatly.

"The feet," I confirmed. "And the hair. And the ears. But not the senses. Not really."

Chilchuck turned away and started going through another crate. "The senses are the same as anyone else's. Just sharper."

"Sharper how?"

"Sharper like I can hear your heartbeat from across the room. Sharper like I can smell what you ate for breakfast two days ago. Sharper like I can tell you're nervous right now because your sweat changed."

I wasn't nervous. Was I? I felt my pulse. It seemed normal. But maybe Chilchuck could tell things about my body that I couldn't.

"That's amazing," I said.

Chilchuck's shoulders tensed. "It's not amazing. It's just how I am."

"Can you taste things better too? Like, is food more intense for you?"

"I don't know. I've never been a human. I don't have anything to compare it to."

"Right. That makes sense." I paused. "What about touch? Is your skin more sensitive?"

Chilchuck stopped moving. His back was to me, but I could see his ears swivel toward me, both of them at once. "Why are you asking that?"

"Just curious. I've always wondered how different races experience the world. Like, do you feel things differently than I do? Does a touch that's light for me feel heavier for you? Or lighter?"

Chilchuck didn't answer. He picked up a rusty nail and threw it across the room. It clattered against the far wall.

"We should catch up with the others," he said.

"Wait, one more question."

"No."

"Just one."

Chilchuck turned around. His face was red. Not much. Just a little, across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. I wondered if he was embarrassed about something. Maybe I'd said something rude without realizing it.

"Your ears," I said. "Can you feel it when someone touches them?"

The red got darker. "Why would anyone touch them?"

"I don't know. I'm just asking if you can feel it."

Chilchuck's ears twitched again, both of them, a quick flick that reminded me of a horse shooing away flies. "Yes," he said. "I can feel it."

"Is it sensitive?"

"Laios."

"What?"

"Stop."

I stopped. But I didn't stop thinking about it.

That night, we made camp in a safe room we'd cleared of monsters. Senshi cooked something that tasted like mushrooms and regret. Marcille fell asleep first, her book open on her chest. Namari took first watch. Chilchuck sat against the wall, his knees drawn up, his eyes closed.

I watched him.

I know how that sounds. I know it's weird. But I couldn't help it. His ears were still moving, even in sleep. They twitched and swiveled, tracking sounds I couldn't hear. A drip of water somewhere in the walls. A distant monster growl. The rustle of Marcille's pages when the draft caught them.

I wondered what it was like. To hear everything. To smell everything. To feel everything so much more intensely than I did.

I wondered if it was overwhelming.

I wondered if he ever got used to it.

I wondered if there was a way to test it.

The thought stuck with me. It wasn't a weird thought. Not really. I was just curious. Chilchuck was a different species. A different way of experiencing the world. And I wanted to understand it. That was all.

The next morning, I woke up before everyone else. Chilchuck was still asleep, curled on his side, his ears twitching. I watched him for a while. Then I got up and started making breakfast.

Senshi joined me after a few minutes. We worked in silence, slicing bread and cheese, heating water for tea. The others woke up one by one. Marcille yawned and stretched. Namari grunted and started checking her gear. Chilchuck opened his eyes and immediately looked at me.

"What," he said.

"Nothing."

"You're staring."

"I'm not staring. I'm just looking."

Chilchuck sat up and rubbed his face. His hair was a mess, sticking up in every direction. His ears were drooping slightly, like he hadn't slept well. I wondered if the dungeon noises kept him awake. I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat from across the room.

"Here," I said, handing him a plate. "Breakfast."

Chilchuck took it. His fingers brushed mine. Just for a second. But I felt it. A tiny spark of contact. And I wondered if he felt it too, if his skin was more sensitive than mine, if that brief touch had been more intense for him.

He didn't react. He just took the plate and started eating.

I sat down next to him. Closer than I usually would. Close enough that our shoulders almost touched.

Chilchuck glanced at me. "What are you doing?"

"Eating breakfast."

"You're sitting too close."

"Am I?"

Chilchuck's ears flattened. "Yes."

"Sorry." I didn't move.

