Bound by Blood

Garmi ki chuttiyan shuru hui to sab kuch badal gaya. Ammi ne kaha tha ke tum apni behen ka khayal rakhna, hum teen din ke liye Nani ke ghar ja rahe hain. Abbu ne gaari nikali, saman rakha, aur main darwaze par khara unhein rukhsat karta raha. Ayesha andar thi, apne kamre mein, kitaabon ke dher ke saath. Wo hamesha kitaabon mein gum rehti thi. Main kabhi samajh nahi paata tha ke ek ladki itni khamosh kaise ho sakti hai.

Ghar khaali ho gaya to ajeeb sa lagta hai. Wo khamoshi jo deewaron se tapakti hai, farash par bikharti hai, aur tumhare kaanon mein goonjti rehti hai. Main ne fridge se thanda paani nikala, sofa par baith kar TV on kiya. Kuch bhi acha nahi aa raha tha. Channels badalte raha, badalte raha. Ayesha ka darwaza band tha, jaise usne apni duniya ka darwaza bhi band kar diya ho.

Shaam ko bhook lagi. Ammi ne khana bana kar rakh gayi thi. Main ne apne liye garam kiya, aur socha ke Ayesha ko bhi bula loon. Uske darwaze par dastak di. Koi jawab nahi. Phir se dastak di, zor se.

"Kya hai?" uski awaaz andar se aayi, halki si, jaise neend se uthi ho.

"Khana kha le. Ammi ne banaya hai."

Darwaza khula. Ayesha ne apna dupatta theek kiya, baal samete, aur bahar aayi. Uske chehre par wo hi purani udaasi thi jo bachpan se thi. Main kabhi poochh nahi paata tha ke kya baat hai. Kuch cheezein poochhne se aur bigadti hain, yeh main ne seekha tha.

Hum dono ne chup chaap khana khaya. TV ki awaaz background mein chalti rahi. Ayesha ne thoda sa khaya aur uth gayi.

"Itna kam?" main ne poocha.

"Bhookh nahi hai."

Wo phir apne kamre mein chali gayi. Main ne bartan dhoye, kitchen saaf kiya, aur apne kamre mein aa gaya. Raat ko neend nahi aayi. Phone chalata raha, scroll karta raha, lekin dimaag kahin aur tha. Ghar mein ajeeb si kasak thi, jaise kuch honay wala hai, ya ho chuka hai, aur mujhe pata nahi.

Agli subah main utha to Ayesha chai bana rahi thi. Yeh naya tha. Wo kabhi kitchen mein nahi aati thi. Main darwaze par khara usay dekhta raha. Uske haath kaanp rahe the, ya mujhe laga ke kaanp rahe hain. Chai ki patti gir gayi, cheeni zyada ho gayi, lekin usne kuch nahi kaha. Bas banati rahi, jaise machine ho.

"Tum theek ho?" main ne poocha.

Usne mujhe dekha. Aankhon mein kuch tha jo main samajh nahi paya. Kuch toota hua, kuch dara hua.

"Theek hoon," usne kaha, aur awaaz mein wo theek hona nahi tha.

Hum ne chai pi. Chup chaap. Main ne kuch poochhna chaha, lekin sawal halaq mein atak gaya. Ayesha uthi, apna cup dhoya, aur phir se kamre mein chali gayi. Main ne apna cup uthaya, uski jagah dekhi jahan wo baithi thi, aur mujhe laga jaise kursi ab bhi garam hai.

Din guzarte gaye. Main ne doston ko call kiya, milne ka plan banaya, lekin mann nahi laga. Ghar ki taraf kheenchta raha. Ayesha ka khayal. Wo khamoshi. Wo udaasi.

Teesre din Ammi ka phone aaya.

"Sab theek hai? Ayesha kaisi hai?"

"Theek hai," main ne kaha. "Bas thodi khamosh hai."

"Usay pareshan mat karna. Wo aisi hi hai. Tum apna khayal rakhna."

Phone rakh diya. Ayesha ke kamre ki taraf dekha. Darwaza band tha. Hamesha band.

Shaam ko main ne socha ke bahar chal loon. Taaza hawa lagegi. Ayesha ko bhi bula loon, shayad wo bahar aaye to theek lage. Uske darwaze par dastak di.

"Bahar chalna hai? Thodi der ke liye?"

Koi jawab nahi. Phir awaaz aayi, halki si.

"Nahi."

"Sirf thodi der. Bahar hawa achi hai."

"Main nahi ja rahi."

Uske awaaz mein wo lehja tha jo bahana banata hai. Main wapas aa gaya. Sofa par baitha, TV on kiya, lekin dekh nahi raha tha. Dimaag mein Ayesha ka chehra tha. Wo kaanpte haath. Wo aankhein. Wo theek hoon jo theek nahi tha.

Raat ko phir neend nahi aayi. Main utha, paani peene kitchen gaya. Ayesha ke kamre se roshni aa rahi thi. Darwaze ke neeche se. Main ruk gaya. Kuch awaaz aa rahi thi. Halki si. Sisakne ki awaaz.

Mera dil zor se dharakne laga. Main darwaze ke paas gaya. Haath uthaya, dastak dene ke liye, lekin ruk gaya. Kya poochhta? Kya kehta?

Main wapas apne kamre mein aa gaya. Bistar par leta, chhat ko dekhta raha. Wo sisakne ki awaaz kaanon mein goonjti rahi. Subah tak main so nahi paya.

Agle din Ayesha bahar aayi to uske aankhein suji hui thi. Wo kuch nahi boli. Chai banai, nashta kiya, aur phir kamre mein. Main ne kuch poochhne ki koshish ki, lekin wo pehle hi kamre mein chali gayi thi.

Dopahar ko main ne apna phone uthaya. Ayesha ka number khola. Message type kiya, "Sab theek hai na?" Aur delete kar diya. Phir type kiya, "Kuch hua hai?" Aur delete kar diya. Phir type kiya, "Main hoon na." Aur wohi bhej diya.

Kuch der baad reply aaya. "Pata hai."

Bas itna. Pata hai. Do lafz. Lekin un do lafzon mein kuch tha jo mujhe andar tak hila gaya. Jaise usne kaha ho, main jaanti hoon tum ho, lekin tum kya kar sakte ho?

Shaam ko main ne khana banaya. Ayesha ko bulaya. Wo aayi, khaya, aur phir se chali gayi. Main ne bartan dhoye. Kitchen saaf kiya. Ghar mein wo hi khamoshi thi, lekin ab wo khamoshi bol rahi thi. Har cheez mein. Har kone mein.

Raat ko main phir jaaga. Ayesha ke kamre se roshni. Phir wo awaaz. Sisakne ki. Main utha, darwaze ke paas gaya, aur is baar dastak di. Zor se.

"Ayesha?"

Awaaz band ho gayi. Kuch der khamoshi. Phir darwaza khula. Ayesha ne mujhe dekha. Aankhon mein aansu the, hoth kaanp rahe the, aur uske haath mein ek purani diary thi.

"Kya hua?" main ne poocha. Awaaz meri bhaari thi.

Usne kuch nahi kaha. Bas diary mujhe di. Aur phir darwaza band kar diya. Main wahan khara raha, diary haath mein, dil zor se dharak raha tha. Kya tha is mein? Kya likha tha? Aur kyun Ayesha itni tooti hui thi?

Main apne kamre mein aaya. Diary kholi. Pehla safha. Ayesha ki handwriting. Aur jo likha tha, wo padh kar meri saans ruk gayi.