Chilchuck ate his breakfast in silence. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. His ears were still moving, tracking sounds. His nose twitched occasionally, like he was smelling something. His fingers, when they touched the bread, seemed to linger on the texture.

I wondered what it would be like to have senses that sharp. To feel everything so intensely. To be aware of every little detail in the world around you.

I wondered if it was exhausting.

After breakfast, we packed up and continued deeper into the dungeon. The corridors grew narrower, the air thicker. We passed through a room filled with giant spiderwebs, the kind that stick to your skin and don't let go. Marcille burned them away with a spell. Namari complained about the smell. Senshi collected some of the webbing for later use.

Chilchuck walked ahead of me, his ears constantly moving. I watched them. I couldn't help it. They were fascinating. Like little radar dishes, picking up signals I couldn't detect.

"You're doing it again," Chilchuck said without turning around.

"Doing what?"

"Staring at my ears."

"I'm not staring. I'm observing."

"It's the same thing."

"It's not. Observing is scientific. Staring is rude."

Chilchuck stopped and turned to face me. His expression was tired. Not the kind of tired that comes from walking all day. The kind of tired that comes from dealing with something annoying for a long time.

"Why are you so interested in my ears?" he asked.

"Because they're interesting."

"They're just ears."

"They're not just ears. They're different. They hear things mine can't. They move in ways mine don't. They're..." I searched for the right word. "They're a window into a different way of experiencing the world."

Chilchuck stared at me. "That's the weirdest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

"Oh." I thought about that. "I didn't mean it to be weird. I just think it's fascinating. The way different races perceive things. The way your senses are sharper than mine. The way you can smell things I can't. The way you can hear things I can't. It's like you're living in a different world than I am. A richer world. A more detailed world."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "It's not richer. It's just different."

"But it is richer. You have access to more information. More sensory data. You can detect things I'm completely blind to."

"I can also get overwhelmed by things you don't even notice. Loud noises. Strong smells. Bright lights."

"Really?"

"Yes. Really."

I filed that away. Overwhelmed. Interesting. "So your senses have downsides too."

"Everything has downsides."

"What are the downsides for you?"

Chilchuck started walking again. "I don't want to talk about this."

"Why not?"

"Because it's personal."

"Oh." I walked beside him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

Chilchuck didn't answer. We walked in silence for a while. The corridor opened into a larger chamber, a cavern with a ceiling that disappeared into darkness. Stalagmites rose from the floor like teeth. Water dripped from above, the sound echoing.

Chilchuck's ears swiveled, tracking the drips. His nose twitched. His eyes narrowed.

"Something's wrong," he said.

"What?"

"I don't know. Something smells off."

I sniffed the air. I couldn't smell anything unusual. Just the usual dungeon smells. Damp stone. Old blood. Something faintly sulfuric.

"What does it smell like?" I asked.

"Like... rot. But not normal rot. Like something that's been dead for a long time but isn't supposed to be."

"That's specific."

"That's what it smells like."

We moved forward cautiously. The others followed, weapons drawn. The chamber was quiet, too quiet. Even I could tell that. The kind of quiet that means something is waiting.

Then the floor moved.

A massive creature erupted from the stone, its body covered in chitinous plates, its mouth a ring of teeth. A dungeon worm. Big one. Marcille shouted and threw a fireball. Namari swung her axe. Senshi raised his shield.

Chilchuck disappeared.

I mean, he didn't actually disappear. He was still there. But he moved so fast I couldn't track him. One moment he was beside me. The next he was behind the worm, his daggers flashing. He moved like water, like shadow, like something that didn't obey the normal rules of physics.

I watched him fight. I couldn't help it. The way he moved. The way his ears tracked the worm's movements. The way his nose twitched, reading the air. The way his body responded to stimuli I couldn't even perceive.

He was beautiful.

Not in the way Marcille was beautiful, with her golden hair and her elegant spells. Not in the way Namari was beautiful, with her strong arms and her fierce grin. Chilchuck was beautiful in a different way. In the way a perfectly crafted tool is beautiful. In the way a lock that opens exactly when you need it to is beautiful.

I wondered if he knew that. I wondered if anyone had ever told him.

The worm died. Senshi carved it up for ingredients. Marcille sat down and caught her breath. Namari cleaned her axe. Chilchuck appeared beside me, wiping his daggers on a rag.

"Good fight," I said.

"Thanks."

"You move really fast."

"I'm a halffoot. We're quick."

"It's not just that. It's the way you move. The way you respond to things. It's like you know what's going to happen before it happens."

Chilchuck shrugged. "I just pay attention."

"To what?"

"Everything. The sounds. The smells. The way the air moves. The way the ground vibrates. It all tells you something."

"And you can process all that at once?"

"I have to. If I don't, I die."

I thought about that. The constant influx of information. The constant need to interpret and react. It sounded exhausting. It sounded exhilarating.

"Can you teach me?" I asked.

Chilchuck looked at me. "Teach you what?"

"To pay attention like that. To notice things the way you do."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "You can't learn it. It's not something you learn. It's something you're born with."

"But maybe I could learn to notice more. To be more aware."

"You could try. But you'd never be as good as me. Your senses are too dull."

"Dull?"

"Compared to mine. Yes."

I smiled. "That's what I want to understand. What it's like to have senses that sharp. What it's like to experience the world the way you do."

Chilchuck's expression shifted. Something flickered in his eyes. Something I couldn't read.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I want to understand you."

The words hung in the air. Chilchuck stared at me. His ears were completely still for once, frozen in place. His nose didn't twitch. His eyes didn't move.

Then he turned away.

"We should keep moving," he said.

We kept moving.

That night, I couldn't sleep.

I lay on my bedroll, staring at the ceiling of the safe room we'd found. The others were asleep. Marcille was snoring softly. Namari was muttering in her dreams. Senshi was completely silent, the way he always was.

Chilchuck was on watch.

I turned my head. He was sitting against the wall, his knees drawn up, his eyes scanning the room. His ears were moving, tracking sounds. His nose twitched occasionally.

I watched him for a long time.

Then I got up.

Chilchuck's head turned immediately. "What are you doing?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"You should try anyway. We have a long day tomorrow."

"I know." I walked over and sat down next to him. Close. Closer than I needed to. "Can I ask you something?"

Chilchuck sighed. "You're going to anyway."

"Your senses. You said they can get overwhelmed."

"Yes."

"What does that feel like?"

Chilchuck was quiet for a moment. "Like being underwater. Like everything is too much. Too loud. Too bright. Too intense. Like your skin is too tight and your head is too full and you can't escape it."

"That sounds awful."

"It is."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I don't. I just wait for it to pass."

I thought about that. The idea of being trapped in your own senses. Of being overwhelmed by the world. Of not being able to escape.

"Can I try something?" I asked.

Chilchuck looked at me. "Try what?"

"I want to see if I can understand what it's like. For you."

"How?"

I reached out and touched his ear.

Chilchuck flinched. Hard. His whole body jerked, and his hand shot up to grab my wrist. His fingers were tight, his grip strong. His eyes were wide.

"What are you doing?" he hissed.

"I'm testing your senses."

"By touching my ear?"

"I want to see how sensitive it is."

Chilchuck's face was red. Very red. His ears were flat against his head. His breathing was fast.

"Let go," he said.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Then what does it feel like?"

Chilchuck's grip on my wrist tightened. "It feels like... it feels like too much."

"Too much how?"

"Too much like... I don't know. It's just too much."

I moved my finger. Just a little. A tiny stroke along the edge of his ear.

Chilchuck shuddered. His whole body trembled. His eyes closed.

"Laios," he said. His voice was strained. "Stop."

"Does it really feel that intense?"

"Yes."

"More intense than if I touched your arm?"

"Yes."

"More intense than if I touched your face?"

"Yes."

"More intense than anything?"

Chilchuck opened his eyes. They were dark, pupils blown wide. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Like I was something dangerous.

"Yes," he whispered.

I pulled my hand back. Chilchuck let go of my wrist. He was breathing hard, like he'd been running. His ears were still flat. His face was still red.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me."

"Then what did I do?"

Chilchuck didn't answer. He turned away and stared at the wall. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clenched.

"Go back to sleep," he said.

"I'm not tired."

"Then just... leave me alone."

I didn't leave him alone. I stayed where I was, sitting next to him, watching him. His ears slowly relaxed, returning to their normal position. His breathing slowed. His hands unclenched.

"Chilchuck," I said.

"What."

"Your senses. They're really that strong?"

"Yes."

"Everything is that intense for you?"

"Yes."

"Even smells?"

"Yes."

"Even touch?"

"Yes."

I thought about that. The idea of every touch being overwhelming. Every smell being intense. Every sound being loud. It was hard to imagine. But I wanted to. I wanted to understand.

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

Chilchuck sighed. "What."

"What does it feel like when you smell something strong?"

Chilchuck was quiet for a moment. "It's like... it's like the smell fills your whole head. Like it's not just in your nose, it's in your brain. Like you can taste it. Like you can feel it on your skin."

"That sounds overwhelming."

"It is."

"What kind of smells are the strongest?"

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "Why do you want to know?"

"Just curious."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He stared at the wall. His jaw was tight.

"Chilchuck?"

"Go to sleep, Laios."

"I'm not tired."

"Then just sit there quietly."

I sat there quietly. For a while. But my mind was racing. I kept thinking about what he'd said. About senses being overwhelming. About smells filling your whole head. About touch being too much.

I kept thinking about his ear. The way it had felt under my finger. The way he'd shuddered. The way he'd said my name.

I wanted to understand.

The next day, I paid more attention.

I watched Chilchuck as we walked. I watched the way his ears moved. The way his nose twitched. The way his eyes tracked things I couldn't see. I watched the way he reacted to sounds, to smells, to changes in the air.

He noticed me watching. Of course he did. He noticed everything.

"Stop," he said.

"Stop what?"

"You know what."

"I'm just observing."

"It's creepy."

"Is it?"

"Yes."

I thought about that. Maybe it was creepy. Maybe I was being weird. But I couldn't help it. I was curious. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know what it was like to be him.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I don't mean to be creepy. I just find you fascinating."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "Fascinating."

"Yes."

"Like a bug?"

"No. Like a... like a different kind of person. A different way of being. A different way of experiencing the world."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He kept walking. But his ears were angled toward me, listening.

"I've never met anyone like you," I said. "I've read about halffoots, but the books don't really capture it. They don't talk about the way you move. The way you notice things. The way your senses work."

"The books are written by humans," Chilchuck said. "They don't understand."

"Then help me understand."

Chilchuck stopped walking. He turned to face me. His expression was hard to read.

"Why do you care so much?" he asked.

"Because I want to know you."

The words came out before I could think about them. They hung in the air between us. Chilchuck stared at me. His ears were still. His nose didn't twitch.

"You want to know me," he repeated.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're interesting. Because you're different. Because I think there's more to you than you show people."

Chilchuck's eyes narrowed. "You don't know anything about me."

"I know you're a halffoot. I know you have sharp senses. I know you're quick and quiet and you notice things other people miss. I know you're grumpy and you pretend not to care about things. I know you're good at your job. I know you're loyal to the party, even if you don't show it."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "That's not knowing me. That's knowing what I do."

"Then tell me more."

Chilchuck was quiet for a long moment. Then he turned and started walking again.

"We should catch up with the others," he said.

We caught up with the others.

That night, we made camp in another safe room. This one was smaller, with only one entrance. Senshi set up his cooking pot. Marcille studied her spellbook. Namari sharpened her axe.

I sat next to Chilchuck.

He glanced at me. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting."

"Why are you sitting next to me?"

"Because I want to."

Chilchuck's ears flattened. "There are other places to sit."

"I know."

"So why are you sitting here?"

"Because I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About your senses."

Chilchuck sighed. "What about them?"

"I want to understand them better. I want to know what it's like to experience the world the way you do."

"I already told you. It's overwhelming."

"But what does that mean? What does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it sound like?"

Chilchuck stared at me. His ears were twitching, tracking sounds. His nose was twitching, tracking smells. His eyes were moving, tracking everything.

"It's like..." He paused, searching for words. "It's like being in a room where everyone is shouting. All the time. And you can't turn it off. You can't make it stop. You just have to live with it."

"That sounds exhausting."

"It is."

"How do you cope?"

"I don't. I just... deal with it."

I thought about that. The constant noise. The constant smells. The constant sensations. It sounded like torture. But Chilchuck lived with it every day. He didn't complain. He didn't ask for sympathy. He just dealt with it.

"You're strong," I said.

Chilchuck looked at me. "What?"

"You're strong. To live with that every day. To not let it break you."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "I'm not strong. I'm just surviving."

"That's the same thing."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He looked away. His ears were still twitching, still tracking sounds. His nose was still twitching, still tracking smells.

I reached out and touched his ear again.

Chilchuck flinched. His hand shot up to grab my wrist. "What are you doing?"

"I want to understand."

"By touching my ear?"

"Yes."

Chilchuck's grip on my wrist was tight. His face was red. His breathing was fast.

"Laios," he said. "You can't just... you can't just touch people's ears."

"Why not?"

"Because it's... because it's..."

"Because it's what?"

Chilchuck's jaw tightened. "Because it's too much."

"Too much how?"

"Too much like... like..."

He didn't finish. He just stared at me, his eyes wide, his ears flat, his breathing fast.

I moved my finger. Just a little. A tiny stroke along the edge of his ear.

Chilchuck shuddered. His whole body trembled. His grip on my wrist tightened.

"Laios," he said. His voice was strained. "Please."

"Please what?"

"Please stop."

"Why?"

"Because I can't... because it's..."

"Because it's what?"

Chilchuck closed his eyes. "Because it's too intense. Because it's overwhelming. Because it's..."

He didn't finish. He just sat there, trembling, his hand on my wrist, his eyes closed, his ears flat.

I pulled my hand back. Chilchuck let go of my wrist. He opened his eyes. He looked at me like I was something dangerous.

"Sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

"You didn't overwhelm me."

"Then what did I do?"

Chilchuck didn't answer. He turned away and stared at the wall. His shoulders were tense. His hands were clenched.

"Go to sleep," he said.

"I'm not tired."

"Then leave me alone."

I didn't leave him alone. I stayed where I was, sitting next to him, watching him. His ears slowly relaxed. His breathing slowed. His hands unclenched.

"Chilchuck," I said.

"What."

"I want to understand you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true."

"Why?"

"Because you're different. Because you're interesting. Because I think there's more to you than you show people."

Chilchuck was quiet for a long moment. Then he turned to look at me. His expression was hard to read.

"You're weird," he said.

"I know."

"You're really weird."

"I know."

"You're obsessed with my ears."

"I know."

Chilchuck stared at me. Then, unexpectedly, he laughed. It was a small laugh, barely more than a breath. But it was a laugh.

"You're impossible," he said.

"I know."

Chilchuck shook his head. "Go to sleep, Laios."

"Okay."

I lay down on my bedroll. But I didn't sleep. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Chilchuck. Thinking about his ears. Thinking about the way he'd shuddered when I touched him. Thinking about the way he'd said my name.

I wanted to understand.

The next day, I found another opportunity.

We were in a narrow corridor, single file, Chilchuck in front. His ears were moving, tracking sounds. His nose was twitching, tracking smells. I watched him from behind.

Then I noticed something. A smell. Coming from my pack. Something rank. Something I'd forgotten about.

I'd packed a change of clothes at the beginning of the expedition. I hadn't used them. They'd been sitting in my pack for days, getting sweatier and dirtier and more disgusting.

I pulled them out.

Chilchuck's ears swiveled toward me immediately. His nose twitched. His whole body tensed.

"What is that?" he asked.

"What?"

"That smell."

I looked at the clothes in my hands. "Oh. These are my spare clothes. I forgot I had them."

"They smell terrible."

"Do they?"

"Yes. They smell like... like..."

"Like what?"

Chilchuck's ears were flat against his head. His nose was wrinkled. His face was red.

"Like you," he said. "Like your sweat. Like your... like your body."

"Oh." I looked at the clothes. They did smell pretty bad. "Sorry. I didn't realize."

"Put them away."

"I will. I just wanted to check if they were still usable."

"They're not. They're disgusting."

"They're not that bad."

"They're awful. They smell like... like..."

"Like what?"

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just stared at the clothes, his ears flat, his nose wrinkled, his face red.

I brought them closer to him.

Chilchuck flinched back. "What are you doing?"

"I want to see how strong your sense of smell is."

"By waving your dirty clothes in my face?"

"Yes."

"Laios."

"What?"

"Stop."

"Just for a second. I want to see your reaction."

Chilchuck's back was against the wall. He had nowhere to go. I held the clothes closer. His nose twitched. His ears flattened further. His breathing quickened.

"Laios," he said. His voice was strained. "Please."

"Please what?"

"Please stop."

"Why?"

"Because it's too much."

"Too much how?"

"Too much like... like..."

He didn't finish. He just stood there, pressed against the wall, his eyes wide, his ears flat, his breathing fast.

I held the clothes there for another moment. Then I pulled them back.

Chilchuck gasped. He slid down the wall, his legs giving out. He sat on the floor, his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just sat there, breathing hard.

"Chilchuck?"

"Leave me alone."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Just leave me alone."

I put the clothes back in my pack. I sat down next to Chilchuck. He didn't look at me. He just sat there, his head in his hands, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

"Chilchuck," I said.

"What."

"I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that."

"Because I keep doing things I need to apologize for."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just sat there.

"Your sense of smell," I said. "It's really that strong?"

"Yes."

"Everything is that intense for you?"

"Yes."

"Even smells?"

"Yes."

"Even my smells?"

Chilchuck's shoulders tensed. "Especially your smells."

I thought about that. My smells. Specifically. My body. My sweat. My clothes. The things that made me me.

"Why especially mine?" I asked.

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just sat there, his head in his hands.

"Chilchuck?"

"Go away, Laios."

"I'm not going to go away."

"Then shut up."

I shut up. But I didn't go away. I sat there, next to him, watching him. His ears slowly relaxed. His breathing slowed. His hands unclenched.

After a while, he looked up. His face was still red. His eyes were still wide. But he looked calmer.

"You're an idiot," he said.

"I know."

"You're an idiot who doesn't understand boundaries."

"I know."

"You're an idiot who doesn't understand personal space."

"I know."

"You're an idiot who doesn't understand that some things are private."

"I know."

Chilchuck stared at me. "Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Because I want to understand you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true."

"Why?"

"Because you're different. Because you're interesting. Because I think there's more to you than you show people."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "You keep saying that too."

"Because it's also true."

Chilchuck was quiet for a long moment. Then he sighed.

"You're impossible," he said.

"I know."

"You're really impossible."

"I know."

"You're the most annoying person I've ever met."

"I know."

Chilchuck shook his head. "Go away, Laios."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to stay here with you."

Chilchuck stared at me. His expression was hard to read. Then he looked away.

"Fine," he said. "Stay. But stop touching my ears."

"Okay."

"And stop waving your dirty clothes in my face."

"Okay."

"And stop asking me questions about my senses."

"Okay."

Chilchuck looked at me. "You're not going to stop, are you?"

"No."

Chilchuck sighed. "I hate you."

"No, you don't."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just sat there, next to me, his ears slowly relaxing, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

I sat there too. Watching him. Thinking about him. Wanting to understand him.

I didn't know what it was. This fascination. This obsession. This need to know everything about him. I didn't know why I couldn't stop touching his ears. I didn't know why I couldn't stop waving my dirty clothes in his face. I didn't know why I couldn't stop asking him questions.

But I knew I couldn't stop.

And I knew I didn't want to.

That night, I lay awake again.

Chilchuck was on watch again. He was sitting against the wall, his knees drawn up, his eyes scanning the room. His ears were moving, tracking sounds. His nose was twitching, tracking smells.

I watched him for a long time.

Then I got up and walked over to him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Couldn't sleep."

"You never can."

"I have a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"Like you."

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "What about me?"

"Everything. Your senses. Your ears. Your nose. The way you move. The way you react to things. The way you smell."

Chilchuck's face reddened. "The way I smell?"

"Yes. You smell different than humans. Different than anyone else I've met."

"What do I smell like?"

"Like... like something clean. Like fresh air. Like the forest after rain. Like..."

Chilchuck's ears were flat against his head. "Stop."

"Why?"

"Because you're being weird."

"I'm not being weird. I'm being honest."

"You're being weird and honest."

"Is that bad?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're not supposed to talk about how people smell."

"Why not?"

"Because it's... because it's..."

"Because it's what?"

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just stared at me, his ears flat, his face red.

I sat down next to him. Close. Closer than I needed to. Our shoulders touched.

Chilchuck flinched. "What are you doing?"

"Sitting."

"You're sitting too close."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

"Sorry."

I didn't move.

Chilchuck stared at me. "You're not sorry."

"No."

"Then why did you say you were sorry?"

"Because it's what you're supposed to say."

Chilchuck shook his head. "You're impossible."

"I know."

"You're really impossible."

"I know."

"You're the most annoying person I've ever met."

"I know."

Chilchuck sighed. He didn't move away. He just sat there, his shoulder against mine, his ears slowly relaxing.

"Chilchuck," I said.

"What."

"Your senses. They're really that strong?"

"Yes."

"Everything is that intense for you?"

"Yes."

"Even touch?"

Chilchuck's ears twitched. "Yes."

"Even when I touch your shoulder like this?"

I put my hand on his shoulder. Chilchuck flinched. His whole body tensed.

"Yes," he said. His voice was strained. "Even then."

"What does it feel like?"

"Like... like warmth. Like pressure. Like..."

"Like what?"

"Like too much."

"Too much how?"

"Too much like... like..."

He didn't finish. He just sat there, his shoulder under my hand, his body tense, his breathing fast.

I moved my hand. Just a little. A tiny stroke along his shoulder.

Chilchuck shuddered. His whole body trembled. His eyes closed.

"Laios," he said. His voice was barely a whisper.

"What?"

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Please stop."

"Why?"

"Because I can't... because it's..."

"Because it's what?"

Chilchuck opened his eyes. They were dark, pupils blown wide. He looked at me like I was something dangerous.

"Because it's too much," he said. "Because you're too much. Because everything is too much."

I pulled my hand back. Chilchuck let out a breath. His body relaxed. His ears slowly returned to their normal position.

"Sorry," I said.

"You keep saying that."

"Because I keep doing things I need to apologize for."

Chilchuck didn't answer. He just sat there, next to me, his shoulder still touching mine.

"Chilchuck," I said.

"What."

"I want to understand you."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true."

"Why?"

"Because you're different. Because you're interesting. Because I think there's more to you than you show people."

Chilchuck was quiet for a long moment. Then he turned to look at me.

"You want to understand me?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you."

The words came out before I could think about them. They hung in the air between us. Chilchuck stared at me. His ears were still. His nose didn't twitch.

"You care about me," he repeated.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend. Because you're part of the party. Because you're..."

I trailed off. I didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"Because I'm what?" Chilchuck asked.

"Because you're you."

Chilchuck stared at me. His expression was hard to read. Then he looked away.

"You're weird," he said.

"I know."

"You're really weird."

"I know."

"You're the weirdest person I've ever met."

"I know."

Chilchuck was quiet for a moment. Then he sighed.

"Go to sleep, Laios," he said.

"Okay."

I lay down on my bedroll. But I didn't sleep. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Chilchuck. Thinking about his ears. Thinking about his nose. Thinking about the way he'd shuddered when I touched him. Thinking about the way he'd said my name.

I wanted to understand.

And I was going to.

No matter how long it took.